The Balkan Book Club: 6 Books for Will Pucovski to Read During His Horizontal Concussion Break
The Balkan Book Club: 6 Books for Will Pucovski to Read During His Horizontal Concussion Break
DYOR Dave
Will Pucovski could be the unluckiest man in Australian sport, the anti-Bradbury if you will, after suffering his 11th concussion through a self-inflicted volleyball incident. While Aussies would love nothing more than to see the Balkan Bulldog open the batting as soon as possible, our collective concern for his health appears to show only one option: An extended break for Will to get horizontal and get his concussions under control.
Alongside mandatory beachside piña coladas and club sandwiches, the medical advice of the punter and the dribbler (definitely not a reliable source) points to time away from screens. The electromagnetic fields of blue-screen devices can have a detrimental effect on ‘vibe’ levels during horizontal concussion treatment (HCT), and the peer-reviewed sources recommend a good old-fashioned book. As well as sharpening his mind, the following books will help Pucovski pass the time, have a laugh, and most importantly, learn a thing or two.
War and Peace – Leo Tolstoy
Published in 1869, this classic blends historical and philosophical discussions to deliver over 1200 pages of hardcore literary insight. It’s a real book’s book. Not everyone is up to the challenge, but if the Balkan Bulldog wants to keep his mind sharp and active, all while pondering upon human nature and societal history, this is the book for him. To truly understand this book in all its intricacies would inevitably lead Pucovski to glory as the greatest captain the nation has seen, and finally, allow Australians to feel safe about our opening batters again.
The entire collection of Shane Warne Books
During his extended stay away from the game, it’s important that Pucovski maintains his love and passion for cricket, all while having a hero to look up to. With 5 books spanning over 20 years, the Shane Warne collection is a perfect companion, including ‘My Own Story’ (1997), ‘My Autobiography’ (2002), ‘My Illustrated Career’ (2006), ‘My Top 100 Test Cricketers (2008), and ‘No Spin: My Autobiography (2018). There’s no doubt that the Balkan bulldog will miss the soothing tones of Warne’s voice in commentary, so this is sure to tide him over until he can be back listening to Warne’s often unfounded criticisms in person.
The Power of Positive Thinking – Norman Vincent Peale
This 1952 self-help book provides a 10 step process to achieving one’s goals through visualisations, affirmations, and spoiler alert, God. The author states that “ letting go of anger and embracing a sense of calm can help with physical illnesses,” along with asking God for help, of course. If modern medicine has failed to heal Will’s concussions, maybe it’s time we turn back to the more traditional forms. After all, it helped so many others turn their lives around, with former reality TV star Donald Trump crediting the teachings for his survival in 1990 where he owed almost a billion dollars in debt, describing the author as his “pastor.”
Textbook of Clinical Neurology – Christopher G. Goetz
Philosopher Emerson Pugh once said, “If the human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we couldn’t.” While scientists have spent centuries studying the mind, we’re still no closer to seeing Will Pucovski consistently opening for Australia, which is essentially the end goal for most scientists. Perhaps it’s time that the Balkan Bulldog took matters into his own hands, and flexed his DYORing muscles to solve the issue. This book is merely an intro neurological study, but if Pucovski puts the hours in, he may end up fixing his concussion himself, or at the very least, become a neurologist which I hear pays well.
If I Did It – OJ Simpson
Imagine you had been accused of brutally murdering your ex-wife and another man, but get proven innocent against all odds. Would it then be a totally normal thing to do to publish a book detailing the hypothetical scenario of you committing the murders for which you were recently acquitted? Say what you will about OJ, but you can’t deny he’s pushing the boundaries of literature, and if Will Pucovski can learn only one thing from the book, it’s that that even after 11 concussions, he still wouldn’t think that was a good idea.
The Day My Bum Went Psycho – Andy Griffiths
While this list has plenty of dense reads, it’s important for the Balkan Bulldog to rest his brain with something a bit more light-hearted. There is no better book for this purpose than this Andy Griffiths classic, if you didn’t pick up this book in the school library as a kid then you were wasting your time. I’m almost certain that this is the second book every school library purchases when they open, right after the dictionary. Chronicling the story of a 12-year-old boy’s bum which detaches itself and attempts to take over the world, the story is as riveting as it is witty, in its own subtle way. If Will is hooked, he can then move onto the sequels ‘Zombie Bums from Uranus,” and “Bumageddon: The Final Pongflict.”
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