Who Should be in A Rugby League Big Brother House?
Who Should be in A Rugby League Big Brother House?
DYOR Dave
Channel 7 has been enjoying vast numbers of viewers thanks to their Olympic coverage, and the execs have clearly used all their supreme intellect to decide what would be best to keep those viewers engaged after the sports have finished. They’ve rolled out the brown carpet for a group of ‘celebrities’ that they’ve dredged out the sewer of obscurity to partake in the new season of Big Brother. These household names include 4 recycled reality TV stars, 3 models, two actors of little fame alongside Caitlyn Jenner and Matt Cooper.
While this lineup does nothing but drive away the rational viewer, the inclusion of Matt Cooper begs the question: Why not have a Big Brother Rugby League house? Replace the scripted superficial drama with rugby league drama. Give the boys the house and a lot of booze, maybe allow them to bring in some ‘dancers’ and other friends just to spice things up. It’ll be the most-watched show in the nation, so I thought I’d give a few suggestions of who could help bring the Rugby League soap opera to life.
Cameron Munster
The man who took a break in the middle of a bender to win an Origin series will surely be a heavy favourite to win, if for no other reason than his sheer stamina. Some say he’s a grub, others say he’s just cheeky, perhaps a ruling can be made once and for all in the Rugby League House.
John Hopoate
No group of Rugby League personalities would be complete without Hoppa. His unique brand of proudly rectal humour means he’ll be willing to lean into even the most lowbrow of moments. His loyalty, passion and confidence in his own research skills will make him a vital inclusion to the house, although entering a confined space with other people may require him to be vaccinated, which could lead to drama before he’s even entered the show.
Adam Elliott
It would be rude to have a gathering of the kings of off-season footy and not invite the sheriff himself. Boasting the undisputed largest hog in the competition, this inclusion is sure to fill the other contestants with emotions of inferiority, and if the viewer’s lucky enough, they may even catch a small glimpse of his large pipe.
Roger Fabri
The wild card. Who knows what inviting Rog into the house could bring, besides many pairs of fishnet stockings and maybe a few wandering old men. The addition of Roger adds additional layers to an otherwise shallow format. He could find love, he could find friends, he could find inner peace, or he could find himself with a criminal record. Any outcome is sure to be entertaining.
Buzz Rothfield
Putting aside the worry that having Buzz alone in a house with Rugby League players could lead to him being beaten to a pulp, Buzz would be an exciting tradition. His lifetime working in rumours and hearsay is a recipe for drama, and his experience in the field of what is essentially already a reality show will allow him to divide and perhaps conquer his enemies in the house.
Joey Johns
The OG Rugby League party boy, Joey has the experience, the skills and the contacts to make sure the house never runs dry, and the music never stops. Not inviting such an influential figure of the off-field game would be a crime unforgivable by most dribblers, and his inclusion would bring with it the radiant aura that only an immortal can.
Will Chambers
Every reality show needs a villain, and who better than arguably the most hated man in the league. Having made a career out of getting under the skin of the opposition, and still honing his skills late in his career, Chambers is sure to bring the drama and his signature brand of grubbiness to the house.
Brandon Smith
Who doesn’t love the cheese? He’s the anti-buzz, says whatever comes to his head, no agenda apart from a good time, not to mention that he knows his way around a beer. His combination with Munster works as well off the field as it does on the field, and he’s guaranteed to ruffle some feathers with a few pranks.
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