Unqualified Opinion

Unqualified Opinion

January 9 2022

The Shane Warne Movie is Out Now and it Could be the Greatest Story Ever Told on Film

hsadmin Unqualified Opinion 2022, 708, australia, cricket, Shane Keith Warne, Spin

The Shane Warne Movie is Out Now and it Could be the Greatest Story Ever Told on Film

DYOR Dave

Ever since the first film was projected by the Lumière brothers in 1895, filmmakers have been searching for the perfect story to tell on the big screen. 137 years later, they found it, in the form of the incomparable Shane Keith Warne.

Move over Casablanca, get lost Citizen Kane, and take a hike The Godfather, the new Shane Warne film is sure to be an instant classic.

The film, simply titled ‘Shane,’ tells the story of the man behind the 708 wickets and the personal toll of his meteoric rise to fame.

Featuring interviews with cricketing greats like Sachin Tendulkar and Merv Hughes, as well as members of his family, this film seeks to get to the heart of Warney as a person, rather than as a caricature of himself.

Along with his closest confidants, Warney couldn’t let the film proceed without a couple of celebrity cameos, including Ed Sheeran of ‘not Ron Weasley fame’ and Chris Martin of ‘the one from Coldplay not the cricketer’ fame.

Among highlights of his career and intimate home videos from his adult life, there’s also inspiring scenes of Warne standing with his kids in front of a sunset as well as strutting barefoot on a beach while wearing his now infamous train drivers hat.

The Shane Warne story has been told time and time again, and while its unlikely this film will redefine how we see the man, it’s sure to add a few more spicy details to the man we know and love.

‘Shane’ is available in select cinemas around Australia until January 25, and then will be available on Amazon Prime.

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

Check out the Latest Hello Sport Podcast episode #329 – Stump Specialists

January 8 2022

Can Marnus Use Woo-Woo to Take His Game to the Next Level?

hsadmin Unqualified Opinion 2022, australia, cricket, Marnus Labuschagne, Woo Woo

Can Marnus Use Woo-Woo to Take His Game to the Next Level?

by The Banana Bender Dribbler

To quote the great Michael Gary Scott,

“I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious”

Coming off the voluminous runs that saw him become the leading batsman in test cricket, Marnus threw caution to the wind and decided to change his bat and grip to the new retro-inspired Kookaburra Bubble (which does look fantastic I might add).

This can only be seen as an act of spitting in the face of the devilish cricket gods. Dumping a piece of willow after it led you to the most successful period of your career is a decision that should not be taken lightly.

Since the change, he has only mustered a meager average of 14.5 and his once loveable neurotic mannerisms at the crease have started to look twitchy and nervous.

The only solution to this voodoo-based dilemma is Woo Woo and lots of it. We must get this bat charged with the energy of a thousand moons and back to scoring bulk runs for the nation.

I know about the magic of moon water but is there such a thing as moon varnish? If we could somehow dip this schcmick piece of willow in some glorious enchanted Moon Varnish we could vanquish this dark cloud of energy forever.

Or alternatively, he could just go back to the bloody old bat!

Part of me thinks he should have known better, but I guess when you’re flying as high as he was, you can get a little devil-may-care and disregard the potential bad ju-ju.

In conclusion, sort your shit out Marnus. But if you do require Woo-Woo based consulting, reach out.

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

Check out the Latest Hello Sport Podcast episode #329 – Stump Specialists

January 4 2022

Eddy Has His Sights Set on the Finska World Champs

hsadmin Unqualified Opinion Sports, Weird

Eddy Has His Sights Set on the Finska World Champs

Intern Brayden

I’m sure there are many of you that have spent this holiday period on your back lawn, drowning in blokes, yarning with your Uncle Greg, bowling serious heat at Nan’s chin and of course playing some Finska. The Finnish log throwing game has fast become a staple in outdoor gatherings, entertaining family and friends for hours whilst also causing a rift in some relationships.

Finska, or Mölkky, is made up of 12 numbered pins, where players stand approximately 4-5 metres away with a large pin of their own. Each player or team must knock down the numbered pins and score exactly 50, with the count moving back to 25 if you breakthrough. After each throw, the score is counted and the pins are stood up wherever they were hit to, with three consecutive misses resulting in a forfeit. Knocking down 1 pin will give you a score of the number marked on that pin, whereas knocking down multiple pins will score you the number of pins knocked down. If that makes no sense, DYOR.

Besides the ability to count, arm strength, conditioning, and aim, what separates the casual player from the elite are tactics. Do you throw horizontally or vertically? Do you go for a single pin or multiple? Do you try to score for yourself, or sabotage your opponents’ chances? One person who always seems to know the answer is the great Edward Simpson himself. The depths of skill and talent to make it to the top of the Finska heap is incredible, and after watching highlights from the 2018 World Championship Final between Finland and Estonia, my eyes were opened to what players are truly capable of.

(full video via cricket.com.au)

Without getting too deep into woo-woo territories, dreams have been known for centuries to be a mystical source of information that could predict future events.

From ancient Egypt where Moses interpreted the dreams of Pharoah to accurately predict famine years, to the more modern and probably just as factual Tom Cruise in Minority Report, who envisions crimes before they happen in a dream-like state.

Marnus currently has 12 test wickets and 64 first-class scalps to his name, although just about all of them have been via his part-time leg-spin.

His pace bowling credentials were put to the test this year as he was thrown the ball during a Sheffield Shield game last year.

Despite the game being out of reach for QLD, the lonesome highlight came when Marnus dismissed Cameron ‘Baggy’ Green for just 15 with a lovely in-swinger that Green was fooled into leaving.

Held every year, the World Championship hosts approximately 200 teams of 4-6 players, with the world’s best coming together to compete for the chance of glory.

The game has gathered so much attention the International Mölkky Organisation (IMO) has even created its own vocabulary list that you can listen out for on the live streams. E.g.

• Mökeltää – Trying to justify your bad throws

• Mölkvisti – A player who is taking the game a bit too seriously

• Mölkysti – A very strong player

Held in France in August this year, and with the amount of R&R Eddy is getting through in Byron, I see no reason why after nailing down a solid training regime Eddy could not be the first to represent Australia on the big stage.

The Simpson bloodline seems to have Finska talent written into it, and being a Mölkysti already the sky seems to be the limit for the King of Fin.

We will truly get a sense of where he is sitting after the Australian Championships coming up and if things are looking promising I think it’s only fair to get as many dribblers as possible on a flight to France to show their support in person.

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

Check out the Latest Hello Sport Podcast episode #328 – True Magoo

January 3 2022

The 2021 Dribbler Awards

hsadmin Unqualified Opinion australia, Dribble, Dribbler awards, end of year, magoo, New Years, Public Holiday, Punters and Dribblers

The 2021 Dribbler Awards

Bradley James Kahler

What a year it’s been; throbbers throbbing, magoos doing their thing and betas losing their wangs to alphas all over the world.

Before the awards start off we, as a collective group of punters & dribblers, would like to pay our respects to the illustrious XI and tip our collective caps to them.

We also like to acknowledge the glorious sponsors throughout the year. Really helps keep the lads at the top of the heap.

Special mention to friend of the show Denan Kemp, we hope you enjoyed your holiday but don’t you dare go away again. We’re still trying to get over the trauma of 3 weeks without Beak.

Biggest thanks of all goes to Hello Sport’s Tom and Eddy, of king of dribble and yarn fame, for delivering us a healthy dose of almost daily dribble. We’d melt without our fixtures and will do some sick, twisted shit to keep you boys top of the heap.

With millions of votes cast from dribblers around the world, these prestigious awards will be cherished by the winners for the rest of their lives, so without further ado, enjoy the 2021 Dribbler awards:

Meme Trend of the Year

1 – Danny Weilder of in the shot fame – 52%

2 – Wholesome Kempy Posting – 28%

3 – Birmingham’s Big Alpha Weight Loss – 11%

Bedshit of the Year

1 – Gateway 504 bedshit – 57%

2 – England losing the Ashes in less days than isolation – 27%

3 – Ronaldo Mulitalo Queensland Selection – 11%

Old Man Yells At Cloud Award

1 – Mr Mayo Buzz Rothfield – 38%

2 – Warnie on Fox – 38%

3 – Dean Bulldog Ritchie & his FPM/CPH count – 11%

Scandal of the Year

1 – Dragon’s microwave dinner party – 47%

2 – Lachlan Lewis eBay speakers – 27%

3 – Omo cleaning with Munster and Cheese – 9%

Golden Moment of the Year

1 – Boland 6-7 off 4 overs MCG – 41%

2 – Ariarne Titmuss & her pelvic thrusting coach – 21%

3 – Origin 1 live show with turbo ramming QLD into the earth – 10%

About Even Punter of the Year

1 – Tom Birmingham aka Greatest punter alive – 54%

2 – Sebastian Antoniou aka the bath siphon king – 25%

3 – Michael Pryde aka Rainman – 11%

4 – Eddy Simpson aka About Even – 8%

Magoo of the Year

1 – Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson – 68%

2 – Novak Djokovic – 9%

3 – Connor McGregor – 8%

Alpha Throbber of the Year

1 – Pat ‘Ol Blue Eyes’ Cummins – 41%

2 – Turbo and his Tommy Knocker – 29%

3 – Emma McKeon 4 Gold 3 Bronze – 10%

Yarn of the Year

1 – Eddy with the Bandicoot yarn – 47%

2 – Kempy’s park ground & pound – 24%

3 – Tom vs spacer earring guy – 7%

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Australian of the Year

1 – Patty Mills – 58%

2 – Denan Kemp – 23%

3 – Tommy Turbo – 6%

Wool pull of the Year

1 – Beak claiming to be from the country – 45%

2 – Beep test promises – 25%

3 – Burner account Sam “huge day” Davis – 9%

Dribbler of the Year

1 – Danny Exoticcc – 43%

2 – Roger Fabri – 18%

3 – KTD (Kicking Tee Dribbler) – 15%

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

Check out the Latest Hello Sport Podcast episode #328 – True Magoo

January 2 2022

2022 is the Year of the Punter and the Dribbler, With the Public Holiday Schedule to Prove it

hsadmin Unqualified Opinion New Years, Public Holiday, Punters and Dribblers

2022 is the Year of the Punter and the Dribbler, With a Public Holiday Schedule to Prove it

DYOR Dave

Many people are looking towards 2022 as a continuation of the dystopian nightmare that has governed our lives over the last two years, but any dribbler worth their salt knows that 2022 is once again a monumental year.

It is, of course, the year of the punter and the dribbler, but this year is more than just your average year of the Punter and the Dribbler, as our Gregorian ancestors have generously provided us with ample opportunity to make the most of the public holidays and maximise our days off. If properly maneuvered, this year could be one of the most relaxed and stress-free years of any dribbler’s life, so here’s a handy guide to making the most out of 2022.

Let’s start with Australia Day weekend.

Take four off on January 24, 25, 27, and 28 and you end up with a 9 day holiday. Perfect for that last big summer lift before work starts getting serious. Everyone knows the year starts in February anyway. You’ve also got the Big Bash Finals for some light-hearted entertainment, as well as the start of the Women’s Ashes, where our girls are primed for another white-wash.

Next we have the ANZAC/Easter doubleheader.

Between April 9 and May 1, you’re gonna take every non-public holiday weekday off. This is a big one as it falls during the Good Friday, Easter Monday and Anzac Day period, netting you a total of 23 days off for the price of just 12 annual leave days. This month is packed to the brim with mouth-watering Rugby League, Rugby Union and AFL, as well as more than enough excuses to get on the blokes for our diggers and our lord and saviour SPVL.

You'll have ample time to practice your Two-up skills, as well as recover from your losses after

From may onwards you’ll have to struggle through a full month of work before our great commonwealth nation blesses us with another public holiday, this time in honour of the Queen, as long as she’s still alive by then. (It could be the King’s Birthday?)

Don’t bother with any annual leave for this one, just chuck a sickie on Friday the 10th of June and enjoy a 4-day Bender to either commemorate the late Queen Lizzy or celebrate our new King Charlie. With a rain-bender almost certain, and quality matchups on like Storm Vs Roosters, there’s no better time to park yourself on the couch and take a well-deserved break from the 9 to 5.

There’s no way to sugarcoat it, but the second half of the year will be tough. Your only reprieve is the labour day long weekend in October, which will bring with it the monumental occasion of the NRL grand final. This weekend truly is the sign that we’re on the home stretch, and before you know it, we’ll be back in the silly season.

As always, you should already have scratched out December 28, 29, and 30, which leaves you with a 10-day break for the grand sale price of three.

Happy 2022, and be sure to make the most out of this, the year of the Punter and the Dribbler.

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

Check out the Latest Hello Sport Podcast episode #325 – Covid Nangs

December 28 2021

Your Dribbly Guide to New Years Resolutions

hsadmin Unqualified Opinion Dribble, dribbling, New Years REsolution, NYE, Punters and Dribblers, Punting

Your Dribbly Guide to New Years Resolutions

Intern Brayden

It’s that time of year where hours, days, and weeks all blend together and your concept of time has gone out the window. As we close the door on 2021 many of us will reflect on the ups and downs of the past 365 days before we look ahead to next year. Most people will stick to the tried and tested (boring) resolutions, whether that be getting fit or reading a book a week, however, I’m here to provide you with some truly dribbly alternatives. These physical, spiritual, and mental affirmations are ones that if followed will be sure to morph you into the best possible version of yourself you can be.

#1 I will not refuse a come on – If you consider yourself a Punter and/or a Dribbler, this mating cry simply cannot be ignored. Similar to repairing your pitch marks and making eye contact with a handshake, this is dribbler etiquette 101.

#2 I will not eat more than 5 Ferrero’s in one sitting – As soon as it hits January 2 this one comes into effect. With 5g’s of sugar per Ferrero, the days of pounding 16 into the earth are doing a lot more harm than good.

#3 I will run a sub 12 (to scale) – This resolution is scalable based on your age with base numbers taken from an 18-year old, where every 5 years adds on 0.5 seconds to the goal time. With Tom claiming this was achieved in high school, he should be aiming for a sub 13/13.5 come the end of 2022, and following this formula should be something everybody is capable of working towards.

#4 I will not order a schnitzel with only one serve of gravy – If you truly want to change your life, you will try this and never turn back. Pour over your first serve to lube up your schnitzel, chips and salad and keep your second available for dipping purposes only, a luxury that was previously not available.

#5 I will not break any punting commandments – Dating back to 2000 BC, these commandments are the cornerstone of a punters life. So important in fact, that God even tried putting his own spin on them when Moses climbed Sinai. When we say ‘gamble responsibly’, that is really us pleading with you to hold strong and not waiver from any of these orders.

#6 I will not create a burner account – The world is divided into two groups. It’s not males and females, it’s those with burner accounts and those without. Vale Sam Davis

#7 I will not instigate a fight with anybody with spacers – 2022 is the year to let go of any built up anger or resentment and be the bigger man. If you find yourself at your local watching some UFC and some bloke with spacers stands in your way, I implore you to keep what you have to say to yourself. As my grandmother said, ‘if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all’

#9 I will learn how to install child-proof window locks – It is most likely that the majority of us either have kids or will one day soon enough, and so this is a skill that will certainly come in useful. The last thing you want is for your future mother-in-law to make fun of your handyman skills.

Follow along with these specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and timely goals Punters and Dribblers and I can almost guarantee that come the end of the year, you will have the body of your dreams, a flooding bank account, a smoking hot partner and mental clarity rivalling the Dalai Lama.

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

Check out the Latest Hello Sport Podcast episode #325 – Covid Nangs

December 24 2021

HOT TAKE: Why We Need Warnie As a Commentator

hsadmin Unqualified Opinion Ashes, australia, Commentary, cricket, Dribbler, england, Shane Warne, Warnie

HOT TAKE: Why We Need Warnie As a Commentator

DYOR Dave

The 2021 Ashes series has so far been a tidal wave of success and happiness for Aussie fans. Despite injuries, covid scares, and uncertain openers, the team has easily powered through England in the first two tests, and are looking likely to do the same again this week.

If you ask most Aussie dribblers what the worst part about this series has been, I can guarantee you that Shane Warne’s commentary would be their outstanding lowlight. Between his hatred for Mitchell Starc, his pointless tangents that take priority over actual commentary, and his thinly-veiled advances at Isa Guha, he’s once again leaving his mark on an Ashes series.

Herein lies the conundrum: How can we as dribblers come to terms with a man of such immense stature, a man who’s contributed so much to the sporting and dribbling community, becoming so universally disliked?

Just as Warnie has cast a small black shadow over this otherwise flawless series, so has he begun to chisel away at the pristine career that has for decades pushed the boundaries of what an elite sportsman can be. His antics always delivered wild yarns without crossing over into offensive or malicious areas, and considering his performance on the pitch never disappointed, it was always play on for Warnie.

I don't see Mark Howard ripping any billies with his face on them

For so long, Warne was the tallest of poppies, an unassailable dribbler who couldn’t be faulted, until now… but that’s ok. Australians love nothing more than cutting down a tall poppy, it’s part of our history and our heritage. We’re not a society who says that our leaders are saviours of the world or chosen by god, we give them as much vitriol as we would the bloke who’s taking too long to order a schnitty in front of you at a pub.

Would we really accept that one of our cultural heroes is some sort of perfectly righteous and all-knowing demigod? Of course not! He’s a dribbler just like the rest of us, spouting unqualified opinion and unwavering bias… and that’s why we love him. How much less would we, as dribblers, have to talk about this series if it wasn’t for Warnie’s commentary?

Warnie is such a strong and true dribbler that his dribble provides the foundational dribble upon which we as a community can build our own dribble on. He is a gift given to us by the gods of dribble, but just like anything in this world, be it Warnie’s career or this Ashes series, the good cannot exist without the bad.

Shane Warne is Yin and Yang. Shane Warne is the King of Spin and the dunce of dribble. Shane Warne is as true an Aussie dribbler as they come, and we wouldn’t want it any other way.

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

Check out the Latest Hello Sport Podcast episode #325 – Covid Nangs

December 24 2021

DYOR Dave’s Guide To Summer Cocktails

hsadmin Unqualified Opinion Bartending, Cocktails, dyor dave, Margaritas, Summer

DYOR Dave’s Guide To Summer Cocktails

DYOR Dave

The silly season is well and truly underway and dribblers & dribblettes around the nation are kicking back, relaxing, and most importantly, drinking cocktails before lunch. Having just enjoyed a lovely and probably not very well deserved break, I thought I would help the punters and dribblers get into the spirit of summer with a few easy cocktail recipes that I’ve learned from my previous life as a bartender.

For these recipes you can put away the shaker and any other fancy tools that you may use to show off, these are for even the most clueless of cocktail drinking dribblers.

Tommy’s Marg

A common misconception, the Tommy’s Margarita wasn’t named after Tom Trbojevic or Tom Birmingham, but it goes down just as easy as a length-of-the-field try from the former or a piece of dribble from the latter. All you need is 60ml of your favourite tequila, 30ml of fresh lime juice and 15ml of agave syrup, available at most supermarkets. (Can also use Maple syrup or sugar syrup with equal parts sugar and water). Mix it and serve it over ice, then repeat 3-5 times as necessary.

The best thing about this recipe is its versatility, no Tequila? Use rum and you’ve got a daiquiri. Only got gin? That’s called a gimlet. It even Pretend you’re an expert by making 3 cocktails with one recipe.

Pina Colada

Perfect for the dribbler or dribblette who’s not into yoga and has half a brain, the Pina colada is a creamy tropical treat that packs a punch with your daily dose of rum. Just combine 75ml of pineapple juice with 25ml of canned coconut cream and 50ml (or more) of rum. Give it a good mix and chuck it over some ice, you’ll feel like you’re on a beach in Jamaica while you’re drinking it, and after a few, you’ll feel like you’ve just spent a night in Fortitude Valley with Quade Cooper.

Espresso martini

Been sitting in the sun all day? Haven’t got the energy to get yourself up for the night’s festivities and not willing to splash a few hundred pesos on red bulls? Espresso Martini is the perfect pick-me-up after a long hot summer’s day. All you need is 30ml of vodka, 30ml of cold coffee and 30ml of Kahlua or coffee liqueur (Mr Black is my pick). Mix it or shake with over ice, and voilà, you’ve got yourself the grown-up version of a vodka red bull.

White linen optional, but prefferred in some areas of Sydney

Lychee Martini

This one is sure to be a hit with the dribblettes and the dribblers who aren’t afraid of getting a bit fruity. Bars love to charge upwards of $20 for this cocktail which is almost always made using low-quality vodka and canned lychees from the supermarket. All you need is 45ml of Vodka, 60ml of the juice from canned lychees, 30ml of lemon juice and 15ml of agave, maple or sugar syrup. Up the quantities and make this as a big batch for everyone to share, it’s a guaranteed hit and is as smashable as they come.

Whiskey Highball

A Japanese classic, the whiskey highball is a great way to enjoy your favourite whizzo in a refreshing and easy drinking way, perfect for summer arvos. Just add 50ml of whiskey and soda water in a glass with a heap of ice and a slice of lemon and you’re good to go. If you want something a bit sweeter you can try ginger ale or Tonic water if you’ve got an Irish or Canadian whiskey.

Cuba libré

This is just a fancy word for rum and coke. If you don’t know how to make a rum and coke then I’m impressed you’ve been able to access the internet to see this article. Excite your guests by serving a tropical, foreign-sounding cocktail while staying true to the tradition of your mates. It’s easy to sound less like a bogan and more like a Caribbean connoisseur by serving Cuba Libre’s instead of a black rat out of a can. Add a slice lime for a burst of citrus and a touch of panache.

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

Check out the Latest Hello Sport Podcast episode #325 – Covid Nangs

December 16 2021

ABSOLUTE DRIBBLE: Indiana’s Mum and Dad are Breaking Up in NBA Week 8

hsadmin Unqualified Opinion

ABSOLUTE DRIBBLE: Indiana’s Mum and Dad are Breaking Up in NBA Week 8

by Joseph Murphy

Having watched every ball of the Gabba Test, it was hard to split my attention between Cameron Green gradually becoming Australia’s favourite son and the goings-on of the NBA, who very rudely scheduled 13 games for the first day of the Ashes. To make up for my infidelity, I’ve spent the last few days consuming an irresponsible amount of game replays, to the point where I’m hearing phantom whistles as I go about my day.

Much like any professional heading into the end of the year, no one in the NBA really feels like doing anything much right now – that’s a problem for next year. The games are still good, but bombshell-wise the league has been a bit light. Tristan Thompson, of Kardashian curse fame, has another unexpected child coming along with his personal trainer, who’s apparently leaking DM’s with the Kardashians, but at this point, it’s a played-out storyline – we’ve all seen how this goes.

One prevailing narrative has been Steph Curry’s progress towards the all-time 3-point record, which picked up steam when was 16 away. Curry focussed more attention on the record when he said he’d try and hit all 16 in one game against Portland, then proceeding to shoot the ball a good 90-or-so times in his next 4 games before finally crossing Ray Allen’s mark in New York. It’s only fitting that he beat the record at Madison Square Garden, the same place where he had his coming-out party in 2013, playing all 48 minutes and scoring 54 points including 11 3’s in a losing effort. In 2013, 11 3’s was some team’s total effort for a game, now it barely raises an eyebrow when Steph hits double digits.

I think I’ve made my admiration for Curry pretty clear in previous weeks, but it was weird to see him chase the record so openly, to the point where he was burping up shots at every opportunity. I’m happy he got the record, but I’m happier that Golden State’s offense will resume normal operations again now that the chase is over.

Indiana are heading for a classic NBA implosion

Well, here we are. I knew it was wrong to fall in love with Indiana, I said it after week 1, but I couldn’t help myself and I got my hopes up that the marriage of Domantas Sabonis and Rick Carlisle would result in some beautiful Eastern Conference offense. Instead, Mum and Dad are starting to shoot each other dangerous looks over another silent dinner, whilst rumblings get increasingly louder about each party’s respective future in Indiana.

This week, it emerged that Indiana would be willing to part with either or both of Sabonis or Myles Turner when the trade period opens on December 15. Turner is no stranger to trade rumours, he was made available for trade as soon as the Pacers learned of the NBA’s no-take-backs policy on draft night. Turner fought back this week, telling the media that he would like for his time to stop treating him like no more than a glorified role player, hoping there’s a team out there that will love him for who he really is. On top of that, Rick Carlisle, who succeeds a coach who was fired because every player hated him, is hated by all of his players. A Pacers team divided against itself cannot stand.

There’s still time for Indiana to reverse the hands on the NBA doomsday clock – if they go and win 5 games to start 2022 they might all fall in love again, but the cracks are widening. There’s no job in the NBA less stable than the head coach, and the league passes by guys quickly – Stan Van Gundy was considered an elite coach in the mid-2000’s and now he’s back on the scrap heap after New Orleans tossed him after one season. Carlisle has ridden the wave of the title he won with the Mavericks in 2011, and the fact that he hasn’t won a playoff series since then has been brushed aside with the assurance that he’s definitely a good coach. Lose this job and that becomes a valid criticism. Lose this job and suddenly Carlisle is just the guy who was lucky enough to have Dirk on his team.

Indiana has never been a team to ‘blow it up,’ preferring to maintain the status quo, but they’ve also not drafted within the top 10 of the draft since 1989. Indiana’s track record of developing their late draft picks and other discards go back as far as Reggie Miller, and more recently they hosted the best years of Victor Oladipo’s career, got Sabonis for spare parts and turned him into a two-time all-star, and managed to nab Chris Duarte late in this years’ draft. In the penumbra of the league, a place where elite free-agents won’t even think twice about, the Pacers have been forced to become the best at identifying and developing talent.

There are plenty of reasons for Indiana to let go of the dream that this year’s iteration is worth holding onto, including the most Indiana Pacers player of all time, potential number 1 pick Chet Holgrem – a 7 foot, 88-kilo tower of monstrous potential. If Indiana’s staff can get their hands on a genuine blue-chip prospect like Chet, who knows what they can do?

Never trust an NBA player in a hoodie

Ever since his foot busted through a shoe in college, Zion Williamson’s weight has been a conversation amongst NBA dribblers worldwide. Just think of the sheer amount of force needed for your foot to completely destroy a shoe while you’re running, that’s what Zion’s body is capable of without conscious thought.

Zion’s time in the league has been a mixed bag, to say the least. In his third season, he’s now missed more games through injury than he’s actually played games. When he’s been on the court, he’s been absolutely devastating, a mix of raw athleticism and power that only comes around once in a generation. He routinely throws his defender to the floor as he flies past them on the way to the basket, where at his explosive best, his shoulders are parallel to the rim.

This is a guy who could be the best player in the world and the future face of the league. The reason that Zion is good is not only ridiculously entertaining but it’s easily digestible to anyone regardless of their basketball knowledge: simply, ‘they can’t stop that big bloke from scoring’. He could be the most popular athlete in the world if he could string a few good seasons together.

However, there’s the reports that he turned up to the Pelicans training camp at close to 150 kegs and he’s struggling to recover from yet another foot injury, this time a fractured right foot. According to the Pelicans vague medical updates, Zion’s injury happened at ‘a time’ during the off-season and will be better ‘eventually’. It was weird that Zion wasn’t included in Team USA’s Olympic efforts, particularly as they’ve always liked to appoint the ‘next guy’ to be the last guy on the bench – think AD in 2012. A diet of Draymond screams Pop wisdom and KD side-mouth would have done Zion a world of good during the off-season. It seems as if Zion’s off-season diet was perhaps closer to mine, more of a Doritos at 3 pm regime.

None of this was helped by Zion’s recent appearance at a Pelicans home game, clad in an all-red Jordan tracksuit and looking more likely to get in the ring with Bam Bam Tuivasa than make his way up and down the court. Obviously, no one is going to look shredded in a 3XL, but this was a particularly unflattering getup for a guy suspected of having weight issues. Zion counteracted this by allegedly approaching a young fan at a jewellery store to compliment his shoes, before posing for a photo where he looks absolutely jacked and stacked standing next to a child and his Dad, who was no more than your average dribbler. Full credit to Zion’s PR team for staging this scenario and the clever back-story that came with it.

At this stage, I don’t know what to believe, I just want to watch Zion back on court.

There’s some pretty significant financial consequences to Zion’s time off the court. He’s eligible for an extension in the range of $18m a year next year, but if he continues to miss games, that number can drop to as low as $7m – I know, the poor bloke. There is a sense that this is a sliding doors moment. Does Zion come back in shape and resume destroying the league, or is there reason to be concerned that his body will never hold up?

Houston are breaking the rules of tanking

For the life of me, I can’t figure out how the Houston Rockets went on a 7 game win streak including scalps of Chicago, Charlotte and Brooklyn. Sure, Chicago have been decimated by covid, to the point where the Bulls are using salary cap exemptions to replace substitute players infected by covid, who themselves were replacements brought in for covid infected rostered players. Brooklyn rested Durant, but that was it, but Charlotte were fine and the Rockets put a massive 146 points on them (whilst conceding 143). Even with all those caveats, you have to credit Houston, their win streak immediately following a 15-game losing streak. I’m not going to DYOR this, but I’m willing to go out on a limb and say that no professional sporting team has ever strung together two streaks like that- real outhouse to penthouse stuff.

Somehow, despite refusing to attend training camp, rocking up overweight to start the season and wantonly criticising the team whilst still a member of it, James Harden got the typical returning hero video treatment when he arrived in Houston. Somewhere, Rockets owner and author of the handbook for racist NBA owners ‘Shut up and Listen’, Tilman Fertitta, is hate-watching that video, simultaneously blaring 30 Seconds to Mars to block out the pain.

One of the problems of being a tanking team is that young NBA players don’t want to lose. Houston’s current roster includes former NBL MVP Jae’Sean Tate, last year’s Turkish League MVP Alperen Sengun and livewire Kevin Porter Jr, all of whom are super competitive, talented, young players who possess the skills to win NBA games right now. Sengun is my favourite of the bunch – he’s got throwback footwork reminiscent of old-school low post scorers, he’s a smart passer and has a decent shot. He’s also a complete weirdo who talks to the ball before every free throw and seems like the kind of guy who is so completive he’d scream down the mic and throw his controller into the wall if you beat him at Fifa. Young Euro players normally get over-complimented just for having average skill sets, but Sengun’s footwork is already elite and will only improve. If he’s the third-best guy on a team in 5 years, that’s a good team.

Outside of their young guys, the Rockets latest run has included the resurgence of Eric Gordon, who was the elite shooter outside Harden and CP3 during the contending years and is now a deadly off-the-dribble scorer again. Christian Wood has been a stud the last 3 years, a favourite amongst league pass tragics and one of the most elite bigs when it comes to navigating pick and roll action as the screener. Houston has made it known that Wood and Gordon are available in a trade, and can probably fetch a first-round pick or two for Wood. Both of these guys are ready to contribute to a playoff team, and Houston wants as many draft picks as they can get.

That said, teams will probably keep treating Houston as a game off, and it won’t be long until the Rockets start shutting down their young guys for extended periods for things like ‘knee soreness’ to keep their draft odds high.

The league will pick itself back up again around Christmas. Christmas day is always full of rivalry games and top-tier pairings which forces guys to actually play hard. As I’m writing this, Kyrie Irving has released a video of him putting on basketball shoes as rumours swirl that he might actually play this year. There’ll be plenty more yarn coming out of the league soon enough.

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

Check out the Latest Hello Sport Podcast episode #321 – Crystal Ducks

December 15 2021

Dribble to Survive: Ranking Every F1 Drivers 2021 Season

hsadmin Unqualified Opinion F1, Formula One, Lewis Hamilton, Max, racing, Verstappen

Dribble to Survive: Ranking Every F1 Drivers 2021 Season

by Lucas Poore

As the dust settles on the best season of Formula 1 since people started caring about it (following the 2019 release of the hit Netflix docuseries Drive to Survive), I wanted to take this opportunity to run my eye over the season that was and offer copious amounts of unqualified opinion on how the twenty best drivers this planet has to offer faired this year. In true Rugby League media fashion this will be conveyed through a 0-10 rating system, in order of championship finish.

Max Verstappen (Red Bull) – 10/10

I’m won’t comment on the way in which he won the championship, plenty of other dribblers have done that for me. But I think it’s fair to say that regardless of the drama, Max was the best driver this year. He took it right to a 7-time world champion in a car that was maybe marginally the fastest at the start of the year and certainly wasn’t by the end. Not only that but he did it despite the shithouse luck he had in Baku, Silverstone, and Hungary. It’s always been inevitable that super Max would win a world championship, and you’d be pretty silly to think that this will be his last.

Lewis Hamilton (Mercedes) – 9.5/10

After his absolute domination of the last few F1 seasons, I’d kind of assumed Lewis Hamilton had forgotten how to lose. This year, confronted by his most serious challenge since 2016, Lewis demonstrated exactly why he has won as much as he has, laughing in the face of those suggesting that his Mercedes did all the hard work. And despite being in the twilight of his career, just because he didn’t win this year, certainly doesn’t mean he won’t win next year.

Valtteri Bottas (Mercedes) – 4/10

It’s hard not to feel for Valtteri, who has spent the last five years being directly compared to one of the greatest Formula 1 drivers to ever live and has unsurprisingly not been able to live up to that standard. Expectation finally caught up with Valtteri this year who will be leaving the silver arrows for the decidedly shit Alfa Romeo next season. The realisation of this inevitable break-up seemed to free the flying Finn who finished the year strongly including a win in Istanbul.

Sergio Perez (Red Bull) – 5/10

Max Verstappen’s new teammate for 2021 continued the age-old tradition of disappointing in the second Red Bull car. Checo did manage a win and several podiums and certainly picked up towards the end of the year including some championship-deciding defence in Abu Dhabi. Let’s hope 2022 goes a bit better for the Mexican because Pierre Gasly is absolutely breathing down his neck.

Carlos Sainz Jr. (Ferrari) – 8/10

Carlos probably had the most underrated season of any driver this year, barely putting a foot wrong throughout. The Spaniard did not look out of place in his first season with Ferrari as he got the better of his highly regarded teammate Leclerc and grabbed four podiums along the way. Let’s hope for his sake Ferrari can fight for some wins next year.

Lando Norris (McLaren) – 7.5/10

Much like a former NRL player would when in the ring with a plumber, Norris came out swinging at the start of this year desperate not to get alpha’d by the big dog Ricciardo who joined him at McLaren. After 4 impressive podiums leading up to the Russian GP, Lando managed one of the great bed shits of all time throwing away a certain win and settling for 7th. He hasn’t been the same man since.

Charles Leclerc (Ferrari) – 6.5/10

The season started so promisingly for your girlfriends’ favourite driver with back-to-back pole positions secured in his native Monaco and Azerbaijan as well. Unfortunately for this Monegasque, the season didn’t really live up to the early hype despite a marginal pace increase in the back end of the year lifting the prancing horse over McLaren in the constructor’s championship.

Daniel Ricciardo (McLaren) – 4/10

I don’t care if our Aussie Danny Ric didn’t have a great year. He decided to look deep within himself on the morning of the 12th of September 2021 and go the huge lift for millions of punters back home deep into months of lockdown and in need of a W in the early hours of a Monday morning. The honey badger delivered one of the great wins of all time as McLaren went 1-2 in the Italian Grand Prix. Shoey’s Soon. #reachoutricci.

Pierre Gasly (AlphaTauri) – 9.5/10

I reckon Pierre must have a thing for gingers because the only possible explanation for why Christian Horner refuses to put him back in the Red Bull is that Gasly slept with his missus. Personally, I think Pierre got more out of his car than anyone else this season, consistently putting it in places it shouldn’t be able to go. He really puts the Alpha in AlphaTauri.

Fernando Alonso (Alpine) – 7/10

“Forty is the new Twenty,” said Alonso as he returned to Formula 1 to remind everyone that not only is he a former world champ, but he probably should have won a couple more too. Such is the precocious talent of the wily Spaniard that even in his middle age he managed to pilot an unremarkable Alpine car onto the podium in Qatar. Having said that, please retire Fernando so that young throbbing Aussie hot boy Oscar Piastri can have a crack.

Esteban Ocon (Alpine) – 6.5/10

It feels like both the Alpine (pronounced Alpine not alpine) drivers managed to have good seasons whilst the team themselves had a disappointing one. This was certainly the case for the man they call ‘Oconsistancy’ who managed to amass a respectable tally of points obviously highlighted by a remarkable win at the Hungarian Grand Prix.

Sebastian Vettel (Aston Martin) – 4.5/10

Desperate to move on from his disappointing stint with Ferrari, Seb chose to sign to Aston Martin who unfortunately weren’t allowed to just copy Mercedes again this year. The four-time world champ had some decent highlights including a second-place finish in Azerbaijan, however his season, on the whole, is probably best represented by his race in Hungary where despite finishing second, he was disqualified post-race for not having enough fuel in his car.

Lance Stroll (Aston Martin) – 3/10

I honestly think if you surveyed a random sample of Formula 1 fans following this season, they’d struggle to name a single thing of note Lance did this year. In fact, I couldn’t be entirely sure he participated in this season at all. You’d think a bloke whose old man literally owns the team he drives for might be able to take a few more risks considering his job is pretty safe.

Yuki Tsunoda (AlphaTauri) – 4/10

The diminutive Yuki Tsunoda attracted a fair bit of hype following an impressive start to the season. Whilst he did save his best for last, the vast majority of his season was underwhelming especially compared to his teammate. Given that Yuki is only in F1 because Honda wanted him to be, I’d be pretty nervous if I were him following the departure of the Japanese engine manufacturer at the end of this season.

George Russell (Williams) – 6.5/10

The most success that school prefect-turned-Formula 1 driver George Russell could have hoped in 2021 was to finally get himself out of the abysmal Williams he has driven for three years and into the Merc for 2022. Given that he achieved that, and a controversial podium for good measure, it’s been a solid year for the heir to the Mercedes throne.

Kimi Raikkonen (Alfa Romeo) – 4.5/10

I’ll take a leaf out of Kimi’s book here and keep it brief. This former world champ has closed the curtains on a stellar career, with longevity that most drivers could only dream of. Whilst the last couple of seasons haven’t hit the same heights as his Ferrari days, the F1 grid will certainly be poorer for the loss of the iceman, there’s just no one else like Kimi Raikkonen.

It wasn't hard to work out the true feelings of their social media team

Nicholas Latifi (Williams) – 5/10

I can’t really tell if Nicholas had a pretty good season, or if his Williams was just better than we expected it to be. Nonetheless, Nick did finally manage a Formula 1 point in his second season and even managed to break his duck of out-qualifying his teammate. He also managed to provide the spark for the most controversial end to an F1 championship in recent memory. Regardless, as long as daddy Latifi keeps stumping up that Sofina cash to help pretend his son has managed to achieve a career of his own, Nicholas Latifi won’t be going anywhere any time soon.

Antonio Giovinazzi (Alfa Romeo) – 2/10

If you’ve been sacked and don’t have an F1 team to drive for in 2022, you’ve probably not had a very good season. This is very much the case for the Italian Jesus who managed 3 points this year and trailed his pensioner-aged teammate for the entirety of it. As the curtains close on a remarkably forgettable Formula 1 career, we can at least say that Antonio was the most follicly-gifted driver we have seen on the grid in some time.

Mick Schumacher (Haas) – 5/10

You don’t have to be much of an F1 fan to recognise that Mick’s got a decent motorsport pedigree. As such he was probably the most anticipated debutant the sport has had in a while. Unfortunately, last year’s F2 champ was stuck with a car that proved about as mobile as his father is these days. Nonetheless, Mick managed to get his Haas into Q2 a couple of times and desperately deserves a better car because the son of the GOAT is quick.

Robert Kubica (Alfa Romeo) – N/A

Taking a leaf out of Josh Hannay’s book, Robert jumped in to steady the ship in a time of need for Alfa Romeo following Kimi succumbing to COVID. Unfortunately for the man from Poland, two races isn’t enough to warrant a rating. He did manage to not finish last in the championship though, which earns my respect.

Nikita Mazepin (Haas) – 0/10

The controversial Nikita Mazepin’s season is probably best summed up by his last race: contracted COVID and did not start. The unfortunate reality for Nikita is that he managed to be on the receiving end of more sexual harassment scandals than championship points this year. He finished 21st out of 20 drivers and was consistently behind his teammate who drove the exact same shitbox as him. I hope 2022 goes better for the man representing the Russian Automobile Federation, but I wouldn’t hold my breath.

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

Check out the Latest Hello Sport Podcast episode #321 – Crystal Ducks