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A Love Letter to God’s Winter Game

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A Love Letter to God’s Winter Game

by Kicking Tee Dribbler

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It’s 3:23 pm on a Sunday. You’ve got chores on your list but you become distracted. A true Sunday blockbuster catches your eye. Dragons vs Tigers. The sight of Blake Lawrie trucking nut and Luke Brooks kicking it out on the full is enough to convince you to put the lawnmower away and tuck into Sunday league. Aaron Woods comes off the bench to drop the ball, soon after Cody Ramsay attempts some aerobatic footy and Vossy chortles “He’s trying out for the Olympics!?”. The game is awful. The Tigers play some of their best footy in years. The Dragons win, 20-8.

Rugby League, I miss you.

You went out on the town last night. In between slobbering over a Bloke you catch two of Pap’s three tries as the Storm smoke the Bulldogs: 38-4. Blocker starts the broadcast claiming “They’re in with a chance here the Doggies!”. They were never in with a chance. The Dog’s play the second half with 12 men, after Jack Hetherington removes Jahrome Hughes’ head with a swinging arm that could blind a man. More fodder for Monday night NRL 360. You spot a Dribbler in a black cap and you head over for a chat.

Later that evening, while your head spins with a bag of Maccas on your lap, you decide the only cure for a hangover is more Rugby League. You log into NRL. com and watch six reels of match highlights. The internet steers you down a deep well of State of Origin’s Greatest Biffs which inevitably leads you to Luke O’Donnell spearing Darius into the ground in 2010. It serves as the perfect lullaby for a good night’s sleep.

Rugby League, Oh how I miss you.

 

Monday at work. Some thin hips coworker with a metabolism you’re jealous of tries to “talk sports”. He tells you he went to the ‘Swannies’ game on the weekend and it was “really good”’. You nod politely but you’re not really listening. Your mind is occupied with the conundrum of the NSW back row. Will Freddy go with Yeo, Sims and Murray again? Or go rogue and hand a jumper back to Frizell? These Blatchy Blues maths keep your brain occupied until you get home and switch on the TV for Monday Night NRL 360. Buzz and Hooper debate whether Brad Arthur has lost the dressing room and Yvonne Sampson keeps them on topic like a school teacher babysitting toddlers.

Ahhh a Rugby League talk show, I miss you.

P’s and D’s, it’s 32 days until the Steeden is put back on the Tee. Five more Sundays until you can tune into Madge screaming into the perspex at Netstrata Jubilee. And 890 hours until you can spend your Monday night watching Buzz, Hooper and Yvonne debate whether a 9-match suspension is adequate for a young, hot throbber recently caught urinating on a cop car.

I for one cannot wait. God’s Winter is coming.

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

 

Check out the Latest Hello Sport Podcast episode #336 – Germs of the Earth

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Is Rugby League Losing Its Nostalgia?

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Is Rugby League Losing Its Nostalgia?

by Kit Hearn

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As we say goodbye to the 2010’s in a Rugby League context, do we also say Vale to nostalgia?

Nostalgia is the common leitmotif when reminiscing on the heroes of the greatest game of all. Household names like your Joey’s, Lockyer’s, Smiths, Thurston’s, Messengers, Meninga’s, Beatson’s, etc all serve as archetypes of Rugby League apogee. I pose the inquiry; Is the game investing enough into sentimentality in the present to be enjoyed for the future?

Recently I found myself indulging in some Origin full match replays from 2004-2014. I couldn’t shake my internal quarrel of “games gone soft” rhetoric verses; “It’s just seeing nostalgia with rose-coloured glasses”. The foundations of any empire are based on a shared belief in something. In the case of the Rugby League empire, the Rugby League Gods granted the working class with the gift of a more uncouth blue-collar interpretation of Rugby Union. From the beginning in 1908, Rugby League has prided itself on community attachment and engagement, toughness, resilience, and a driving force to overcome the weekly war of attrition over the opposition in a somewhat controlled environment. Over the years, Rugby League found popularity which was contingent on these fundamental Rugby League truths.

Ignorance is bliss they say, little did we know of the threats concussion and head trauma could shadow over the game, and in the last decade, we have seen the repercussions. The NRL had an expenditure of 25 million dollars on legal fees for this issue in 2019. Magic Round 2021 was a frightening insight into what could be to come if this P.C version of Rugby League was to reach its potential.

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But is it too convenient to suggest it’s the crackdown on high tackles and shoulder charges that are to blame for the game’s new direction? Sombreros, paper bags, boats, hot piss, grey third-party entitlements, all connotations the community has become familiar with within the last ten years that have stained our game. Perhaps we saw cracks earlier. Did it start with the Bulldogs bereavement of their family reputation? All I ponder is an inquest into where competitiveness went too far.

I’ll say this punters and dribblers, metaphorically speaking, Rugby League is a topological entity that has and will shift to different interpretations of itself. As we pay homage to another era of Rugby League in the 2010’s we can already depict shared nostalgia from the last 10 years; Lockyer’s farewell, Cooper Cronk’s 43 metre field goal in game 3 of Origin in 2012, Sam Burgess’ grand final heroics, NSW break the drought, Gallen’s finally a winner, That JT field goal to close out 2015 and more. 

I dare say in years to come we will look back in awe of Tommy T’s golden year of form. Perhaps Rugby League nostalgia isn’t dying, it just takes time to realise you don’t know what you had until it’s gone. 

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

 

Check out the Latest Hello Sport Podcast episode #321 – Crystal Ducks

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ABSOLUTE DRIBBLE: Bring Back the Big Balls Dance for NBA Week 6

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ABSOLUTE DRIBBLE: Bring Back the Big Balls Dance for NBA Week 6

by Joseph Murphy

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We’re basically at the quarter mark of the regular season, the official endpoint for the ‘small sample size’ argument which has been so handy at avoiding accountability for being wrong. The next few weeks are a bit of a lul for the NBA as the best teams start pulling away from the pack and the garbage teams start to cast themselves adrift. 

No teams have truly given up on what they dreamt of being at the start of the year (OKC and Houston planned to be this bad), but the Kings are showing signs of a very quick unraveling.  After firing coach Luke Walton just over a week ago, they managed to beat Portland and then the Lakers in triple overtime. I don’t think those wins were much more than the team trying to show they’re better off without their ex, single and ready to mingle, but they’re at least some good news for a franchise that has had an awful last 20-or-so years. I’m not going to pretend to know how to solve the Kings’ problems –  unless the answer is to just put the poor franchise out of its misery by taking it out the back and shooting it.   

Phoenix are making basketball look easy

Picture this: you’re slumped on the couch, watching the afternoon session of day 3 of a test match, your hangover finally fading and the first signs of a cheeky nap start emerging, just for some uneducated dribbler to say “I don’t get, why don’t they just hit 6s every ball?” There’s a twist of anger and respect for the great tradition of the contest of test cricket that can really give you the energy to ruin your misso’s afternoon. For basketball, the same statement would be “I don’t get it, why don’t they just hit every shot?” If they did, they would be this year’s Phoenix Suns. 

Theoretically, basketball is an easy sport: move the ball, get it to the open man. If you can’t, you’ve probably run around enough that there’s a mismatch somewhere to exploit and you can have a big guy bully someone a foot smaller than him, or a guard sprint past a 7 footer whose turning circle is just as wide. Except running around for 48 minutes sucks, defense is too tiring, and setting a screen is basically an invitation saying “hey, run straight into me as fast as you can, don’t worry, my hands are by my side”. Right now, the Suns are playing basketball like it’s as easy as just hitting a 6 every ball in cricket. 

Devin Booker floating around off-ball is a thing of beauty. He’s always darting around screens, throwing off his defender with elite footwork, or just straight up shoving them into the behemoth that is DeAndre Ayton and cutting into space. The gravity of Booker always moving just makes things happen for everyone else and who better to capitalise on a defender too preoccupied with “oh fuck – where’s Booker going” than Chris Paul? 

One of the reasons this team isn’t getting the raucous praise most teams on a double-digit streak get is that you can’t nail down their offence to one category. Like the Nets offense is good because Kevin Durant can hit any shot the human brain is capable of imagining. The Suns’ offense is good because it rarely goes wrong. For one of the greatest point guards of all time, there’s a bizarre lack of praise for the way Chris Paul has this team moving together on a string. Any time a defender is half a step too slow or misses a rotation slightly, Paul’s already thrown the perfect pass to the open man. 

Last time we checked in on the Suns they were on a 9 game streak heading into back-to-back games against Dallas. That streak is now up to 16 and they have the chance to make it through all of November undefeated when the Warriors visit tomorrow. When the Warriors have been faced with a challenge this year they’ve stepped up their defence and crushed teams like the Bulls and Nets in the third quarter. Except right now it feels like Phoenix are making every shot they attempt. 

Phoenix are making themselves comfortable amongst the truly elite teams in the NBA and are proving that last year’s finals appearance was more than just a fluke. If things go wrong for me personally and they beat the Warriors twice, this streak could be at 20 very soon.

Figure 1: Lebron James reminds Indiana to speak to their Doctor via Pilot

Figure 1: Lebron James reminds Indiana to speak to their Doctor via Pilot

 

Let the boys celebrate

There’s no doubt that professional basketball is the realm of the showman. This is a sport where, if he’s a big enough star, one guy can repeatedly call plays for himself at the end of a game. If that guy goes on to win the game on one of those plays, he should be entitled to celebrate in whatever way he desires. However, sometimes the league gets in the way. 

Generally, the NBA isn’t as bad as other pearl-clutching leagues like the NFL, where the display of human emotion is strictly prohibited. For some reason, the league does have it out for the much loved ‘Big Balls Dance’. The Big Balls Dance is pretty self-explanatory –  you dance as if you have absolutely massive balls. It’s saved for an occasion where a player hits a particularly clutch shot, the kind of shot that silences an opposing crowd. Recently, LeBron James and Fred VanVleet were each fined $15,000 for expressing the size of their relative nut sacks following dagger 3’s. One might argue that Lebron’s dance was a touch less comical than the typical Big Balls Dance, more of a gesture of ‘Indiana, check out my hog’, but I’m not here to critique form. 

The Big Balls Dance was a more-common celebration during the mid-2000’s, until former commissioner David Stern, who hated anything fun and cool, designated the Big Balls Dance as an ‘obscene act’ worthy of excessive fining in 2011. It’s truly touching that now, with the knowledge that they are about to lose at least $15,000, players are still breaking out the Big Balls Dance. 

Another celebration which is steadily gaining popularity is the ‘too small’ gesture, when the scoring player holds their hand at about knee-height, indicating that no matter what their defender does, they will always be physically unable to stop them. Personally, I prefer Luka Doncic’s version, where he yells ‘fucking too small’ in the thickest version of his Eastern European accent, basically directly into the on-court microphone, for which he earns himself a technical foul every single time.

Figure 2: Fred VanVleet showing the traditional Big Balls Dance

Figure 2: Fred VanVleet showing the traditional Big Balls Dance

 

The Timberwolves are playing red cordial basketball

 

Minnesota has been a basketball wasteland the better part of the last decade, the place where number 1 picks go to waste the early part of their career. Things were looking bleak last year for number 1 pick Anthony Edwards, former number 1 pick Karl-Anthony Towns and former number 2 pick D’Angelo Russell when they bottomed out of the Western Conference with only 23 wins in a year when they had traded away all their draft picks. The downward slide looked like it was starting early this year when Timberwolves President of Basketball, Gerssan Rosas, was suddenly fired as allegations swirled that he was involved in a consensual affair with a member of staff – a story I’d somehow already forgotten amongst the mayhem of NBA drama that’s happened since.

It’s newsworthy that Minnesota aren’t complete rubbish, they’re above .500 for what might be the first time since Jimmy Butler left. That’s an estimate based on the fact that Timberwolves stars and supposed leaders of the franchise KAT and D-Lo have often been accused of being low-effort players, guys that like to get their numbers on offence and might participate on defence. 

The presence of Anthony Edwards has supercharged the Timberwolves offence. Ant has been exuding confidence lately, putting up his first 50-ball as well as throwing down some of the most ridiculous dunks in recent memory. Whenever he doesn’t have the ball, you can tell he’s internally screaming at his teammates to hand it over, itching to try a different dribble move, or just plain throw himself at the rim. Unfortunately, when he does get his hands on the ball, it’s his for the rest of the possession. When he scores, he looks like the next superstar talent, a guy Minnesota can build around and when he doesn’t, he looks like he has no clue how to play basketball. 

Edwards is representative of the whole team in that way. They can beat Miami by 12 one game then lose to Charlotte by 18 the next;  it either works and they win well, or they get pumped. When the Timberwolves get rolling they can string together multiple possessions where D-Lo orchestrates an offence based around the dual-threat of KAT and Edwards, balanced on the defensive end by the pure physical threat of Jarred Vanderbilt snatching balls straight out of the air. Suddenly though, they can suffer from a sugar crash, cough up a million turnovers, throw up constant airballs and suddenly D-Lo has reverted to a traffic cone on defense. 

These issues are, in part, caused by the fact that Minnesota have replaced their on-court beverages with red cordial. In the middle of games, the team gets dehydrated, starts developing headaches, and all get a serious case of the crankies. The coaching staff are trying to balance the benefits of the boost of energy from cordial with the negatives of the sugar crash, let’s hope they get it right. 

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

 

Check out the Latest Hello Sport Podcast episode #317 – Bandwagoners

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The Art of Wining and Dining

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The Art of Wining and Dining

Winston Neville

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Wined, dined and sixty nined. That’s what convinced Cheese to take his gifts to Bondi. And it’s not the first time this off-season that a good wining and dining ended with a star player signing a contract.

It’s actually a common misconception that money talks, because in this day and age you need more than money to sign a good player. Without the ability to wine and dine, you may as well rename your club “Wests Tigers” and give up on signing any decent talent, in fact, you’ll have to sit back and watch other clubs sign YOUR talent.

So how do you wine and dine? What do clubs really do to convince players to sign? Let’s dive into some key areas of a classic wine and dine (and sixty-nine).

 

THE DINNER

This one is probably obvious, it’s in the name. But as obvious as it is, it can be one of the hardest parts of the wine and dine to pull off. NRL players eat a lot of food, so there is a good chance they have eaten whatever it is you are going to feed them. So unless you defeat the odds and find something they have not eaten, you need the food to be top quality. Trent Robinson nailed this with Cheese, making homemade pizzas. Not only did he provide good food, but he also provided an experience. Cheese had eaten pizza before, but he hadn’t experienced it. Hats off to Robbo here. 

 

THE WINE

The wine is the first punch in a one-two punch of a wine and dine, in fact, I don’t know why I am listing it second. Now, in all honesty, I have no idea when it comes to wine, except that red wine looks cooler. But let’s face the facts, footy players aren’t too bright, so when it comes to wine they probably have the same idea as me; none. Just provide a cheap red, and hide the price or alternatively, buy a really expensive bottle and make sure the player knows the price of the bottle, it will make them feel important.

 

THE PEOPLE

The real secret to a successful wine and dine isn’t the wine or the dine, it’s who you’re wining and dining with. Reed Mahoney signed with the bulldogs off the back of a Chinese dinner and, unless it was from a small country town out west, the Chinese was probably ordinary. Reed didn’t sign because of the dine, and we don’t know about the wine, so we can assume it was because of who he was wining and dining with. If you put a player in a Trent Barrett/Gus Gould sandwich, you will be able to get them to do anything. Why do you think the dogs have signed so many players? It’s because they have all been sandwiched between Gus and Trent. Even the NRL has agreed to overlook the Canterbury salary cap because Trent and Gus told them to not worry about it. If you want to sign a star, give them a star to wine and dine with. 

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

 

Check out the Latest Hello Sport Podcast episode #317 – Bandwagoners

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A Dribbler’s NRL Off-Season Gradings: Part 1

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A Dribbler’s NRL Off-Season Gradings: Part 1

by Finn Stephens

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Well, here we are. As we look back on the 2021 NRL season in the rearview mirror, we find ourselves in this awkward time before the summer of cricket where the punter and dribbler are yearning for some sport to yarn about. Apparently, there was rugby union on the other night, but honestly who the fuck knows. And who the fuck cares. This sporting hiatus leaves only one logical thing for a dribbler like myself to do, which is to cast my untrained and very unqualified eye over each team and grade them on each of their respective off-season’s. Extra mayo included of course.

Brisbane Broncos B+

There’s something brewing north of the border. As any Broncos fan will attest to, it’s been a hard slog the last couple of years as they have descended in dramatic fashion to the cellar dwellers of the competition. Something that has stood out has been their leadership, or lack thereof, that has had fans growing extremely worried. 

Mix that with the colossal overs they have paid for players such as Milford, Lodge and Tevita Pangai and the release of Reece Walsh of being selected for origin after 8 games fame, it’s been a forgetful stretch for the once-proud Broncos. A positive is their roster is filled with young throbbers, such as Staggs, Haas and Carrigan who just need a big dick to follow around. Well, they’ve got themselves one in Adam Reynolds. After leading the bunnies to the big dance, Reynolds was amazingly released in a bed shit for the ages, prompting the Broncos recruitment to swoop and get the leader they have been after.

 Reynolds, paired with Origin backrower Kurt Capewell who loves receiving good nut through holes (DYOR, or don’t…) and the steely Ryan James add some much-needed experience in Brisbane. Couple that with the acquisition of capable outside backs Jordan Pereira and Brenko Lee and the Bronx have had themselves a sterling off-season. Sure, they won’t be competition juggernauts straight away. Sure, the loss of Xavier Coates to a Melbourne Storm system that creates stars out of fringe first graders, let alone Origin stars, may well haunt them for years to come. But hey, you’ve got to start somewhere right?

Canterbury-Bankstown Bulldogs – A

Now, you Broncos’ fans think you’ve had it hard? Spare a thought to the poor Doggies fans, who have had next to nothing to cheer about in what seems like forever. On top of picking up another spoon for the cabinet room this year, they lost arguably their best two players in Adam Elliot and Adam Elliot’s hog to a couple of classic rugby league scandals which poor Adam had no involvement in. But as we know, the hog has a mind of its own. Pair that with the sacking of Lachlan Lewis through the worst joke of all time, with further investigation alluding to young Lachlan deemed stealing whilst looking for an extra quid on eBay. I found it surprising that the Bulldogs frowned so heavily at Lewis’ act of theft, as Trent Barrett had been stealing pay cheques all year as he impersonated a head coach and no one batted an eyelid. Sorry Baz, but with the greatest respect, I just don’t think you get coaching. But, the Bulldogs got a man who does. 

Phil Gould, who we all know to be a fucking operator, joined the club and has already brought in some big names. Villiame Kikau and Reed Mahoney have both been acquired for the 2023 season and are massive coups in their respective rights, Mahoney in particular. The Dogs have yearned for a quality rake and they have nailed it on the head with Reed. While I may have been harsh on Barrett, I can’t knock his decision to sign Matt Burton, who in my opinion has what it takes to be one of the stars of this decade. He’s a footballer this kid. Pair him with representative star Josh Addo-Carr, former Australian thickie Paul Vaughan of Vaul Paughan fame, little Matt Dufty and Tevita Pangai Junior and the Bulldogs look very much on the up. They still desperately need an established halfback, but these next couple of years could start something special in Canterbury.

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Canberra Raiders – C-

The Raiders are built on resilience, durability and toughness, but not enough of these qualities were shown during their dismal 2021 which was evidently impacted by the loss of Englishman Jonneh Bateman and Georgey Williams. With countless Ricky blowups, we saw a team that had so much promise just look so painfully mediocre it hurt. Therefore, with no notable losses going into 2022 bar Williams, the Green Machine were in the market for an experienced and hardened halfback and they found him in former Titans captain Jamal Fogarty. Fogarty should complement the spine of Wighton, Charnze Nickoll-Klokstad and as for Hodgson, well, if he passes to you 50% of the time that’s the best you’ll get. If you don’t get what I mean, watch any Raiders game last year. Pass the ball Josh!! Bringing in Adam Elliot and his accompanying hog for unders is another smart move by the Milk, bolstering an already strong pack. With the resigning of some real talent in Sebastian Kris, Xavier Savage and Hudson Young, 2022 should see the men in green return to former glory. For our sake and for Ricky’s.

 

Cronulla Sharks – A+

This is how you off-season. That we do know. Off the back of an underwhelming year in the Shire, where head coach John Morris was sacked in a shock mid-season move which brought in professional care taker Josh Hannay to steady the ship, there wasn’t a whole lot to take from 2021. Losing Shaun Johnson wasn’t ideal, but with the money freed up between him, Aaron Woods (Dragons) and Josh Dugan (Retired) the Sharks hit the open market with bills falling out of their pockets, resembling Tom and Eddy with the corporate dollar. Coupled with the signing of new head coach, the highly touted Craig Fitzgibbons and a lot of lead was starting to fill up the Shire faithful’s collective pencils. The pencils near exploded at the announcement of Dale Finucane and Cam Mccinnes hopping on board, bringing on two men you can bring home to Mum and Dad. These blokes will tackle their dicks off, have captained each of their respective former clubs and are Origin players every day of the fucking week. The next signing had made the Shire’s pencil so full of lead I’m pretty sure it is in the same company as Timmy Paine’s a few years ago, as Nicho Hynes of always wet hair fame signed on for 3 years. With the resigning’s of names such as Rudolf, Tracey, Kennedy, Trindall and Talakai, the Sharks are showing the rest of the NRL how the fuck to off season. Be careful of the men from the Shire, they could be in with a real sniff.

 

Gold Coast Titans – C

As a staunch Titans supporter, I’m still conflicted as to whether 2021 was a success. Sure, we made the 8, but we made it with the worst record of any team to do so. Our big-name players mostly delivered, with Tino and Fifita largely carrying us through the year. Unfortunately, with the amount of cash spent on last year’s signings, the Gold Coast don’t have much to report on. A couple of integral losses to the side, such as skipper Jamal Fogarty and Tyrone Peachey hurt but are mostly sweetened by the resigning of some absolute young stars -Aj Brimson, Moeki Fotuaika, Jayden Campbell and Brian Kelly all extending their stay on the glitter strip. Aaron Booth, of backup to the backup to the backup number 9 at the Storm, has a chance to own the hooker role. That is unless the Cheese signs on. If your reading this Smithy and I know you are, come to the Titans mate. You’ll love it here. A C may be a tad bias some may say, but you didn’t come here for expert analysis, did you?

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Manly Sea Eagles – C+

Manly have been quiet on the recruitment front, but what do they need? When you’ve got a Tommy, everything else falls into place. With no note-worthy inclusions into their squad (Ethan Bullemor if you are really desperate), Manly have looked to their own backyard and resigned a bunch of their elite young core. Schuster, Harper, Garrick, Olakau’atu and Keppie just to name a few. They get docked a few grades on the dribbler scale due to some notable losses – Cade Cust, which could hurt them in the future when he returns with a couple of Man of Steel, Curtis Sironen who still has some good footy in front of him but chased crumpet and Moses Suli of rugby league handful fame. Whilst they have cover in these positions, Manly could find themselves struggling for depth at times as injury and the inevitable Origin selections for these young throbbers come about. Still, it’s a very good time to be a Manly fan.

 

Newcastle Knights D+

Joey’s back. It just feels right. That’s about all that feels right at Newcastle at the moment. On paper, the Knights are still a top 8 side. After their 2021, which was if I can so eloquently put it – meh, the Knights needed to make some big moves. I’m not sure an aging Dane Gagai and Dragons backup half Adam Clune are in fact those big moves. While the resigning of a host of stars such as Bradmen Best, the Saifiti brothers and co-captain Jayden Brailey paint a pleasant image, the losses of Mitchell Pearce and Connor Watson do not. An aging Pearce has gone abroad to the famous Catalans Dragons to chase crumpet, whilst Watson was caught up in apparent hardships in his relationship with the new prince of Newcastle, Kalyn Ponga. Whatever the reason for Watson’s signing with the Chooks, he is a massively underrated loss to the Knights who need his attacking flair and defensive passion. With the Knights attack severely underwhelming in 2021, the Ponga and Dolphins rumors circulating and losing two of their most integral players, I worry how much the people of the Hunter are relying on Joey. 

 

Wests Tigers – D

I don’t know if I could even be bothered. News flash – the Tigers are shit and will continue to be shit for the foreseeable future. The Tigers 2021 was another forgettable one, as the same culprits played average football that resulted in average results. The Tigers don’t look like rectifying these results anytime soon, with their only pickups of note being Tyrone Peachey, Jackson Hastings and Oliver Gildart for 2022. Isiah Papali’i is a brilliant signing for 2023 but worries me in the sense he will be in a team that is so diabolically bad, he will just have to tackle all 80 minutes. Losing Luciano Leilua isn’t ideal but shedding the enormous contracts of Moses Mbye and Russell Packer must bring a sigh of relief to the DMC Tigers. They have to get a big name soon. If not and Jackson Hastings isn’t a raging success, the Tigers are on their merry way to have another poor season. It’s a lot of pressure on young Jackson. At least he has Luke Brooks.

 

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

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Rugby League’s Royal Families

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Rugby League’s Royal Families

DYOR Dave

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After a long NRL season where many players were forced to move away from home, the off-season gives Rugby League families a time to reunite, to bond, and most importantly, to rip and tear. In over a century, we’ve seen countless memorable families play our beautiful game, and while some have left their immortal mark already, the current crop of families are truly ushering in a new era of the game. So I thought I’d celebrate some of the families that represent what it truly means to live a Rugba Leeg life, both on and off the field.

 

Trbojevic Tom, Jake, Ben and Luke + adopted siblings Tom and Eddy

Arguably the biggest name in Rugby League right now, the Trbojevic’s have risen to immense fame on the back of snapping blokes in half, scoring tries for fun, and (surprisingly for Manly players) being top blokes. With Jake and Tom paving the way for Ben and Luke to rip and tear in the future, as well as their newly adopted brothers Tom and Eddy supplying premium dribble and yarn on a daily basis, the Trbojevic family is going from strength to strength, and will no doubt continue to dominate the game in years to come.

 

Willie and Les Mason

Once the scariest man in the game, Willie Mason made light work of opposition forwards and became one of the most recognisable players in the game. Playing over 300 first grade games in Australia and England, as well as representing his state, his country (Australia), his other country (Tonga), and two rugby union matches, it’s fair to say Mason made a name for himself. Not to be outdone, his brother Les made headlines last year when he was sentenced to six years in prison for drug charges. The Mason’s truly represent the duality of Rugba Leeg that makes it so enticing to dribblers.

 

Johns – Andrew, Matty, Jack, Cooper and Daniel

The Johns family have brought joy to dribblers’ lives both on and off the field, with scintillating highlights from Joey and around two decades of dribble from Matty. The traditions are now being carried on in their children, with Cooper already showing his proficiency in the art of the stitch-up. It would be remiss of me not to mention Joey’s contribution to ripping and tearing, which has seen him on hot water on numerous occasions, showing his dedication to the game by providing entertainment to the dribblers even in his retirement. His infamous visit to the house of Silverchair frontman Daniel Johns after the 1997 Grand Final symbolically brought the two famous Newcastle families together and created an immortal moment in the history of Australian sport and music.

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Berrigans – Barry and Shaun

An unsung hero of Brisbane’s golden era, Shaun Berrigan won two premierships, a Clive Churchill medal and represented both his state and country. I won’t lie to you and say that Barry Berrigan was a player that will be remembered by generations to come, but I also won’t say that Barry Berrigan isn’t one of the greatest names of all time, because it is. I yearn for the days of 2005 where we could witness Barry Berrigan bolting onto a blistering ball from Berrick Barnes.

Sims – Ashton, Tariq, Korbin, Ruan

The Sims’ have made a name for themselves in both the mens and women’s games, and although two of the brothers are now chasing a Man of Steel, their legacy is carried on by the NSW enforcer Tariq. In most families it would be difficult to try and guess which child is the favourite, however in the Sims family, you need to look no further than the only one with a normal name. Maybe Tariq, Korbin, and Ruan adopted the game of Rugby League to exert their anger at being teased in the playground. And likewise for Ashton who was assumably teased in his own home for not having a weird name. I guess they’re just lucky they weren’t named Johnny Sims.

Burgess – Tom, Luke, George, Sam, Julie and Russell

The British invasion may have happened for music in the 1960s, but the Rugba Leeg British Invasion began one romantic evening in Dewsbury when Russel Crowe first met Julie Burgess. 9 months later, the two gave birth to four massive siblings, who were already gigantic and trained in nut trucking. Since their arrival, the Burgi have brought more excitement, more big hits and more scandals than you can poke a soft George at, and it’s fair to say that the game wouldn’t be the same without them.

Tim Paine and his brother in law Shannon Tubb

Tim Paine? Rugby League? No, my brain has not finally melted after too many bongs. I can confidently make the case that while Paine and Tubb may be Tasmanian cricketers, their behaviour of late could easily see them effortlessly slide into the world of Rugby League. Perhaps if they had been born in QLD or NSW instead of Tasmania, Paine would be captaining the kangaroos. Much like the real royal family, these two have been in the news recently because of sex scandals, although thankfully the Paine’s have kept their desires to people of legal age.

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Hopoate – I’m not naming all of them

With 11 kids, the Hopoate’s could be a dominating force in the game on sheer numbers alone, but their love for all things Rugba Leeg has pushed them to entertain dribblers at every possible opportunity. They’re led of course by the Bastion of Big Days, the spreader of “truth” and the man who could start a fight in an empty room, John Hopoate, of on-field prostate exam fame. With their leader setting such a high standard, we’re sure to see the Hopoate traditions carried on for decades to come.

Cleary/May – Nathan and Tyrone

If there’s one thing families do, its stick together. The bond between Nathan and his potential brother-in-law was on full show when the Clive Churchill medal winner went into bat on Instagram for the convicted sex offender. Now that May is no longer with the Panthers, their relationship will be tested, and with a disapproving father watching over, this situation has potential for more drama than the real royal family.

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

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So You’re No Longer an NRL Player? A Guide To Your Options

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So You’re No Longer an NRL Player? A Guide To Your Options

by The Kicking Tee Dribbler

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Hi there!

Do you have no cartilage in your knees? 

Have you been getting paid $300K plus to truck nut every weekend?

Is your name Cade?

You must be a Rugby League player! 

And if you’re here, you must be starting to consider your post NRL career options.

There comes a time in every player’s life when they must make some decisions. If there’s one word that doesn’t belong in the vocabulary of the Rugby League Gods, it’s fairytales. The Morris twins never got one. Neither did JT. Hell even Joey, the Eighth Immortal was forced into medical retirement.

We can hear what you’re saying, ‘What About cAmERoN sMItH?!!?’

Well rumours are swirling in the afterlife that he had to broker a deal with the Devil to secure his Grand Final finale. And as a result he’s forced to front Adventure Kings ads for the rest of his days. Ahh yes, the Rugby League Gods don’t believe in fairytales. Instead they’d prefer to end your career with a direct to VHS – live on 9Gem special!

Now we understand this is a difficult time for you. A tricky transition into the world of regular people. If you’re a 3+ year Rugby League veteran and even the Titans and Bulldogs aren’t returning your calls then we are here (in support) to deliver you an uncomfortable truth.

It’s over. 

Your NRL career that is done! 

But don’t cry. There are plenty of other great options for you! And we’ve collated them all in this handy guide!

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Super League

What if we told you there’s an incredible place… That’s overseas! It pays you well and you don’t even have to learn a new sport. In fact most of your former City vs Country team mates are already there…

Welcome to the SUPER LEAGUE! 

Now I know what you’re saying, ‘Isn’t that the final resting place for Rugby League careers?’.

Bevan French, Lachlan Coote, Aiden Sezer. Do these sound like the names of washed up Rugby League players to you? Hell even Blake Austin is over there! Remember him? He almost made the Blues Origin side a few years back when everyone was injured.

Trust us, it’s a magical place. Just like a superhero film there’s this award called a “Man of Steel’. Think of it like a colder, more boring version of Canberra. And hey, if you play your cards right and are willing to learn some French, you could even end up in the South of France enjoying crumpets with Jimmy Maloney and Sam Kasiano! Even Mitchy Pearce might join ya! You guys can split an Uber to the airport.

Look, all we’re saying is it’s an option to consider. So if some bloke with a Game of Thrones accent calls you from a place called Leeds, we reckon you should answer! The crumpets are delicious.

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Rugby

Okay so you’re no longer good enough/headline worthy enough to be a weekly NRL player. Or maybe your political views are a little too red hot for God’s winter game. And if there’s an off chance you tossed a bit of Gilbert in your private school upbringing, then this next option isn’t so much of a jump.

Are you a winger? Do you like long lunches? Do you enjoy wearing tan chinos and RM Williams?

Welcome to RUGBY!

Now the game is pretty similar to be honest. But there’s a few key differences we need to clue you in on. Most of the blokes you’ll be tackling will have gone to University, whilst we expect Goulburn TAFE is still hitting you up about paying for your Cert II Automotive Mechanic degree. You’ll find Rugby fans a little more polite, well spoken in fact. And you might have to wear gold. Although not likely.

There’s an illustrious list of dual code internationals that you can model your transition off. Lote Tuquiri, Timana Tahu, Israel Fo… actually fuck that guy! 

All we’re saying is there’s some greats that made the switch and you can too! Now you can’t be too picky. You might have to learn how to correctly pronounce ‘Konnichiwa’ if you head directly north to Japan. But the noodles are delicious. And Gehamat Shibasaki is there. And we’re told Craig Wing loved his time at the Kobelco Steelers. 

You could also head south, Benji enjoyed running water down at the Auckland Blues. And Sonny Bill made a career out of switching between ruck n’ mauls and play the balls. Hey, play your networking cards right at the many pretentious long lunches hosted by boater hat private school types, you might even up in a career in banking! How’s that sound Fergo?

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Media Personality

Oooh so you’re got some personality? And by personality we mean you can string more than two sentences together and have a track record for acting up as a ‘Naughty Boy’ media darling in post match interviews. 

Welcome to your new career as a MEDIA PERSONALITY!

Obviously flick between Nine, Fox, Triple M or Grandstand, it’s easy to see this path is well worn. Even without the backing of a major news network, you can quite easily make a career for yourself. Ever heard of ‘Bloke in a Bar’?!

We do have some tips for making the transition seamless. We recommend getting in early, play the ‘Benji & Cronk strategy’ and get yourself on the panel shows as regularly as possible. Or utilise the ‘Sam Thaiday Method’ and strip down to your Budgy Smugglers at every occasion. All we’re saying is it can be done. Just display lots of ‘Channel 9 Goofball’ humour and offer as little constructive in-game commentary as possible. If Corey Parker can make a career out of trademarking the term ‘Middle Third!’, so can you!!

Just don’t go sleeping around with a High Five singer when you merge into the stage musical sphere. Otherwise you’ll end up in the broadcasting purgatory of Channel 7 just like Beau Ryan.

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The Tigers

Now we get it, all of the above seems like a whole lot of life admin. They involve passports, new sports or force you to spend time with Kenty. If you’re a player who feels sometimes life’s easier when you take the simple road…

Welcome to THE TIGERS!

Now they’ll be some plumbers in the world who’ll welcome you with open arms. Blokes like ‘Ironside’ who’ll tell you the Tigers are a “real” NRL club with “history”. Sorry to disappoint but your new home is the equivalent of moving to Div 4 community league, you just haven’t been kicked out of the Telstra Premiership yet. But it’ll happen.

You’ll be lining up alongside the who’s who of NRL players well beyond their twilight! There’s Alex Twal, James Roberts, even the Leilua brothers! The coach is this fun guy called Madge (don’t worry, we don’t think he’ll be there for long). And if you’re lucky you might even get to appear on a Netflix special!

Welcome to the DMC Tigers, we know you’re gonna love it!

So that’s it, that’s your options. Go forth and conquer the world! 

Now if any of the above doesn’t tickle your fancy and you’re more interested in the quiet life, you can always go buy a pub or a Muffin Break franchise somewhere in the quieter suburbs of Australia. Hey, Tonie Carrol might even sell you a house!

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

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Ranking Every Grand Final Musical Performance Since 2000

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Ranking Every Grand Final Musical Performance Since 2000

DYOR Dave

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As we prepare ourselves for another Grand Final, the NRL has once again treated us to a “star-studded” lineup headlined by the worlds most famous Trumpeter/DJ Timmy Trumpet, and fellow DJ’s who peaked in the early 2010s The Stafford Brothers. Joining them will be Ian Moss and Kate Miller-Heidke, two well-respected and successful musicians whose presence saves this lineup from being completely unbearable.

The NRL has had a troublesome history with its pre-match entertainment, with some big hits and even bigger misses. I thought it’s about time that someone empirically ranked these performances based on the metrics of relevance, appropriateness for an NRL final, and overall quality. So without further ado, here we go.

21 – Ricky Martin, Jess Mauboy 2013

Where better to start than a Channel 9 cross-promotion for The Voice featuring a washed-up pop star and Jess Mauboy, who has appeared at more Grand Finals than 14 clubs since 2010. Livin La Vida Loca was tacky even by 2013 standards.

20 – Tom Jones – 2000

Tom’s only saving grace was that he was responsible for the current NRL Theme song “What a Game,” but apart from that, the “What’s New Pussycat” singer looked rather out-of-place at the GF.

19 – Good Charlotte, The Script – 2012

Back again with a Channel 9 sponsored performance, Both bands achieved their peak of fame in the 2000s, with Good Charlotte by this stage more well known for their KFC and Vodaphone ads than their music

18 – Billy Idol – 2002

For all we know this could have been near the top of the list if it hadn’t so memorably failed when a power outage struck the stadium. What could have been?

 

17 – Amy Shark – 2020

This one comes to you courtesy of Sony Music, close partners of the NRL. She may have been popular and a Queenslander, but emotional pop music wasn’t the atmosphere that the GF needed.

16 – OneRepublic, Darryl Braithwaite, Christine Anu – 2019

Another band that saw success in the 2000s, OneRepublic’s performance, which included a Beyonce cover, was somewhat salvaged by the reliability of crowds to get around the other two quintessentially Aussie performers

15 – Kelly Clarkson, Eskimo Joe – 2011

It’s hard to go wrong with Aussie rock, and Eskimo Joe provided that, as they did for the AFL this year, but Kelly Clarkson suited the occasion even less so than her first GF appearance 8 years earlier, but we’ll get to that

14 – Justice Crew, Jess Mauboy, You Am I, Dan Sultan, Phil Jamieson – 2010

Bit going on here, I’ve seen Justice crew perform at a barmitzvah, so it’ll take more than this to impress me. The all Aussie lineup featuring three stalwarts of the local scene manages to counteract the inherent ties to Channel 9’s reality shows that Mauboy and Justice crew bring.

13 – Grinspoon, Chris Isaak – 2004

The popularity of Grinspoon amongst the Rugby League loving population made them a near-perfect fit for this gig, so naturally the NRL had to balance that out by booking a 50-year-old American crooner to join them.

12 – Kelly Clarkson, Meat Loaf, Hoodoo Gurus – 2003

I’ll concede Kelly Clarkson was probably a big get in 2003, and there’s few bands that represent Rugby League like the Hoodoo Gurus do. Let’s just be thankful Meat Loaf saved his most memorable performance for the AFL Final.

11 – Keith Urban, Richie Sambora, Orianthi – 2016

Australia’s country music darling, the second most famous member of Bon Jovi and Adelaide Shredder Orianthi teamed up for a performance that, while not brilliant, didn’t disappoint. A sound performance from a lineup that excited no one really.

 

10 –  Macklemore – 2017

Macklemore isn’t the first artist you think of when it comes to a collision sport like league, but with the nation having just passed marriage equality laws, this was a rare and proud moment where Rugby League was at the forefront of social responsibility, plus I guess the kids like him too.

9 – The Living End, John Stevens – 2008

The Living End could play just about any sporting event and not look out-of-place, despite the fact they have a double bass in their band. Pair that with an 80s rockstar turned musical theatre actor, and you’ve got yourself a half-decent performance

8 – Slash/Train – 2014

The Venn diagram of people who listen to Slash, Triple M and watch NRL is almost a circle, it’s just a pity the NRL was too cheap to fly in his band, so he stood awkwardly playing guitar melodies to a backing track. Fans were also treated to the soothing tones of “Hey Soul Sister,” not quite a rugby league anthem.

7 – Cold Chisel, Jess Mauboy – 2015

It’s hard to fault the NRL on this one. Despite their age, Cold Chisel are still an ornament to the game and our nation at large. Jess Mauboy featuring again as both a nod to channel 9’s corporate influence and the indigenous fans of the game. Does the NRL know there’s more than one indigenous artist in Australia?

6 – Jimmy Barnes 2001

More Jimmy! And this time even younger. The NRL went simple for this one, and it paid off. Fans were expecting classic hits from Jimmy Barnes, and they got it. A great lesson in expectation management from the NRL.

 

5 – The Veronicas, Pete Murray, Bodyjar – 2005

Amazingly, the NRL managed to feature music from across the spectrum of rock, pop and folk, that was all Australian, and still culturally relevant. Bodyjar may have faded into obscurity more than their counterparts, but their raw punk energy suited the occasion perfectly.

4 – Wolfmother, Wes Carr, The Script – 2007

Little known fact but Wolfmother actually attend every sporting game in Australia to perform Joker and the Thief as players run out. This grand final offered them the opportunity to do the same but on a stage instead of in the change rooms. Throw in The Script at their peak, Wes Carr’s surprisingly catchy theme song “Feels Like Woah,” and a Storm victory over Manly, this could be one of the all-time great grand finals.

3 – Hoodoo Gurus, INXS – 2006

Despite the tragic death of Michael Hutchence, INXS powered on with new lead singer and reality show winner JD Fortune. They joined the Hoodoo Gurus for a memorable grand final performance that few can fault, apart from the continued appearance of reality TV stars on the Grand Final stage.

2 – Gang of Youths, Darryl Braithwaite – 2018

Surprisingly few acts have worn NRL jerseys while performing, and very few of those were genuine in their support for said team’s jersey. Gang of Youths fit in this slim minority and are a terrific representation of the modern game. With members from Fiji, New Zealand and Western Sydney, Gang of Youths brought energy, inspiration and love for the game. I can still remember the literal goosebumps I felt watching that, and have felt the other 5 times I’ve seen them live. Also, can’t go wrong with a bit of a ‘Horses’ singalong.

 

1 – Hoodoo Gurus, Shannon Noll, Vanessa Amarossi – 2007

The Hoodoo Gurus playing “That’s My Team” for the last ever time is sure to bring tears to the eyes of any NRL fan. Add in Aussie icon Shannon Noll and Vaness Amarossi of “Absolutely Everybody” fame, and you’ve got a heart-warming, exciting and appealing performance that is worthy of such a big occasion.

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

torture

5 Medieval Torture Techniques that Still Aren’t Harsh Enough for People who Leak Videos of Their Mates

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5 Medieval Torture Techniques that Still Aren’t Harsh Enough for People who Leak Videos of Their Mates

DYOR Dave

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If you ever needed any proof that the law doesn’t always equal morality, look no further than this. In the last two days, videos have emerged of two of the game’s finest young athletes enjoying themselves after a long, tough season. The videos allegedly show them partaking in “illegal” behaviour, and they will no doubt face consequences for that in the form of suspensions or fines. Yet there’s one person in this situation who has committed a heinous crime, yet will go largely unpunished, the Rat.

We often see rats in the public sphere hanging off footy players in pubs and clubs, scavenging for 15 seconds of daily-mail-worthy video in an attempt to get their own 15 seconds of fame. Such is the world we’re living in that this is a part of public life, but when the rat has scurried its way into the inside, decisive action is needed. I’ve come up with a few suggestions that, while inadequate, can provide a basis to begin a proper punishment procedure.

 

The Scold’s Bridle

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Commonly featured in Britain during the 16th and 17th centuries, these iron muzzles were mostly forced on women who were accused of gossiping, witchcraft, or general “riotous language.” As well as stopping the wearer from speaking, it often contained spikes on the inside of the mouthpiece. Perhaps a fitting punishment for a modern-day traitorous gossip.

 

Rat Torture

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Originating in ancient Rome, rat torture involved tying a prisoner down and letting hungry rats go wild all over them. Used mainly for interrogation, the method was revived by fascist governments in South America during the 20th century. A well-suited punishment that certainly fits the crime, the perpetrator may actually feel at home among his brethren.

 

The Man Cage

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Less torture, more public humiliation, the Man Cage was used in England and Italy where prisoners would be left suspended for days in the town square. To modernise this practice, maybe we could tie a man cage to the spider cam wires at the grand final. It would be a chance to let the crowd air their grievances in a cathartic pre-game ritual that could even become a yearly tradition, fit right in between the retiring players parade and a live performance by someone who had a mildly successful hit 8 years ago.

 

The Judas Cradle

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Just as Judas himself betrayed Jesus (of Christ fame), so has the rat betrayed two of our game’s most holy and treasured leaders. This horrific punishment saw the perpetrator forced to sit on a wooden or iron pyramid for hours or even days until they either confessed or had suffered enough. It seems only fair that whatever suspensions the players serve, the rat should have to serve double the amount of time on the Judas Cradle.

 

The Pear of Anguish

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I’ll let you figure this one out…

 

 

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

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Can the Tigers Dig their way out of a DMC Death Spiral?

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Can the Tigers Dig their way out of a DMC Death Spiral?

by B.C. Taylor

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The final shot of the Wests Tigers Centre of Excellence fly-through video is memorable. Panning out, over the field- the long, modern structure rising from the hill. The showpiece reveals every professional facility imaginable- pools, saunas, an elite gym. Extensive spacings for administrative and media staff. Even sleeping pods. A far cry from the current Concord Oval facilities, the weary week-to-week training home of the long-suffering Tigers. 

What good will the shining new facility do? Is it any more use than an expensive suit on a cheap, blathering politician? Time will tell. There are many more questions than these to be raised. None bigger than- who are the Wests Tigers? The final game of the season was a desolate sight for hurting fans. 38-0, against the last-placed Bulldogs. But it wasn’t so much the scoreline as it was the lack of spirit. The lack of fight. The lack of soul. 

The joint-venture club are not short of historical inspiration when it comes to identity. Before the merge, there was the cheeky Elias and the grit and drive of Pearce, Roach, and Sironen, for Balmain. The hard-nosed lot from Lidcombe- Donnelly, Kelly, and a young lad of Lithuanian background, Tommy Raudonikis. After the merge, the ’05 freewheelers. Marshall, Farah, Skandalis, Richards. The best clubs (with the best cultures, by no coincidence), draw who they are, from who has come before. They build on their history, however recent it might be. It is entwined with their identity. 

That is not to say they play antiquated football. Their play styles are duly aligned with the modern rules, and still very much dependent on coaching staff and playing roster. But you know exactly who these clubs are, of recent years – the Storm, the Roosters, Penrith, South Sydney, Manly. Players know where they are going. They know what they are stepping into. In a strange way, these very modern clubs feel old. Before you talk of performance centres, you must talk of the people who will walk into them. What, who, they represent. 

Wests Tigers are not short of heroes. But, it cannot be denied- they were the heroes of separate clubs. Now, the distinctiveness of the ’05 dazzle seems all the more remarkable. Young kids, full of confidence and bite, and flair. And yet, you don’t make it to a grand final without playing for each other, without soul. For every flick pass and chip kick, there was a defensive effort. 

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They had it then. An exciting brand, on and off the field, distinguishable from all the rest. And history? Those kids made their own history. They were their own heroes. Perhaps that might’ve been an unforeseen long term issue- through no fault of the playing group. Once the excitement disappeared, once the players moved on, the team began to gradually slip into the husk of a memory – the one that lingers today. Benji, Robbie, Chris Lawrence and all the rest, kept the club buoyant enough to fend off prolonged questioning. Success was short and sweet, and then it disappeared altogether. 

The Wests Tigers need to start again. They need to somehow feel old, to feel as if they are a worthy destination. A glaring contrast, despite less success in recent times, are the Canterbury Bulldogs. We know who the Bulldogs are. The gritty Dogs will be back. The signings are coming. A club with great tradition will only stay down for so long. The Tigers need that. They need to imprint themselves on the minds of the rugby league world. An impression that lasts, through coaches, through roster changes, through wins and losses. No matter the style, the Tigers need soul. 

How? Throw up a few statues? It probably wouldnt hurt, but no. They need look no further than two of the clubs recently mentioned- South Sydney and Penrith. And Wests are in a better position than both of those clubs were at their lowest ebb. Since returning to the competition, the Rabbitohs had limped through the early-mid 2000’s. Their fortunes changed, perhaps literally, with the successful, high-profile ownership bid of Russell Crowe. From the outside, the club felt energised and bold. Leaning on a large junior participation base, they angled for the one marquee signing that would break the levee. 

It came in 2006- Roy Asotasi. Burgess and Inglis followed in the coming years. Sponsors flushed in, facilities were improved. South Sydney became a credible destination. It did not come quickly, but it came. Asotasi was not there when the premiership drought was broken in 2014. But Souths supporters, and those around the club, knew his signing was pivotal. On that fateful 2014 night, many of them might’ve cast a thought back to the slow, slow build, and the times they thought it would never come. Before Crowe’s arrival, and all the opportunities that came with it, the dreams of Rabbitohs fans were precisely that- dreams. There was no performance centre. A tired administration. On-field embarrassment.

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More recently, the Penrith Panthers have surged to constant success off the back of superb junior development programs. Phil Gould’s oft-ridiculed ‘five-year’ plan certainly took longer than intended, but its mark on the Panthers’ recent success is indisputably clear. Penrith will be contenders for the foreseeable future. Lean years followed the ’03 grand final victory. Gould was brought in, in 2011, to help rebuild the club. He instigated the now envied junior academy. The Penrith junior nursery cuts a wide swathe across western Sydney. They have used it to their advantage. 

Like the Rabbitohs, they readily and keenly develop juniors. But these golden young talents are not often poached, because the clubs have become desirous locations. High-quality facilities, strong club culture and identity, await them. The Tigers don’t need a major ownership upheaval or a marquee signing to instigate the development of better facilities. A sterling excellence centre has just been built. They already have an incredibly rich talent pool. In their leanest years, the Rabbitohs and Penrith did not go close to bringing through juniors the calibre of Moses, Brooks, Tedesco and Woods. 

The ‘big four’ they were, then. A media exaggeration, but it was no small feat. All but Brooks left. What if they have stayed, would the club be constantly pushing post-season success? The Wests Tigers have everything they need to become one of the great clubs of the game. They are in a better position than they know. The juniors will come, and the juniors will stay, if they can see a vision. If they can feel a culture, and a soul. If they can believe they are one small part of something big. Something unbelievable, to those who don’t see the inner sanctum. The big-name players will sign for a steady coach, and a worthy plan. Above all else- a worthy reason. 

The Wests Tigers lie somewhere between that shining ’05 night, and the blood and rumble of their past legends. It is beyond time for them to not be Balmain, or Magpies legends- but Wests Tigers legends. That responsibility lies on the current organisation. 

Build it, so we know where you have come from. 

Build it, so we know who you will be. 

The Liverpool-Campbelltown corridor is fertile rugby league land. Plant the seeds. Have the young kids know it will be a storied club by the time they arrive. They will emerge. Laurie, Doueihi, and big Stefano Utoikamanu are the foundation. It can all begin, whenever they decide to define themselves. A centre of excellence is not a surety of success. But it speaks to a desire, for success. There is much to do before that success comes. Nonetheless, the glory will be there, waiting. A flicker on the hill.

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

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