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Unqualified Opinion

October 14 2021

10 More Hot Takes to Pretend You Know the NBA: Part Two

hsadmin Unqualified Opinion America, American Sports, Basketball, NBA

10 More Hot Takes to Pretend You Know the NBA: Part Two

by Joseph Murphy

This is the second instalment of an introduction to the NBA world and its yarns, which is intended to help you pretend to your mates that you’ve got a clue what’s going on in the NBA. Catch yourself up on part one here. Part 1 is a guide to the 5 most supported teams in the league, enough for you to tread water in any general NBA conversation. Problem us, the NBA is competitive now as it has been in the last few decades and its stars are relatively well spread out across the league.

There’s another problem, that being the obsessive nature of the NBA fan. Once the conversation has steered to the NBA, it’s parked there until everyone has purged themselves of their feelings about whether Rudy Gobert is overrated (he is, but at the same time, he isn’t). You’ve contributed your chosen take, thinking you were done and could put some real thought into the pub menu, maybe today you’d splash that extra few dollars for a rib eye (you won’t and you’re getting a parmy, stop lying to yourself); suddenly, you’re part of an hour-long degustation of NBA dribble.

I’ve chosen the 5 most likely teams to come up in any follow up conversations. I’ve done market research on these, they’re the 5 teams that came up when I found myself stuck in a recent conversation with a relative of mine. Apart from being related, the only thing we have in common is the NBA, so we dribbled.

Just remember, picking takes is like backing roughies, you have to accept the chance you’re wrong. But just like you might throw $10 at a roughie and win $500, when you’re right on a take, you’ve suddenly cracked the code. Just remember to never waiver, never apologise and never acknowledge when you were wrong.

Dallas Mavericks

Dallas is an intriguing team that for some reason I just don’t like this year. I know Luka Doncic is by far the best young player in the league, and he’s knocking on the door of the top 5 guys, but that’s it.

Top 5 is a good non-committal measure of who you think the most talented players are. You might even think Luka is part of that group. But think of the 5 best players and you’ll realise he’s still outside of it, for now. In order of bias, my top 5 are Curry, Giannis, Durant, Harden and Lebron. Luka is still in the Embiid, Davis, Dame, Kyrie group, which is perfectly fine for a guy who’ll only be 23 this season.

Luka will enter his fourth season as the shortest odds for MVP for the second year in a row. He’s one of the most talented individual scorers in the league, a near-flawless playmaker and he’s gone from being a traffic cone on defense to having a slight presence on that end. There is no part of me that doubts Luka’s talent and he continues to improve every year; but, outside of him there’s very little that is positive about the Mavs.

That might not matter, Luka has proven all he needs to win is the ball in his hands. He almost won an Olympic bronze medal without any recognisable professional players and hasn’t let the fact he’s never had a good team stop him in the NBA.

Hot take: Luka drags the Mavs kicking and screaming through to the Western Conference Finals

This season, Dallas are going to pay Kristaps Porzingis $31 million and will likely need to keep paying him that much until 2024. That name might be familiar to the casual fan, you’ve probably seen his name on old Knicks jerseys, from the time where he was a 7 foot 3 super freak with seemingly unlimited potential who loved coming screaming in from the side of the court for huge putback dunks. Sadly, those days are gone and Porzingis is a ground-bound defensive liability who can’t accept that he’s not the focal point of the offence. Porzingis spent the playoffs being run ragged on defence, the Clippers constantly targeting him in pick and roll action.

Salary cap-wise, the Mavs can’t do anything without moving Porzingis on. This is the last year of Luka’s rookie deal and his salary will jump from $10 million to $35 million next year. Balancing the books gets pretty tough when you’re paying two blokes more than $30 million each and one of them doesn’t do anything.

On top of that, the Mavs hired Jason Kidd as their new coach. Kidd is coming off two years as an assistant coach with the Lakers, which were suspiciously quiet., especially for Kidd. I had expected that Kidd would have knifed Lakers head coach Frank Vogel within 6 months of the Lakers 2019-20 season, but Vogel was never under any pressure and very little was said about Kidd during his time at the Lakers.

Kidd was formerly head coach at the Nets and the Bucks and has employed some interesting tactics during his time on the sideline. Whether it’s having a player intentionally knock into him so he can spill his drink onto the court for a free timeout, canceling Christmas for his players, or forcing players who don’t know how to swim into the pool, Kidd hasn’t developed much of a reputation for his X’s and O’s.

Hot take: the Mavs are about to waste another year of Luka, Kidd will be fired by March.

Denver Nuggets

Thinking about the Nuggets makes me sad. Coming into last year they were perfectly placed for a run to the title on the back of Murray and Jokic’s dominance in the bubble. In the regular season they didn’t show any signs of slowing, Jokic solidified himself as MVP and Michael Porter Jr showed massive improvement, shooting his dick off after the All-Star break.

Tragedy struck in April when Murray went down in the 4th quarter with a torn ACL in his first game back from a 4 game absence. Last year was rough in terms of injuries and this was a real heartbreaker. There’s a chance that Murray will be able to come back before the playoffs this season and I’ve got no doubt Denver will be a playoff team again this year, but if Murray was healthy Denver would be my smokey pick to win the championship.

Hot take: nothing awaits Denver, just pain and sadness

Denver will still be a great team this year and they’ve had an entire off-season to restructure their offence without Murray. They also have the most uniquely talented player in Jokic, a 6 foot 11 monster who sees 3 plays ahead on offence, who can hit any shot and at least once a game will do something you’ve never seen before. People can cast doubt on Jokic’s MVP, earned in a season where a lot of the major contenders had injuries, but that’s false, he was incredible last year. Jokic alone gets you to 40 wins.

Every year Denver somehow unearths a gem on their bench, going back to guys like Will Barton, Torrey Craig and PJ Dozier, they’ve always had unexpected extra production from an overachiever. It’s not much more than blind optimism to think that Bol Bol will play more than 5 minutes a game this year but could you imagine him becoming an impact player off the bench?

It’s a shame they won’t be able to show their full strength this year but don’t be surprised when Denver knocks out someone like the Lakers or Suns come playoff time. If you’re looking to pick a team and don’t want to look like a bandwagoner, pick Denver.

Hot take: Denver have a puncher’s chance of making it deep into the playoffs

Charlotte Hornets

These guys are the absolute hot boys of the NBA. They are young, athletic and play ridiculously fast – not to mention they have the best commentators in the league. One moment they’ll be back on defence then as soon as they get their hands on the ball LaMelo, of Illawarra Hawks fame, will throw a no-look full-court pass with his left hand to Miles Bridges while their commentator, Eric Collins screams “HUM DIDDLY DEE!” If you consume basketball via Instagram, this should all be familiar to you.

I was one of the many doubters LaMelo proved wrong last year, he put together a great rookie season and showed that even one truly elite skill, in his case passing, is enough to get you by in the NBA. He also showed enough of a shooting touch and a nice inside game to believe he’ll improve in those areas. He’s a traffic cone on defence but who cares about that when the game’s a race for whoever can score 120 first?

Charlotte remains a young team with good veteran leadership in Gordon Hayward; every indication is that they will improve. Charlotte will be fighting for the playoffs anywhere in the 6-10 range with teams like Indiana, Washington, Chicago, Toronto, Cleveland – not the toughest competition.

Hot Take: Charlotte will keep improving, make the playoffs and take an upset win in the first round

Facing reality, Charlotte are one injury away from complete failure. When Hayward doesn’t play, they fall apart. Unfortunately, Hayward has had a string of injuries dating back to a horrific broken ankle in 2017 and has spent most of the last few years on the sideline.

They also traded for Mason Plumlee this off-season. Plumlee is perhaps the least aware player in the NBA, especially in a big moment. During his time in the bubble with Denver, Plumlee was responsible for two game-winners, where he stood and watched his man score, then turned to his teammates to find someone to blame. You might argue that he won’t be on the court for big moments, but remember that he somehow had the ability to convince Mike Malone that he was needed in the clutch for a far more talented Denver team, twice. I hate that he’s on this team. This might be a disproportionate reaction to a bench player, but trust me, Mason Plumlee ruins basketball games.

This leads to the point that Charlotte only play one side of the floor. It’s all well and good scoring 120 but you need to stop the other team from scoring 130. Pre-season doesn’t count for much but Charlotte just lost to Dallas but 68 points, the worst loss in history.

Hot take: Charlotte are a gimmick fake playoff team who are paper-thin

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Atlanta Hawks

Please join me in welcoming the new villain of the league, Trae Young. Trae spent the playoffs quieting crowds at Madison Square Garden, shimmying before shooting open 3’s, intimidating Ben Simmons from taking a lay-up so much that he’s now refused to ever play for the Sixers again, and showing everyone he’s one of the best young players in the league. I fucking loved every minute of it.

Atlanta ended last season strong, taking 2 games off the Bucks in the Eastern Conference Finals, one of which Trae scored 48 points, the other when Giannis’ knee bent the complete opposite direction. Last year’s success was ahead of schedule, but I refuse to believe that Trae, who again scored 48 in his Conference Finals debut, lacks the ability to do it again.

Not to mention Atlanta worked out how to use Bogdanovic properly in the second half of the season and they’ll get healthy versions of De’Andre Hunter and Cam Reddish back – really great guys to round out their lineup. Add to this the fact that John Collins has made a habit of taking his defender’s souls by catching lobs and dunking all over them.

I’m really high on this Hawks team and I can’t see a reason to doubt them. You can bank on Trae scoring 12 points in the last 2 minutes of a game and waving goodbye to the other team at least 3 times this year.

Come the greatest day of the year, Boxing Day, make sure you start your day watching the Hawks play the Knicks in Madison Square Garden. Knicks fans should have it out for Trae and he’ll embrace it. Prepare for at least one thrown bottle.

Hot take: Atlanta have announced themselves as a top team in the East and are a chance at the Finals

In anticipation of some fight back, I am willingly ignoring the fact that Trae abused the rules so badly last season that they had to change the rules. Inspired by James Harden, Trae led the league in free throw attempts last year by jumping into defenders trying to contest his jump shots, or stopping for no reason when someone was chasing him. You have to remember that Trae is a villain, and that is completely villainous behaviour which should be admired.

Hot take: fuck you, there’s no negative take. Learn to love Trae.

Milwaukee Bucks

It could be said that if you were ever going to sneak yourself a championship, it was last year. The Lakers were injured most of the season and quickly fell out of the playoffs, the Clippers looked dangerous until Kawhi tore his ACL, Brooklyn lost both Kyrie and Harden to injury, the Warriors were missing Klay, the Nuggets missing Murray and both Utah and Philly choked their chances away.

It’s easy to forget that this is the same team that was completely capitulated by Brooklyn in the opening 2 game of their series, who were also on the verge of firing their coach until they clawed their way back into the series. History is written by the victors, and the Bucks get to write the story of them rallying behind their dominant superstar as he hit another level in his career, instead of the story of a stilted offence that could be shut down by broken-down Blake Griffin.

This is a great team, but for them to repeat last years’ success, they’ll need to be in the right place at the right time again and everyone’s luck runs out sometime.

Hot take: there’s 0 chance the Bucks go back-to-back

Instead, you could point to Giannis’ series winning 50 points in game 6 of the Finals, or his game 5 alley-oop, or his game 4 block. The man stood up in 3 crucial games and decided no one was going to beat him. That game 5 alley-oop sticks out in my head as one of the most fucked plays I’ve ever seen. After stealing the ball from Booker, Jrue Holiday has every reason to run straight to the corner and hold the ball, draw out the clock and wait for the foul: if he does that they win and he’s the hero. I had to watch the video to remember he stole the ball from Booker, that moment alone should stand out.

Instead, he looks up and sees an absolute behemoth of a man crossing half-court unimpeded with his hand raised and Jrue tosses it up. There’s every chance the ball’s tipped, or Giannis doesn’t quite catch it, or he doesn’t make the dunk. But he doesn’t. The face of the franchise crushes it home and seals the game. Traditional wisdom says that’s a bad play, but going against traditional wisdom is what gets you Finals glory, and Giannis is dripping in enough Finals glory to get him through the next 3 seasons.

The team hasn’t changed all that much, PJ Tucker is out which is a loss, but at the end of the day, the only real question is whether Giannis is healthy, which he is – that makes them an elite team. Giannis isn’t scared of anyone in the East, and he’s so competitive he wants to go against Brooklyn, beat Harden and Durant and prove that he’s the best player in the world. He’s gotten better every year of his career, there’s no reason to think he won’t again.

Hot take: Giannis will prove he is the best player in the world, winning back-to-back finals and Finals MVP.

There you have it, we’re about a week away from the NBA and you can talk shit about a third of the league. Hopefully, this has also got you hot and heavy for a big year of NBA. After a bubble season and a shortened covid season, this is the first 82 game NBA season since 2019. The league made it through covid fine, but there’s nothing like watching 20,000 rabid New Yorkers screaming in a packed Madison Square Garden on a Wednesday night. With such a packed season, the NBA is always there for you, there’s always something happening and there’s always plenty of people ready to dribble and yarn about it

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

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October 11 2021

10 Hot Takes to Make You Sound Legit to Your NBA Mates

hsadmin Unqualified Opinion Basketball, Boston Celtics, Brooklyn Nets, Chicago Bulls, Dribble, Golden State Warriors, Hot Takes, Hot tips, LA Lakers, Los Angeles Lakers, NBA

10 Hot Takes to Make You Sound Legit to Your NBA Mates

by Joseph Murphy

Have you ever been catching up with mates, enjoying a few beers and some dribble and yarn when suddenly everyone starts talking almost entirely in percentages, trades and player contracts? It’s about this time every year, as the days get hotter and longer, that ‘those mates’ start to move to the dark side of the sporting moon, the American variants. This is a guide to get you into those conversations.

I’m talking of course about the NBA. I don’t know anything about the NFL so if you’re looking for tips on how to chat gridiron, I can’t help you with any more than “Lamar Jackson is cool”. What I can offer you is what I’ve learnt through my years of being the guy at work whose second screen is always that little bit askew, who is very careful to keep a handy half-complete word document ready to bring up and obscure the Orlando v Oklahoma City game that I’m intently watching to make sure Shai Gilgeous-Alexander reaches his rebounds over. More than that, I am an utter dribbler.

So let me guide you through the world of NBA yarn. There is no greater conversational tool in the NBA landscape than a hot take. And of course, being a dribbler who has decided to contribute to a conversation you know nothing about, you need to make an impact with pure unqualified opinion and unwavering bias. You can drop the following hot takes into conversations with your NBA mates. Because I’m generous, I’ve given you both a positive and a negative take so you can pick whatever flavour of conversational poison you’d like to inject.

For reasons of my own sanity, I’ve only picked the 5 most discussed of the 30 NBA teams. If you find that your mates are having lengthy conversations about the Sacramento Kings or the Orlando Magic, you need to get new mates, those blokes have gone too deep. I also haven’t covered the Philadelphia 76er’s because, as much as that is the most interesting story in sport right now, there’s not much to say until if and when Simmons gets traded.

The most important thing to remember is to avoid using statistics at all costs: do not DYOR. This might seem contrary to your instinct as a dribbler to attempt to back up your shit takes with a quick google that immediately proves you wrong, but just know that NBA dribblers are well-versed in useless stats. Like most American sports, the NBA tracks everything, and unless you know every real plus-minus, on/off, offensive rating and defensive rating you’ll very quickly find yourself swimming nude with the tide all the way in.

Thankfully, there is an easy way to stave off any statistical assaults by the dribbler who wants to quote James Harden’s effective 3 point field goal percentage when a defender is between 2-4 feet (a real stat): reply ‘mate I just use the eye test’, meaning you’d rather judge a player from watching them than by reading nonsense statistics. This simple phrase, based in pure vibe, immediately takes you out of the realm of statistics and into the realm of a bloke that actually watches games instead of blogs full of stats; a basketball purist, if you will.

Chicago Bulls

Every dribbler’s first dalliance with NBA fandom begins with the Bulls. Chances are you’ve watched the Last Dance and at one point you bought a random Jordan jersey in Bali a few years back. Congratulations, you’re basically a Bulls fan. Be prepared to see a lot of blokes dusting off their old Derrick Rose #1 jerseys if they start playing well this year.

It’s a commonly held thought that the Bulls being good is good for the league. That might be true, given they’ve got one of the largest supporter bases, but I think it’s more fun when the Bulls suck. Bulls fans are among the most delirious NBA fans, always convinced the big free agent will sign with them or that their latest rookie who was picked at 26 is somehow going to win MVP this year. Bulls fans have been battling with nearly a decade of mediocrity and year after year of rosters full of forgettable players. And before all you Bulls fans come attacking me let me give you credit for that one playoff game you beat Lebron’s Cavs; congratulations, you didn’t get swept.

This year, they’ve been bolstered through the additions of Lonzo Ball, Demar DeRozan and Alex Caruso. Lonzo is a decent NBA player, who every year has supposed to become more than he was the previous year but somehow never makes it. Demar DeRozan is a ball stopper stuck in the years before teams realised shooting a shit tonne of 3s was way better than mid-range jumpers (the demilitarised zone between the key and the 3 point line), Demar’s bread and butter. Caruso is a meme, but in terms of skill the most you can say about him is that he is a basketball player on an NBA team.

Luckily for the Bulls, the Eastern Conference is still top-heavy and making the playoffs only requires you to play good basketball for about 30% of the season.

Hot take: the Bulls are no better than a 6 seed in the East

If you detected bias just now, that’s because I really think this Bulls team sucks, I feel it deep down in my bones. But I promised you a positive take so let me flip the switch and betray myself for the sake of the punter and dribbler.

Patrick Williams had an underrated rookie season and should continue to improve. Even though I know it’s probably never going to work out, I still believe in Coby White. Admittedly, Lavine had a great year last year and actually played defense in the Olympics, something he’s been allergic to during his time in the league. Not to mention he’ll be an unrestricted free agent at the end of the year and will be playing to prove he’s worth the $105 million he’ll be asking for next year. The Bulls should be desperate to keep him, and the only way they do that is by making the playoffs.

Hot take: it’s the 90’s again baby! The Bulls are good again!

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Boston Celtics

The Celtics are another team that falls into the general dribbler consciousness. Chances are you’ve got an old Rondo #9 jersey somewhere in the back of the wardrobe. I wouldn’t encourage you to break that one out though, Rondo has taken a lap around the league in the last few years, playing for the Celtics’ nemesis, the Lakers, twice.

The Celtics have been a cocktease for the last three years. They’re built around Jayson Tatum and Jalen Brown, both under 25 and talented as fuck. They’ve had two chances at making the Finals in the last four years, a benchmark for an elite team. They had one of the best coaches in the league in Brad Stevens, who has moved into the General Manager role this year. Apparently their new coach, Ime Udoka, is a gun, but that’s been said of a thousand coaches who also ended up getting fired in their first year.

It’s hard to know where to land on this team. They had Kyrie, that failed, so they got Gordon Hayward, and that failed too. Kyrie left and they replaced him with Kemba Walker, which failed. Off-season wise, the Celtics didn’t add anyone who’ll make the team obviously better, but they added a bunch of guys that won’t make them obviously worse. Still, Tatum and Brown are absolute freaks who haven’t even hit their prime. It’s hard to think that this season won’t go well with them taking more leadership in the squad. But it’s been Boston’s year since 2018 and I’ve been hurt too many times.

In 2018 there were 3 properly good Eastern Conference teams, now the Celtics have to compete with at least Milwaukee, Brooklyn, Philadelphia, Miami, Atlanta and maybe New York and Chicago. For Boston, success should be making it past these teams into the Finals.

Hot take: the Celtics are moving backwards while everyone around them gets better. Trade Tatum and Brown for picks now and rebuild.

Hot take: Tatum and Brown are ready to take this team to the promised land.

Los Angeles Lakers

The Lakers return after what was a disappointing title defence, being knocked out in the first round of the playoffs by the eventual Western Conference Champions, the Phoenix Suns. This was equal parts due to horrible injury luck, with Lebron and Anthony Davis missing much of the season through injury.

This off-season, the Lakers have revamped their lineup all over again, trading much of their youth to Washington for Russell Westbrook and bringing in well-aged talent in the form of 37 year-old Carmelo Anthony and 36 year-old Trevor Ariza. More positive and likely to contribute are the additions of Malik Monk and Kendrick Nunn, young guys who have shown plenty of talent in flashes with their previous teams, who both signed ‘prove it’ one year deals.

No one attracts takes like Lebron James, he is among both the most loved and the most hated athletes of all time. He has the greatest basketball mind of all time, he’s won every award you can possibly win, he’s about to start his 19th season and he’s still easily a top 5 player in the league. He has done some of the most amazing things you will ever see on a basketball court, but somehow he’s just one of those guys that’s fun to hate.

If you think that last year was a failed season for the Lakers, be aware that Lebron doesn’t fail twice in a row. The Lakers missed the playoffs in 2019 and won the championship the next year after adding Anthony Davis. Lebron needs 2 more championships to equal Jordan, he will not stop until he reaches that goal.

Hot take: the Lakers have re-tooled and are ready for another championship, Lebron will win MVP and Finals MVP.

On the other hand, Russell Westbrook has only made it past the first round of the playoffs once in the last 5 years. When he did make it to the second round in 2020, he played for the Houston Rockets against the Lakers, who thought so little of his shooting potential that they basically didn’t guard him. Westbrook is no longer the athletic freak he once was, playing 2 feet above the rim. One could argue that he is an effective player statistically, averaging a triple double last year, but that’s the same lie you tell yourself when you drink Pure Blonde acting like it’s somehow healthy. Stop lying to yourself.

As I mentioned earlier, this roster is old as fuck, the oldest in the league. I thought Trevor Ariza retired at least 3 years ago. Carmelo is fun to watch shoot, but pretending like he’s going to make an impact when he hasn’t been able to move around a screen since he was in New York.

Oh and don’t forget Dwight Howard and Rajon Rondo. If you remember playing NBA 2k10 back in the day these should all be familiar names to you. Sadly watching these guys play now is kind of like putting that disc back in and realising Xbox 360 graphics weren’t as realistic as you once thought. The Western Conference isn’t the place to carry dead weight on your roster. It is a ruthless conference loaded with the best teams and the greatest talent, and only one team makes it to the Finals.

Hot take: the Lakers have wasted roster and salary for a bunch of betas that won’t contribute anything. The West has moved on.

Brooklyn Nets

Holy fuck this team is complicated. Obviously they are talented as fuck, boasting a lineup including Kevin Durant, James Harden and Kyrie Irving. But that’s in jeopardy as apparently Kyrie is refusing to get vaccinated and, if he isn’t vaccinated, he will miss all 41 of the Nets home games this year. The problem is that Kevin Durant and James Harden are so good that they could take the number 1 seed in the East without him.

That’s really where these takes are formed. Without delving into pro-vax rhetoric I’ll state the obvious that missing one of the best point guards in the world for half a season is a bad thing.On top of that, Durant and Harden spent a lot of last season injured, with Harden missing most of the playoffs with injury. Health is a massive concern for this team.

Hot take: there is no chance the Nets can put together a championship calibre lineup without Kyrie and keep both Harden and Durant healthy

However, the Nets had a great off-season. You’ll probably know that they added Patty Mills and kept hold of Blake Griffin, who made solid contributions in last year’s playoffs. They drafted Cam Thomas, who looks great, added a great veteran in Paul Millsap and should see more improvement out of their young guns Nic Claxton and Bruce Brown, who will be more comfortable playing with Durant and Harden.

Historically, any team with Kevin Durant is a good team and any team with James Harden is a good team. Durant and Harden together makes a team fucking amazing, they proved it back in Oklahoma City and would have proved it again last year when Harden went out. The only reason the Nets were eliminated was that Durant’s toe was on the line in their game 7 against the Bucks, meaning he hit a game-tying 2 pointer instead of a game-winning 3. Really, this isn’t difficult, Durant is the best player in the world. This is hardly a hot take.

Hot take: Durant and Harden can lead Brooklyn to a championship without Kyrie

Golden State Warriors

Full disclosure, I love the Warriors. I love Stephen Curry more than some members of my own family, and I love Draymond Green a little bit more than that.

The last few years have been tough for the Warriors. After watching the team fall apart and scream at each other during games throughout the regular season in 2019, everyone got injured in the Finals and then Kevin Durant left. Klay Thompson, the nicest guy in the league, hasn’t played for two seasons after tearing his ACL and Achilles in successive years. Through a bunch of trades that I can’t remember, the Warriors ended up with the number 2 pick last year, choosing James Wiseman, a 7 foot athletic freak who kinda doesn’t know how to play basketball. They used the number 7 pick this year to pick Jonathan Kuminga, a 6 foot 7 athletic freak who kinda doesn’t know how to play basketball. The few guys who are left from the dynasty teams are older and apart from Draymond, have all had major injuries.

Hot take: not only is the dynasty over, but the Warriors have completely fucked their future by drafting two high upside guys that won’t work out.

So those are the negatives – they’re pretty negative. I feel physically ill having to put that into writing, but sometimes you have to embrace the darkness so you can really see the light.

On the other hand, Steph Curry just had a season where he put up identical numbers to his unanimous MVP season, on a far worse team where he had to handle the ball on every possession. There were times last year where Curry would cross half court and be met by 4 defenders. This was a good defensive strategy because, apart from Curry, the Warriors were practically illiterate on offence last year.

Things will be better this year, not just because Klay will be back, but because the Warriors have unearthed Jordan Poole, an offensive freak capable of scoring 30 points on his own. When anyone who can shoot is on the floor at the same time as Curry, they get open shots purely because the opposition can’t leave Curry alone for a second and if they do, Curry scores. To be successful at the Warriors, all you need to do is play average defence, stand in the corner on offence and hit open 3’s when the ball comes to you. New additions Otto Porter, Nemanja Bjelica and Avery Bradley can theoretically do that.

There’s also the chance that Wiseman and Kuminga can contribute this year. The problem with Wiseman is that he does everything in extremes: he gives you a variety of some of the most amazing plays you’ll ever see mixed in with a healthy dose of some of the dumbest shit you can do on the court. Kuminga is exciting and he’s the kind of guy the warriors have never had before, he’s slippery in the lane and capable of getting to the rim and dunking after two steps.

Hot take: the Warriors are a genuine chance to take the West and start the next 5 years of their dynasty on the backs of Wiseman and Kuminga

Take these as you will and use them to disrupt conversations you’re missing out on. This is just 5 of the 30 NBA teams, and there’s some great narrative out there that isn’t covered in this article. If you want it, I’ve got more spice ready to help you talk shit about all of them.

The more experienced NBA dribblers among you may say that some of these aren’t really hot takes, and you’re probably right, it’s not a hot take to say that the Lakers might win. But were you really going to read all of this if I called it “10 opinions to help you talk to your NBA mates”?

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

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September 11 2021

What Does Ben Simmons Have in Common with My Toxic Ex-Girlfriend?

hsadmin Unqualified Opinion Basketball, Ben Simmons, Boomers, NBA

What Does Ben Simmons Have in Common with My Toxic Ex-Girlfriend?

by Joseph Murphy

We’ve made it to the business end of the rugby league calendar, I should be frothing over the prospect of, apart from the Eels, the league’s best teams going at it. Yet, nearly 3 months since he inexplicably passed up a layup over Trae Young to pass to Australian Olympic hero Matisse Thybulle, I still can’t stop thinking about Ben Simmons.

Much like a certain ex-girlfriend of mine, I still can’t decide if I love him or I hate him. I’m acting like a jaded lover, watching every Instagram story, analysis every post and trying to find the meaning behind every cryptic caption. Is he improving his jumper? Is he working out? Why has he gone and bought a $2 million hypercar when he should be in the gym? He’s an Australian born (love) superstar (love) who skipped the Olympics to suck face at Wimbledon (hate) who hasn’t shown any offensive improvement in his 5 years in the league (hate).

Simmons is, at his best, one of the top 20-or-so players in the league. He’s capable of defending the other teams best players, forcing a miss, grabbing the rebound and turning to fly down the court, hit an open man with a pinpoint pass or dunk with authority. Watch his highlights and he looks like the greatest Australian player of all time. At his worst, he’s a guy who’s scared to shoot in the 4th quarter of a playoff game that shoots 34% at the free throw line.

Simmons doesn’t do much to make himself likeable. The past 4 off-seasons have come with videos of him shooting a single 3 in an empty gym or dominating a bunch of nobodies in a training run that looks as if it’s slow motion. There are reports that “actually Ben can shoot 3s he’s just such a perfectionist he doesn’t want to do it if he knows he’s not going to be elite at it” contrasted with him attempting less than 20 shots in any fourth quarter in an entire playoff series. On court he’s an imposing figure, jacked and stacked at 6 foot 11 who throws good chat occasionally

After game 7 of the Sixers-Hawks series, the worst performance of his career, Simmons was publicly dragged by his coach and co-star Joel Embiid. Simmons has made it clear he’s not coming back to Philadelphia, recently deciding not to attend training camp, a move that could apparently cost him $1.5 million. Since that game, the Sixers have tried to lump Simmons and the remaining four years of his fucking huge $177 million contract on anyone that will pick up the phone. Those attempts have proven unsuccessful and we are in full-on soap opera mode.

NBA off-season is absolute madness. Given players are on contracts equivalent to the GDP of a small country they are less prone to risking their contracts by jumping off a moving scooter during the off-season. That means the drama comes from the front office, and it doesn’t disappoint. Contracts are more of a guideline when a general manager can say “hey, you live in Denver now,” or a guy like James Harden can decide to sit out training camp because he doesn’t want to play in Houston anymore.

The Simmons situation is filled with drama. Simmons has made it clear that he won’t be coming back to Philadelphia, making the front office having to attempt to convince another team that the guy who fell flat on his face in the playoffs is actually the guy they need – so long as they give up their best player, their next 5 draft picks and agree to a strict no take-backs clause. Simmons apparently wants to be traded to “one of the three California teams” (there’s four) but that doesn’t look like it’s happening after the Lakers traded for Westbrook, the Clippers committed to Kawhi and Golden State publicly stated they wouldn’t trade for Simmons at Philly’s current price.

There’s every chance that Simmons is traded overnight to some NBA backwater willing to take a gamble, maybe Cleveland or Sacramento. But it won’t stop Simmons from taking up more real estate in my mind. If he’s the only option on a terrible team, will he be able to reliably get to the lane and finish with the power he’s shown in flashes? What if you built a team around Simmons and his weaknesses? How much is a lobotomy so I can move on with my life?

No matter what happens, the Simmons saga will play on. There are as many reasons to hate him as there are to love him. The longer he fights with the Philly front office, the larger the eventual explosion when he leaves. I won’t have any choice but to follow it closely and wondering if it was ever worth believing in him.

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