Macarthur FC

Did you even know there’s a new club in the A-League? Well now you do! What better way for a young organisation to gain new supporters than a cross-code marquee signing. It seemed to work well for the GWS Giants, until Israel Folau opened his mouth. Roger has been known to drop the footy onto the toe during matches, so a soccer career isn’t out of the realm of possibilities. His safe hands could even land him a spot playing goalkeeper for the south west Sydney club, who could make a serious run for the toilet seat this year with RTS on board.

Slippery Bucks OzTag

Every Dribbler worth their salt has watched videos of RTS tear it up on the touch footy field, and while he may never have donned the velcro shorts, there’s no doubt that his skills would be a huge inclusion to an already stacked team. With the combination of Simpson/Tuivasa-Sheck on the field, the bucks will easily knock off beta cucks the ‘Wood Ducks,’ and are sure to make Div 1 look like Div 6.

Gambling on a clubs feature at the pokies

With Australian Pokies requiring a payout of 87%, and only 4 different suits to choose from, RTS could achieve a significantly higher win percentage than he ever did at the Warriors. In fact, he could almost double his winning record! On top of this, with many pokies rooms offering complementary food and beverages, Roger wouldn’t have to worry about expensive meal plans and exercise routines. Honestly, he’d be losing out not to take this offer.

Revolver Upstairs

If there’s one thing NRL players love more than premiership success, it’s a Rugby League skinful. And where else is better to tie one on than at Melbourne’s historic Revolver nightclub. Not only will RTS be able to access all sorts of entertainment and accessories he might desire, but the fact that the club is in Melbourne means far fewer dribblers asking for photos, or trying to start fights. The mens/womens weekly’s in Victoria wouldn’t even bat an eye unless they thought he was an AFL player. Roger would be free to party in peace, it’s an enticing option.

19th Century Glutton Club

Ever since the death of Charles Darwin in 1882, this once prestigious collective of like-minded foodies has not had another high profile member. In fact, as animal rights, environmental activism, and fear of wet markets have become mainstream, the glutton club has faced tough times. The injection of this hot, young fullback to the organisation could bring a much-needed renaissance for the group, and just maybe take them back to their glory days of snacking on tortoises, owls, armadillos, iguanas and pangolins.

Socialist Alternative Club at Sydney University

If Rugby League has taught Roger anything, it would be the struggle of the common man, and the plight of the working class. Not everyone who frequents rugby league circles is lucky enough to get a contract and earn the big bucks, and for those left behind, the prospects of an easy, comfortable life are slim. Now after years of building up class consciousness in a league controlled by corporate sponsors, RTS can make his voice heard as he stands up for equality and for the rights of the proletariat. Students walking to class are far less likely to refuse a leaflet when it’s coming from a throbbing Maori footy star, rather than a scrawny, stoned, white boy. It’s a win-win!

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site