Before I go any further, put those scissors down because you won’t be getting a haircut for a long while. If there was ever a time to suffer the awkward stage of hair forcing you to wear a hat when undertaking physical exercise (we’ll get to that soon), but not long enough to start borrowing Mum’s hair ties and claim it’s a man-bun, it is now in lockdown. For the first time in 20 years it’s not sleazy to grow a mullet, so what are you waiting for, you know you want to.

One of the first things we can do to instantly make a difference and turn us from a 6 to a 7, is we can start to clean out our wardrobe. When not rocking Doggies gear, Baz dresses almost exclusively in items of clothing that my father also owned, aka Vintage wear. Get yourself some loose-fitting denim shorts to pair with your 1997 Nike Air Maxes and you will be halfway there. Unfortunately for those who bought the bounced out trackies we are heading into Summer; however, this is actually great news because to compliment the vintage look it is imperative we work on our tan.

Finally, it goes without saying that we need to either be hitting the gym or hitting the pads, depending on your starting point. AFL midfielders need to be the complete package of strong, fit, and skillful, so I would recommend mixing in both aerobic and anaerobic workouts at a minimum of twice per week, including the Sherrin as often as needed, depending on levels of hand-eye coordination. These workouts are vital in boosting testosterone levels, which is necessary as you will need to lower your voice at least one octave to sound anything like Bailey.

Best wishes go out to Baz for the grand final on September 24, however, I will not be cheering him on this time. As much as I now love him and the Dogs, I’m hoping this will be a lesson of resilience. With Melbourne not having won a flag since 1964, nobody is more deserving, and I am hopeful for another Max Gawn masterclass. Learn your place Baz, your time will come. Carn the Dees!