Unqualified Opinion

Unqualified Opinion

January 6 2021

Kane Williamson has Stolen Steve Smith’s Hands

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Kane Williamson has Stolen Steve Smith’s Hands

DYOR Dave

It was the phrase that put lead in the pencil of every warm-blooded Australian cricket fan when it was uttered by none other than Steven Peter Devereaux Smith exclusively to Tom and Eddy of top of the Podcast heap fame.

“I’ve found my hands”

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After a less than arousing IPL campaign, Australians around the nation were both relieved and excited to hear that we were set for another summer overflowing with runs and test victories.

The signs were promising as Smith blasted consecutive centuries off 62 balls in the first two ODI’s against India. However as the test series rolled around and Smudge only mustered 10 runs between 4 innings, people rightly began to ask: Where the fuck have Smudge’s hands gone?

A nationwide search of land and sea as well as a nationally conscripted emu-bob unfortunately yielded little in the way of generational hands

In a twist no one saw coming it has become apparent that Smith’s hands were in fact stolen by none other than New Zealand captain, Kane Williamson who is currently averaging 150 odd from his last 4 innings. The evidence is irrefutable. Smith posted his last century on the 29th of November, just four days before Kane Williamson began his run of impressive totals, scoring 251 against the West Indies before making 129 and 238 against Pakistan.

The three days in between Australia’s ODI against India and the New Zealand versus West Indies Test would have provided ample time for Williamson or a delegate of his to fly to Australia, swipe Smith’s hands and return to New Zealand, assuming this highly important matter was prioritised over New Zealand’s tough quarantine laws.

There have been attempts from the sheep shaggers across the ditch to wool-pull the great nation of Australia and put Williamson’s incredible form down to the recent birth of his daughter.

On the eve of the New Years Test, Australians remain outraged by this theft of international importance. If Smudge’s hands are not returned in time to pump the Indians, there could be massive ramifications for stability in the Australasian region.

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

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November 9 2020

DYOR’s Film Reviews: Holidate

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DYOR’s Film Reviews: Holidate

Written by DYOR Dave

Holidate, starring Emma Roberts (of We’re the Millers fame) and Luke Bracey (of HSP family and nudes soon fame) is a refreshingly funny and surprisingly enjoyable romantic comedy, which subverts accepted and clichéd traditions of the style, while still staying remaining entrenched in the genre.

The concept of the film allows it to not only explore traditional rom-com tropes in different contexts, but also present highly stylised and colourful cinematography which makes the film aesthetically pleasing throughout. Moving from Christmas into New Years, St Patricks Day, Cinco de Mayo and Thanksgiving, the audience is treated to a diverse colour palette which evolves as the film progresses.

The long opening scene of the film engages the audience’s attention and sets the tone for the rest of the piece with the use of high and low angles, a whip pan transition and a moving camera through the decorated living room. This encapsulating camerawork adds to the attraction of the film, furthered by the array of quirky characters in Sloane’s life. Between the heavily botoxed aunt, the over-enthusiastic brother-in-law, the highly strung sister-in-law, the handsome foreign ex and the too-mature-for-her-own-good niece (just to name a few), there’s rarely a dull moment in the film.

It’s not all Easter eggs and tinsel though, as the jolly images are cleverly contrasted with the cynicism of the main characters, which provides a grounded familiarity that keeps the film from passing over into cliche’d rom-com areas. The bold colours also partly subside during the complication, as the disagreement between Sloane and Jackson plays out in front of the dull backdrops of Sloane’s apartment and the supermarket.

The one glaring issue I had with this film is unfortunately one of the key plot points that underscores the entire narrative. How could Sloane not find Jackson attractive!? As far as I’m aware her character didn’t have any vision impairment, so what could the writers have possibly been thinking when they decided that the character played the all time, hotter-than-hemsworth heartthrob Luke Bracey would be seen as unattractive. I mean seriously, the slow upwards pan of Jackson taking his shirt off in the sex scene should have been enough for any viewer to immediately see through the unrealistic script, that is, if they could see above their fully leaded pencil.

While rom-coms are not usually recognised as hotbeds for acting prowess, Holidate manages to showcase the great depth of acting talent held by both Roberts and Bracey. As the more sensitive sides of the characters come out, Bracey really comes into his own, showing the anguish felt by Jackson in the easter teahouse scene. His understated Aussie attitude and nonchalant larrikinism adds another dimension to the standard rom-com protagonist, perfectly summed up in his response to Sloane’s public apology, “na.”

The film presents several similar moments to this, as it subverts traditional tropes of the rom-com genre to more suitably represent dating and holiday culture in this monotonous dystopia of 2020. It seems that rom-coms of the late 90s and early 2000s centred mostly around the premise of an attractive man and attractive woman unable to be together due to conflicted love interests of some sort, as if every single good-looking person on the street just falls in love with each other at first glance. Holidate more accurately portrays how today’s society feel about not just love, but also holidays, with their repetitive shallow traditions, constant expectation and familial oneupmanship.

The ending of the film neatly wraps up the intertwined storylines of Sloane’s family, Jackson’s best mate and even his ex, as the satisfying finish fulfills the classic rom-com expectations and leaves the viewer with a sense of optimistic contentment. (the one caveat being the lack of on-screen nudity from Bracey). Ultimately, Holidate is an unapologetic romantic comedy that remains true to the roots of its genre, while still subverting the cliche’s and bringing it into a more modern and relatable context.

Overall, its no Kubrick, but still an enjoyable watch even for someone who isn’t usually a fan of romantic comedies. I rate it 3.5 nudes out of 5

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September 28 2020

The Best Theme Songs in Rugby League History: A Comprehensive Investigation

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The Best Theme Songs in Rugby League History: A Comprehensive Investigation

DYOR Dave

Let me take you back to a simpler time, a time still reminiscent to those of us old enough to remember when the footy show was actually funny, when the commentators had earned their spot in the box and before our great game was infiltrated by obscene branding, endless advertisements and overanalysis.

This was a time before Matt Nable’s voice echoed around loungerooms to soundtrack whatever showdown was upcoming. A time when the opposing forces of Fox Sports and channel 9 could come together to celebrate the rarely unified voice of the Rugby League masses. This was a time when the Theme Song ruled supreme over the promotion of the game.

Sure, we’ve seen some great gee ups in the past few years, (who could forget Victor Radley dancing to Pub Feed by the Chats?) but in the current climate of rapidly transforming fads, cancel culture and a lack of harmony between the organisations that deliver us our footy, it seems unlikely we’ll ever get to see another theme song take the journey with us all through an NRL season.

So, in honour of a bygone era, and of all the great memories from it that age like a fine bottle of rum, here are the top 9 Rugby League theme songs.

Two Tribes – Frankie Goes to Hollywood – 1997

1997 was arguably the most tumultuous time in modern Rugby League, with the ARL and Super League fiercely competing for superiority. As News Limited toiled away to bring down the ARL, their war cry had to reflect their intense passion and incite fire in the bellies of every piss drinking, footy kicking bloke in the country.

Naturally, they landed on an anti-conflict, 80s synth-pop song by an overtly LGBTI British band. If only News Limited were this progressive today! From a distance it makes sense, and I’m probably the only one critically analysing it, but the title of ‘Two Tribes’ seemed to be enough to get this song over the line and provide the soundtrack for the only Super League season to be played. Perhaps a better choice of theme song would have turned the tides of the Super League war, we’ll never know.

Tom Jones – What a Game – 2000

It’s the new millennium and people are optimistic about the future. The still-new NRL competition is growing into the behemoth it is today, and after the Storm stunned the nation by winning a thrilling grand final in their second year, the fans were hungry for more in 2000. What else to fire up the Rugby League masses than a cover of a 60s soul tune, sung by a man in his 60s?

Don’t get me wrong, the sentiment was there and the message was true, but could they not find someone more relevant, more youthful and more Australian than the man behind ‘Whats New Pussycat?’ I’m sure it had nothing to do with the release of Jones’ first album in 30 years and upcoming tour of Australia.

The saving grace of this song is its accompanying video, with scantily dressed women as well as big thick boys barely dressed in the changerooms, there’s something for everyone. Featuring more old people yelling at Radios and TV than kids kicking the footy at the local park, this ad is certainly dated, but it will forever remain the theme to the new millennium of Rugby League.

Jess Mauboy – Something’s Got a Hold on Me – 2013

Let’s get one thing straight first, Jess Mauboy is a great indigenous role model and has had a positive impact on Australian society overall… but her music kinda sucks. Although should we really be expecting more from someone who came second in Australian Idol? She’s no Shannon Noll, but I bet she’s never told anyone she’s going to “fuck your missus and your mum.”

A talented indigenous singer covering a 60s soul classic would have been music to a music purists’ ears, had it not been flogged to death on commercial radio for the last two years in the form of an EDM remix courtesy of Avicii and Flo Rida. Credit to the NRL, they nabbed a home-grown artist, who has genuine connections with the game, but they still missed the mark in originality and timing. Much like the 2013 season, where the roosters secured the minor and major premiership, this song is easily forgettable.

Feels Like Woah – Wes Carr – 2009

Another Australian Idol contestant, this time a winner. It’s almost as if Channel 9 had some sort of influence in the NRL. This song moves us away from the more regrettable tunes in this list, with a catchy chorus that can spur on the spirit of a full footy stadium. Not only that, Wes Carr himself embodies the rugby league spirit, a hard-working Aussie battler who hit the big (not that big) time, then faded into obscurity.

With an ad that showed the tried and true combination of footy park kids evolving into NRL highlights (plus Mark O’Meley), the 2009 campaign showed promise for a great year, and it sure did deliver (at least I thought so anyway). Little known fact, Wes used to be in a band with Silverchair’s Ben Gilles well before he ever auditioned for Idol.

Tubthumping – Chumbawumba – 1998

If there’s any common feeling that can unite the fractured world of the NRL after the Super League War, it’s the shared sensation of getting knocked down, and getting up again. 1998 was the dawn of a new era for Rugby League and as the newly formed NRL competition hoped to win over the nation, the choice of theme song had to not only reflect the feats of players on the field (“get knocked down, get back up again”) but also their behaviours away from the game, (“Pissin the night away, he takes a whiskey drink, he takes a vodka drink, he takes a lager drink.)

The greatness of this theme song lies in the simplicity, and echoes a criteria clearly used in the decision making here, that should have been applied to all other song choices: ‘Can you still belt out the chorus while poleaxed after a rugby league skinful?’ If yes, you’ve found your theme, if not, keep looking. Maybe try any of Chumbawumba’s other 18 albums, surely there’s another hit there somewhere?

This is Our House – Bon Jovi 2011-2012

Ah the early 2010s, before NRL players thought they could make it in the NFL, before the Roosters started dominating, and before Todd Carney pissed in his own mouth. What a time. Bon Jovi’s stadium rock anthem complemented the on-field spectacles of this era, and if you look past the fact that it was sung by an aging glam rock star who looks like Willem Dafoe’s twin sister, it’s actually a banger.

This theme hit all the right areas, with loud drums and guitars, lyrics to fire up a packed stadium and a video promo featuring flames, shockwaves and of course, Lote Tuqiri. The theme song delivered pleasing results, with both Manly and Melbourne taking home premierships under the guidance of John Bon Jovi. No complaints here in the studio.

The Boys are Back in Town – Thin Lizzy – 1985-1988

Another hard rocking anthem with an instantly memorable chorus that overflows with masculine metaphor and lyrics to buoy the boys. The Boys are Back in Town is exactly how every footy fan feels donning his jersey on Saturday night and meeting up with his mates for some pre-game schooners or post-game red-bulls.

The late 80s was a golden age for rugby league, the men could be tough and uncompromising, both in their playing style and off field antics. No one gave a second thought to reputation or role models, and the only post-game recovery happening in the sheds was the highly respected combination of beers and durries. It’s almost as if Thin Lizzy had rugby league in mind when they wrote this song. “The drink will flow and blood will spill. If the boys want to fight, you’d better let them” could have been the games motto.

Simply The Best – Tina Turner 1990-1995

Let’s face it, it was only ever a competition between two songs for the top spot, but in this humble dribblers opinion, Tina was simply the second best. This theme was so successful that the NRL recycled it for use again this year, and why wouldn’t they? It builds suspense, its passionate, its uplifting, but most importantly, it describes what rugby league is: Simply the Best.

Turner was an unlikely symbol for the NRL, with her immense fame and success rendering her slightly out of touch with our semi-professional, bogan-centric sport. But with the help of Jimmy Barnes, who was clearly a rugby league player in another life, this song helped birth modern Rugby League and the greatness that surrounds it. Without this anthem the game wouldn’t be where it is today, and we may still be competing with AFL, or even Rugby Union.

Hoodoo Gurus – That’s My Team 2003-2007

Maybe it’s my age, my taste or maybe it’s just the overwhelming superiority of this song, but if ad campaigns could achieve immortal status, this would be first in line. For a young league fan growing up in the 2000s, a catchy and distinctly Aussie song about unwavering support for your club was the perfect soundtrack to nurture and develop a passion for footy.

Listening to it now brings back memories of greasy trading cards straight out of the chip packets, of ill-organised touch footy games in the school playground, and of trips out to Peter Wynn’s Score to beg my parents for a Storm garden gnome or whatever piece of ridiculous merch the NRL were flogging to obsessed kids.

The Hoodoo Gurus tick all the boxes for a perfect theme, an Aussie pub-rock classic rewritten to suit the greatest game of all. A singalong so unique to our sport it could have only been written by dribblers themselves, and the passion of Dave Faulkner and his band for their love of footy shines through.

This song is as significant to its era of rugby league as Nick Politis’ platinum Amex is to the Roosters. Seeing a respected band unironically perform an adapted version of their own song for a huge sports event usually reeks of sell-out energy, but witnessing the pure joy that the fans and band took out of the final performance, brings a tear to a footy tragic’s eye.

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August 13 2020

Mongols Outlaw Motorcycle Gang to be Unveiled as Second Brisbane NRL team

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Mongols Outlaw Motorcycle Gang to be Unveiled as Second Brisbane NRL team

DYOR Dave

The NRL are set to announce the Mongols Outlaw Motorcycle Gang as the successful bid for the second Brisbane Rugby League side. The Brisbane Bikies as they will be known have also announced their first signing in former Bronco Tevita Pangai Jnr.

This news comes only days after Pangai Jnr was sacked from the Broncos after being caught up in a police raid at a Mongols hairdresser.

Paul ‘Papa’ Barger, Mongols Sergeant at arms and new club CEO has expressed his excitement at his gang’s new venture.

“The Mongols are a Brisbane institution and so too the game of Rugby League. To finally see these two enterprises come together in a legally sanctioned, publicly supported way is a huge boost for all. We’re fucken pumped.”

A second NRL team in Brisbane was originally planned for 2023, however after the catastrophic demise of their cross-town counterparts, the Brisbane Broncos, the NRL has moved to bring them into the competition in 2021.

ARLC Chairman, Grandson of God, Son of Christ, Saint Peter V’Landys gave a statement via Zoom while aboard his private jet, “I’ve always loved the Mongols and what they’re about as an organisation. Their fan base is growing while the Broncos’ is on the other hand is falling off a cliff. The Game of Rugba Leeg has long and deep connections to Bikie culture so we thought it made sense to give them a crack as the 17th NRL team. I’m positive the Bikies can restore pride to this once great Rugba Leeg town.”

The Brisbane Bikies not only plan to invest in their players’ on-field futures, but have also implemented an educational program, which would see players forced to undertake studies in either a hairdressing certification at TAFE, an advanced chemistry course or a double finance/laundering degree.

Rugby League commentator Braith Anasta has also weighed in, saying this partnership could be mutually beneficial, “There are plenty of NRL teams that could learn a lot from the Mongols. This club has been around since the 60’s. We know they’ve got the cash to run the club thanks to their robust manufacturing and supply chain businesses. And their local juniors are strong and usually direct descendants of current club members, so the bloodlines are pure. It could be good for the game, or it might not be.”

The club is yet to pick a coach, although CEO Paul ‘Papa’ Barger has hinted at a possible candidate, “we haven’t decided on a coach yet but if the rumours about Anthony Seibold are true then he’d have to be at the top of the list.”

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August 6 2020

Brisbane Broncos in Lockdown after Outbreak of Foot and Mouth Disease

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Brisbane Broncos in Lockdown after Outbreak of Foot and Mouth disease

Written by DYOR Dave

The Brisbane Broncos season is going from bad to worse. While most of the world is currently grappling with the covid-19 pandemic, the Broncos are suffering their own viral outbreak.

HSP news can exclusively report that as many as 14 players have contracted Foot and Mouth disease, which shows symptoms such as oral tinea, fungal nail, bad breath and gingivitis.

Whilst the origin of the infection is currently unknown, staff members have said it is likely a player first contracted the disease whilst sucking on toes in his personal time, before spreading it to other team members.

“Toe sucking is a known fetish, though one that most people like to keep quiet about due to the fact that it’s kinda rank.”

“As a club we take hygiene and safety very seriously. We’ve got on the front foot here and brought in a world renowned Norwegian podiatrist by the name of Dr. Tå Spiker Suge to take the boys through the appropriate systems and processes to identify a suckable foot.” croaked coach Anthony Seibold.

Seibold said the foot and mouth outbreak was not the major factor behind his teams continued poor form. Instead blaming his very young squad, injuries as well as both the covid and foot and mouth virus outbreaks.

The Broncos are set to take on the Rabbitohs on Friday night, however South Sydney officials have expressed their concern over exposing their players to this infectious disease.

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July 29 2020

Unmasking Jee Lo – The man behind the troll account

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Unmasking Jee Lo – The man behind the troll account

Written by Tom

The Punters & Dribblers Facebook page is the home of dribble and yarn. A place where the truth emerges from transparent public discourse and rigorous debate. Dribblers and Dribblettes the world over, put their names to their unqualified opinion and unwavering bias, standing proudly alongside their beliefs. That is of course unless you’re a beta cuck by the name of Gary Lowe (pictured below).

The P’s and D’s will be aware of the dribbler account that goes by the name of Jee Lo. You could always count on Jee Lo to leave comments with a recreationally aggressive confidence that only the cloak of anonymity can provide. Jee Lo displayed all the usual hallmarks of a troll account:

A random name with no real account history
A profile picture of someone of something other than themselves – Jee Lo went with a Simpsons character, and also St Peter V’Landys.
An eagerness to engage in arguments
Smelt like a beta

It’s hard to know what motivates a fully grown adult male (or female) to create a fake profile from which to talk shit to others. Fear? Weakness? Probably both. What is clear to us is that one can only get away with this behaviour for so long before a P or a D is empowered to take the afternoon off work to go on a deep dive to find out who the fuck you are.

Enter Tate Baillie.

I’ll let Tate take it from here:

“It was a pretty simple DYOR really. Got sick of seeing his garbage posts taking the piss out of people so wonder who the man behind the mask was. These trolls aren’t the smartest going round so I figured the name Jee Lo had some reference to his actual name i.e Jee is the first initial G and Lo is some bastardisation of his surname.

“Clicking on his profile you’re bound to find a like on a picture of a family member so I did that. I didn’t expect it to be as simple as Lo = Lowe though. Lowe and behold (pardon the pun) it was. Turns out this beta is an indoor cricket commentator and struggling MC ?. Watching the videos of his amateur athletics commentary he throws out some real bev show vibes.

Anyway once I knew this I hit him with a simple “good to see the burner account fired up again Gaz” and this picture…”

“As most trolls do, he slinked off like a little bitch.”

Beers soon Gaz.

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July 28 2020

Rugby Australia sign promising Western Sydney foetus on massive $7 million deal

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Rugby Australia sign promising Western Sydney foetus on massive $7 million deal

Written by DYOR Dave

Rugby Australia has continued its investment in the games future by signing the 8-week old foetus of Western Sydney couple Kayde and Kayley Braiyley.

Rugby Australia CEO Rob Clarke has said that while the young foetus wasn’t their initial target, they are confident that this signing can bring a brighter future to the code.

“We’ve thoroughly investigated the background of this family, and are excited at the prospects of this youngster for the future.

“Obviously Suaali was our first preference, and we had already been in discussions with Ellyse Perry and Matt Tomoua’s unborn child, but negotiations fell apart”

The father, Kade Braiyley, enjoyed tremendous success in his junior footy days before his promising career was tragically cut short by a string of knee and back injuries.

While the mother, Kayley, excelled in her netball career, twice representing her city at a state level.

While Kade may not have reached his own full potential, he has high hopes for his son’s career.

“Between my footy talent and Kayley’s netball history we can see big things in our son’s future.”

The contract is scheduled to take effect in the 12th week of pregnancy, providing that the child is male.

Rugby Union fans across Australia have been celebrating the recent spending spree and are looking forward to the bright future for the code that it brings.

Eastern Suburbs club member Stephen Doyle has said he’s looking forward to seeing more young prospects in the 15 man game.

“I think it’s about time Rugby Australia invested in the future of the game, I’d like to see them sign some more youngsters.

Doyle, who hasn’t been to a Waratahs game since their premiership season in 2014, has said he will be attending future games to see young talents such as Braiyley jnr, “as long as it’s not too cold or wet on the night and I haven’t made any other plans.”

The signing comes just days after teen sensation Joseph Suaalii became the latest loss for the sinking code. After initially backflipping on the South Sydney Rabbitohs to join Rugby for a reported $3 million, Suaalii then performed a double backflip, deciding to remain in Rugby League for less money but more respect.

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July 24 2020

What the length of your footy socks says about you

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What the length of your footy socks says about you

Written by DYOR Dave

Below knee – uniform wear:

You’re playing by the rules, not making any statements about your footy or personality. You’re probably new to the club and trying to fit in. Displaying obvious differences at this time could have a detrimental effect on your relationship with the team and your role within the organisation. Best to keep your head down, play by the rules and put in the work. Alternatively, you’re an expendable asset to your club, ensuring that all your actions are in the best interests of the team and you remaining there. You put in the one percenters like wearing your uniform correctly and turning up on time, because you know if you don’t you’ll probably lose your spot.

The Low Scrunch:

You’re a no-nonsense, hard hitting, big boy, and the opposition is scared of you.

The extra weight of the material low to the ground further draws your weight down as you smack into defensive lines and burrow your way for an abundance of post contact metres. The run up you take for hit ups is as long as the carry itself, and you usually aim straight towards the halfback, who is left prone on the ground as you charge through him. The only vision he sees is your scrunched socks continuing to drive as your tree-trunk thighs pump down the field.

The Low Fold:

You’re young, you’re hot, you’ve got a mesmerising step and you can’t get tackled. Your team depends on you as their #1 attacking weapon, and you make sure everyone on the field knows that. Lower sock positioning allows for a full view of your lean, fast and tall legs, which flash by as you bamboozle defenders with gooseys, stutters and even a cheeky grubber behind. The meticulous presentation of your appearance extends far beyond mere socks, as your hair is constantly immaculate, your clothes are of the latest fashions and trends, you’ve got a flash car and an even more flash girl in the passenger’s seat. You are the envy of every school kid to ever run with a footy.

One up one down:

This positioning is not purposeful. You’re a tough player who doesn’t care about looks or aesthetics. You probably just got up off the ground after a bone rattling tackle and don’t have time to adjust your socks before the next hard hit. You’re there to do your job and do it without fuss. You probably finish most games with cuts and bruises all over your legs and body, but you turn up week in week out, thinking only about dressing down the opposition, rather than dressing yourself up. Socks come and go, but tough footy is a way of life for you. This combination often seen in bush footy due to two odd socks being packed on the day of the game.

The Long Socks:

It’s cold. You’re either playing in Canberra or New Zealand and you probably haven’t warmed up yet. At this point you’d rather be at home where its warm, but instead you’re at the one away game you’ve dreaded all season, and all you can think about is the hot showers after. You can’t stop rubbing your hands together to manufacture heat, and you wear your team hoodie right up until the first whistle is blown. You’re spending more time worrying about the conditions than the opposition, and with an attitude like that, you’re playing right into their hands.

The compression socks:

It’s really fucking cold. It’s winter in England or France and it looks like the scrum is sending out smoke signals to the next town over. It doesn’t matter if you’ve warmed up or not, whether you’re in the forwards or backs, or how high up your actual socks are. Everyone’s feeling it. You start to question what made you choose to play for this club in the first place, even what led you to pick up sport at all. What was wrong with reading in front of a warm fireplace? No time for regrets though, you’ve gotta try catch the ball despite not having any feeling in your fingers. Good luck.

The Ankle sock:

You’re a touch footy player. You’ve got a full-time job and other commitments but you never let that stand in the way of 40 minutes per week where you can relive the magic that you once dazzled mums and dads of under 12 footy teams with (before everyone else started lifting weights and learning to tackle). You still reckon you’ve got a mystifying step despite putting your back out getting off the couch last weekend, and if only the rest of your team in the Sunday social comp had the footy IQ that you did, you’d be sitting top of the table. Also, your team name is a pun and you wear a backwards cap.

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