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HOT TAKE: Why We Need Warnie As a Commentator

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HOT TAKE: Why We Need Warnie As a Commentator

DYOR Dave

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The 2021 Ashes series has so far been a tidal wave of success and happiness for Aussie fans. Despite injuries, covid scares, and uncertain openers, the team has easily powered through England in the first two tests, and are looking likely to do the same again this week.

If you ask most Aussie dribblers what the worst part about this series has been, I can guarantee you that Shane Warne’s commentary would be their outstanding lowlight. Between his hatred for Mitchell Starc, his pointless tangents that take priority over actual commentary, and his thinly-veiled advances at Isa Guha, he’s once again leaving his mark on an Ashes series.

Herein lies the conundrum: How can we as dribblers come to terms with a man of such immense stature, a man who’s contributed so much to the sporting and dribbling community, becoming so universally disliked?

Just as Warnie has cast a small black shadow over this otherwise flawless series, so has he begun to chisel away at the pristine career that has for decades pushed the boundaries of what an elite sportsman can be. His antics always delivered wild yarns without crossing over into offensive or malicious areas, and considering his performance on the pitch never disappointed, it was always play on for Warnie.

I don't see Mark Howard ripping any billies with his face on them

I don't see Mark Howard ripping any billies with his face on them

 

For so long, Warne was the tallest of poppies, an unassailable dribbler who couldn’t be faulted, until now… but that’s ok. Australians love nothing more than cutting down a tall poppy, it’s part of our history and our heritage. We’re not a society who says that our leaders are saviours of the world or chosen by god, we give them as much vitriol as we would the bloke who’s taking too long to order a schnitty in front of you at a pub.

Would we really accept that one of our cultural heroes is some sort of perfectly righteous and all-knowing demigod? Of course not! He’s a dribbler just like the rest of us, spouting unqualified opinion and unwavering bias… and that’s why we love him. How much less would we, as dribblers, have to talk about this series if it wasn’t for Warnie’s commentary?

Warnie is such a strong and true dribbler that his dribble provides the foundational dribble upon which we as a community can build our own dribble on. He is a gift given to us by the gods of dribble, but just like anything in this world, be it Warnie’s career or this Ashes series, the good cannot exist without the bad.

Shane Warne is Yin and Yang. Shane Warne is the King of Spin and the dunce of dribble. Shane Warne is as true an Aussie dribbler as they come, and we wouldn’t want it any other way.

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

 

Check out the Latest Hello Sport Podcast episode #325 – Covid Nangs

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Dribbler Suggests a New Phrase to rid our Game of the “Middle Third” Plague

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Dribbler Suggests a new Phrase to rid the game of the “Middle Third” Plague

by Joseph Murphy

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As many dribblers have noticed, the phrase “middle third”, mostly promulgated by rugby league greats and commentary snores Corey Parker and  Cooper Cronk,  has come to prominence in the rugby league reference book. Indeed, the words “middle” and “third” were used at least once in every 3 sentences during this weeks fox sports commentary. However, in this dribblers view, the “middle third” must die and be replaced. 

The middle third is of course a visualisation of the field split vertically into 3 equal sections. The middle third is typically dominated by the big boys of rugby league where the most nut is trucked. This makes sense, and is therefore boring. Of course, there is never any discussion about the remainder of the pitch, the realm of the rugby league flyer. You never hear of anyone streaking down the first third, or, sadly, the final third. It is a great shame that we’ve never heard Parker spitting into the mic as To’o takes off down the third third. 

Instead, this dribbler proposes a new phrase be introduced to the rugby league lexicon “between the numbers”, being the section of the field inbetween the painted numbers. This phrase serves many purposes which every great rugby league adage should; a person hearing it for the first time has no clue what is it means and it immediately has an opposing phrase for the rest of the field – “outside the numbers.”

'INSIDE THE NUMBERS'

 

Every good sporting adage should make no sense to the outsider. Being an uncultured Queenslander I’ve found myself at the Gabba (with a free ticket, of course) surrounded by AFL dribblers yelling “ball” every 15 seconds for whatever reason but I still respect the fact that they are yelling something. Field positions in cricket make absolutely no sense. Take someone who has never heard of cricket and tell him to stand at cover. Learning the nonsense phrases of a sport is a key aspect of becoming a fan. 

Rugby league phrases are mostly simple, as are rugby league fans. But we can do better. No longer should we have to sit and describe the greatest game of all with nothing more than “hit him” or just the good old “run!”  

Picture yourself at the pub watching the footy, your team’s run the ball in the middle 3 times, you turn to your mates and say “mate they need to stop playing between the numbers, move the ball!”  To anyone else, that’s complete nonsense; to you, it’s expert analysis. Or better yet, picture the reserve grade captain screaming at his team at halftime to move it “outside the fucking numbers boys” on a field that barely has a visible tryline. 

At the end of the day, this is just pure dribble from a bloke who is trying to distract himself from how shit the Broncos, very much a between the numbers team, have been. Say it if you want, it won’t bring Reece Walsh back.

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site