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Australia is in the Sporting Goldilocks Zone, and Dribblers Couldn’t Be Better Off

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Australia is in the Sporting Goldilocks Zone, and Dribblers Couldn’t Be Better Off

by The Stubbie Holder Dribbler

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As we in NSW are emerging from lockdown, we must remember how sport was essential in keeping us sane during a 106-day hiatus from ripping n’ tearing. In this highly globalised and integrated world, never has high-quality sport of any stripe been so accessible to the average dribbler. 

If you’re like me, sport is as essential to life as food or water. The first lockdown deprived us of the antidote to our boredom, sport. But thankfully that dark period wasn’t repeated, and we were blessed with a plethora of sport at our disposal. Whether it be the NRL, Cricket, Rugby, Basketball, Football, and a special treat from the sporting gods, the Olympics, there was something for every dribbler to glue their eyeballs to. 

Indeed it was during the latter that the supremacy of Australia’s place in the world became apparent. During the Olympics, we had a golden age of sports scheduling, with Olympic action every day all the time, plus your regular NRL and AFL types on the weekend. Friends in the US had to deal with an overnight saga battling the inevitability of sleep in an attempt to watch their country win meaningless gold medals in shooting (of course the US wins gold medals in shooting rifles).  

Aussies were able to witness this historic celebration live due to our superior timezone

Aussies were able to witness this historic celebration live due to our superior timezone

 

Here we are continually blessed with our timezone. The summer months bring us Cricket from November, Aus Open in January, during the day. At night we have the BBL. Additionally, in months like February and March where much of the national sports leagues are in off-season or pre-season, we are given the Super Bowl and a climaxing NBA season. All of this occurs at a ripping time of lunchtime on the east coast. One can head to the pub and enjoy great sport at a perfect time for a pub feed and mingle with mates. 

Spread out scheduling like this is optimal as it allows you to experience more live sport, at more convenient times. The best sport is available to us in Australia at ideal times, allowing the nation to fully immerse themselves with the utmost passion and concentration while ingesting a rugby league skinful.

As Tom said in Episode #301, the best time for a fight (like the bull-tearer between Gypsy King and Deontay Wilder) is a Sunday arvo. In the US, that fight started at 10 PM eastern, hardly ideal.  Indeed, as a country, our position geographically is a goldilocks zone for sport and is yet another example of how we are the “Lucky Country”.

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

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A Dribbler Farewell to the Tokyo Olympics

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A Dribbler Farewell to the Tokyo Olympics

by Jonny Ogilvie

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As the sun sets on the Olympics in the land of the Rising Sun, I’ve got a few dribbles to sign off on;
 
Safe to say plenty of people here were naysayers about the games. It’s appropriateness about being held during a pandemic, care factor assuming the Aussies would get pumped, or generally it not being one of the major sporting codes. I was one of them, and was happily proven wrong. They have been incredible.
 
The Aussie team are a bunch of throbbers. Every one of them went down swinging, that’s all we ask. Some won, some didn’t, and that’s ok. They all possess a level of hand-eye coordination, physical ability and mental toughness that 99.9% of people could only dream of. They did us proud.
 
The culture and pride shown by the Aussie teams should be the gold standard amongst sporting teams. Plenty of NRL/AFL teams bang on about having culture; look at the swimmers chanting at the top of their lungs, Patty Mills crying after finally getting it done, or the Hockeyroos being distraught after going out early. It was a case of ‘get on board, or get fucked.’ We can all appreciate that.
 
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The fact Australia punches above its weight at these events is incredible. Population size has nothing to do with it, but funding sure as shit does. They can’t compete in that regard with the US, GB, or ROC, but they still turn up and let those wankers know that they’re gonna have to work.
 
Any ‘pundit’ criticising athletes can get in the bin; most of those cunts couldn’t perform a tumble turn without drowning, shoot a jump-shot without rolling an ankle, run a race without popping both hamstrings or try a side-step without tearing both ACLs. Leave the dribbling to the dribblers.
 
Anyway, to sum it all up, the last two weeks have been awesome and I can’t wait for Paris 2024. I think we as dribblers have a duty to keep an eye on all the Aussie athletes we’ve come to know over the last few weeks; Peter Bol, the Swim team, Ash Moloney, Jess Fox, etc. They get shoved to the side during non-Olympic years, and I think they deserve better.
 
Aussie Gold forever.
Olympic Rings tattoos soon.
Dirty Merger Countries never.
 
 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

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The Ridiculous 1904 Olympic Marathon Where Less than Half the Runners Finished

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The Ridiculous 1904 Olympic Marathon Where Less than Half the Runners Finished

DYOR Dave

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32 men entered, only 14 came out the other side. No its not the newest season of survivor or a Dragons BBQ party, it was the 1904 St Louis Olympic marathon, which saw some of the most bizarre events in the history of world sport.

The bedshits started even before the race did, with Olympic organiser James Sullivan deciding that this would be a great opportunity to conduct a study on “purposeful dehydration,” which he believed could actually improve athletic performance. So James put his lab coat and goggles on, and set up just two water stations within the first 19km of the race, leaving runners high and dry running 40km in a dust filled track in 32 degree heat.

The first man to cross the finish line was American Fred Lorz, but just as he was about to be presented with his medal, officials confronted him about some curious circumstances during his run. It turns out Lorz had suffered from cramps in the first half of the race and jumped in a car to head back to the stadium. As he was happily waving to the other exhausted runners, his car broke down just a few kilometres from the finish. Fred had recovered from his cramps and ran the rest of the race hoping no one would notice his little detour.

The official winner of the event was Thomas Hicks, who was holding a 2km lead heading into the final quarter of the race. As exhaustion and dehydration set in, his trainers administered strychnine, a rat poison that stimulates the nervous system, washed down with some brandy. While this combination may not have the restorative powers of a blue Gatorade on a Sunday morning, it allowed Hicks to summon enough strength to be carried over the finish line by his team, gingerly moving his feet in an effort to look like he was running. Nevertheless, he was awarded the gold and was immediately taken from the stadium for medical treatment, having lost three and a half kilograms during the race.

Andarín Carvajal, inappropriately dressed for a marathon
Andarín Carvajal, inappropriately dressed for a marathon

 

Perhaps the most impressive feat of the event was achieved by Andarín Carvajal, a 5ft tall Cuban postman who had lost all his money gambling in New Orleans the night before the race. He managed to hitchhike to St Louis to arrive just in time for the race to start. After cutting his street clothes into short sleeves, he set off to run despite not having eaten in 40 hours. Luckily for our Cuban friend, the race passed by an orchard where he was able to snack on some apples, which, unbeknownst to him, were rotten. Never one to give in to adversity, Carvajal decided a nap would help alleviate his stomach cramps, and after waking up and chatting to some spectators, he finished the race in the remarkable position of fourth place.

The race was the first to feature two entrants from South Africa, who happened to be in town for the 1904 world fair. A disappointing result saw them finish 9th and 12th respectively, although many in attendance believed Len Taunyane would have finished higher had he not been chased off the course by a pack of feral dogs. Two more American runners were forced to abandon the race due to dehydration and dust inhalation, with William Garcia found lying unconscious on the track.

While the modern Olympic marathons seem to place a lot more emphasis on apparently trivial matters like ‘athlete’s safety and wellbeing,’ one can’t help but wonder if an endurance race featuring wild dogs, rat poison, brandy, and a gambling element would garner a lot more viewers than a safe yet boring 42km run.

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

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South Korean Golfers will Pay the Ultimate Price for not Reaching the Podium

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South Korean Golfers will Pay the Ultimate Price for not Reaching the Podium

DYOR Dave

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For so many athletes around the world, the Olympics is a chance to live out childhood dreams and achieve recognition and reward for their years of diligent training. However, for two South Korean Golfers, this Olympics has brought with it a critical ultimatum that could greatly change the trajectory of their lives. In a move more suited to their northern counterparts, the South Korean Government has informed Sungjae Im and Si Woo Kim that they will be conscripted into the Korean Armed Forces if they fail to finish with a medal at the Olympic Games.

Conscription has been mandatory in South Korea since 1957, and one of the very few valid reasons to avoid this service is to win a medal at either the Olympic or Asian games. This feat has been achieved only a handful of times by a South Korean, most recently with Tottenham Hotspur’s Son Heung-Min guiding his national team to an Asian games victory in 2018 and earning him and his team’s freedom from military service.

Despite both Golfers’ undeniable success on the world stage, including two PGA Tour victories for 26-year-old Kim, failure to reach the podium in Tokyo will mean Kim could be shipped off to South Sudan, Western Sahara or Somalia to serve his nation. Meanwhile, 23-year-old Sungjae I’m will have until the 2024 Olympic Games to prove he is “enhancing national prestige” and avoid service before the conscription period is over at age 28.

 

The Korean Government historically has been unappreciative of citizens who avoid their conscription duties, as pop singer Steve Yoo found out in 2002 when he decided to become a naturalised US citizen right before he was due to join the military. Yoo was subsequently deported and permanently banned from South Korea, with the government standing strong and to this day not allowing him back home.

The Golf event is scheduled to begin at 830am on Thursday in Australia, but the Korean’s face some tough competition on the road to winning their freedom. British Open winner Colin Morikawa will be looking to add Olympic Gold to his already impressive achievements this year, while hometown hero Hideki Matsuyama will want to continue the momentum from his Masters’ victory. Meanwhile, Aussie Cameron Smith is already putting lead in the pencils of dribblers nationwide after he shaved “AUS” into the side of his already throbbing mullet.

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site