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The Kicking Tee Dribbler Analyses Noah Lolesio’s Bledisloe Bedshit

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The Kicking Tee Dribbler Analyses Noah Lolesio’s Bledisloe Bedshit

by The Kicking Tee Dribbler

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Here’s a few things about Noah Lolesio and his inability to kick goals for Australia. Whilst I see potential, I also see a case of the classic Rugby Australia Schoolboy gas up. They’ve overinflated him before he’s put runs on the board, or balls through the posts so to speak.
 
The fact he’s already uploaded a ‘Goal Kicking Tips’ tutorial on YouTube whilst dishing up a 2/7 (27%) performance for the Green and Gold says a lot about Australian Rugby. Cadbury sponsorship or not, he certainly doesn’t feature in my box of Cadbury Dairy Milk Favourites.
 
I rewatched the Bledisloe Bungle and a few notes. Lolesio has caught a case of the ‘Townsend Creeps’. I wasn’t aware it’s so highly infectious but Noah sure loves to drag out the kick like a wet week. In his first two splays, it takes him 40 and 55 seconds respectively from ‘Ball on the Tee to Post’. In comparison, in the first kick he lands (albeit right in front), Noah pumps it under 14 seconds. A highly inconsistent kicking routine.
 
Now amateur kickers will argue “He’s right in front, he doesn’t need to take the time…”, but every great kicker sticks to their routine no matter the angle, the distance or the pressure. Watch Reynolds slot 11 goals for the Rabbits this weekend, his ‘Tee to Post’ routine is set in stone, you could set your watch to it.
 

 

Second point, weather conditions. There was a heavy north-easterly wind at Eden Park (See flags). Now in Lolesio’s first few misses, he breaks the golden ‘Adam Douehi Rule’ of goal kicking. COMPENSATE!! The circumference of a Rugby ball is wider, it’s true that a Gilbert has more girth. To use a food analogy, I liken a Steeden to a Bakers Delight Finger Bun, whilst a Gilbert is like a Croissant, it’s got a bit of puff through the middle. As such it’s less stable, so once the ball reaches the peak height of its crescent on Noah’s first kick, the wind lifts the Gilbert right and he misses another one for the country. He needed to compensate for the weather conditions.
 
In conclusion, this time last year I offered up some Pro-Bono work to Rhys Hodge and RA to fix their Bledisloe kicking woes. Clearly, Hodge and the Wallabies were too busy dining corporate lunches and missing goals because I never heard back. So quite frankly as far as I’m concerned, the Wallabies can suffer through another excruciating loss this weekend (it’s on 9Gem btw). I’ll be tuning into the diligence and craft of Croker and Reynolds, as they collectively notch themselves up a few more rungs on the all-time Rugba Leeg point scorer list.
 
Hazem El Magic Forever
Premature YouTube Never

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

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Will 2021 Debunk the 50+ Points Stat?

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Will 2021 Debunk the 50+ Points Stat?

by Jordan Forbes

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Like many Punters and Dribblers, there isn’t much I enjoy more than a good old fashion stat. Whether it’s from Dave Middleton from the long-gone The Footy Show, or Rain Man himself going Balls Deep on About Even, stats have the ability to back up a narrative being pushed, or equally, tear one down.

One thing that I do enjoy more than hearing a well-crafted stat, is trying to find stats out of a statement. That is why a statement from Bloke in a Bar’s own Kempy really piqued my interest. A few weeks ago, Kempy proposed that conceding 50+ in the season 2021 is ‘different’ than other years. What really piqued my interest in this statement was the use of the word ‘different’. It is a vague term in this context, yet it seems like the most accurate description of 50+ games this season.

As most NRL fans know, conceding 50+ during the season is a death sentence. No team has been able to win the premiership after being on the receiving end of a scoreline of that nature. Yet, you can’t help but feel that Kempy’s statement of them being ‘different’ in 2021 stands true. Each week we watch the Rabbitohs notice up win after win in their hunt for a top 2 position, but is it all in false hope as they have conceded 50+ against the current top 2 sides?

You don’t need to be a rugby league statistician to know that in this season we have seen a dramatic increase in 50+ score lines. At the time of writing this, there has been a total of 11 50+ score lines in the 2021 season. This is a dramatic increase from the 2020 season where we only saw 7 games with 50+ score lines over the entire season. 2019 posting an even lower number with only 5.

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With only 160 games being played in the 2021 season at the time of writing this, the 11 50+ scorelines equates to 6.88% of the total games. This percentage is a massive increase on previous years. In the 2020 season, the same season we saw the 6-Again rule be implemented into the game, only had 4.14% of the total games cracked the 50+. Only a few years ago in the 2017 season did we only see 1.99% of the 201 total games cross the milestone. At the current rate of the 2021 season, we should see another 3-4 games where a team concedes 50+.

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As previously mentioned, the Rabbitohs very much seem to be one of the teams in focus when discussing 50+ score lines in 2021. In past years, when you thought of teams to concede 50+ you often thought of the bottom 4-5 teams coming up against the highflyers of the season. However, in the 2021 season, with teams such as the Rabbitohs conceding 50+ not once, but twice, are we seeing those higher-ranked teams on the wrong end of the score lines? In short, no. Based on the average position of all teams to concede 50+, 2021 actually produced the lowest-ranked average of the past 5 seasons. This has in fact been a slow trend over the past 5 seasons.

 Apart from 2018, the average position of teams conceding 50+ has been decreasing year on year, starting at 9.0 in 2017, down to 11.3 this season. That is a decrease of 2.3. On the other end of the scale, the average position of the teams dishing out these thumpings has fluctuated over the past 5 years. It peaked as high as 3.6 in the 2020 season, and as low as 5.1 in 2018, a season where we saw one of the closest ends to a regular season, with all of the top 8 teams finishing within 1 win of each other. 

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With the average positions not reflecting the season, maybe the margins can shine some light on this season of 50+ blow-outs? Again, no. In a season where blow-out scores are the hot topic of discussion, the average margin of games where a team has raised the bat for a 50 is actually the lowest it has been in the past 3 seasons. In 2019, the average margin was 50.6, which means that statistically if you gave the losing team a 50 point start, they would still not be collecting the 2 points more times than not. This average margin dramatically dropped in 2020 to 43.0, with it dropping again this season down to 41.3. Prior to 2019, 2018 and 2017 produced 38.1 and 40.0 averages respectively.

After analyzing all of these stats regarding 50+ score lines, the frequency of these score lines is the only one to stand out as abnormal. And that is where the problem of ‘different’ comes in. As fans, the sheer amount of 50+ score lines this season has thrown us for a loop. While I love that stats have the ability to shine a light on aspects of the game we seem to overlook as fans, they are not the whole game and you can’t use them as definitive proof of an outcome. Does the fact that the Rabbitohs have notched up dual 50+ games this season rule them out of being victors on grand final day? Maybe, but I am excited to see how this ‘different’ season pans out.

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Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

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The Rise and Fall of Danny Exotic

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The Rise and Fall of Danny Exotic

by Danny Exotic

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Dear my beloved Punters and Dribblers, 

I write to you all, with a heavy heart. A heart that is ordinarily pumping the sweet properties of merlot and redbulls throughout my cardiovascular system, but now pumping nothing but fragmented dreams and melancholia.

After casting my ears over a recent dribble, or as I’d like to call, a piece of audible detritus, from my sworn enemy and former childhood neighbour, Dot Point Dribbler, and then to be subjected to slander from both Tom and Eddy for my lack of content since my famous bender prior to Penriths Grand Final loss last season which saw me earn the illustrious baggy green, I feel obliged to address not only the punter, but more importantly the dribbler.

It’s well documented my rise to fame and dribbler immortality last year. On the back of Penrith’s record-breaking winning streak, yours truly found himself in a frequent state of pure elation and euphoria. As the wins came in, so did the festivities. 

Life was good, every weekend was almost like a Hollywood movie script. A Nathan Cleary masterclass – steering Penrith to another victory, followed by the weekly expedition to my beloved Big Cat (Penrith Panthers Leagues Club) where me and my fellow Penrith fans would endeavour into the 4-12hr pulverisation of our mind, body and spirit, courtesy of our good friends R&R.

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The plethora of regular-season wins inevitably led to the Minor Premiership and a box seat in the 2020 finals series, in a month that can only be rivalled by that of the great Ben Cousins, myself and all of Penrith were whipped into an absolute frenzy. 

With a nail-biting preliminary final victory over South’s, it quickly became a reality. Penrith were ready to seize the premiership, a feat that hadn’t been achieved since I was only a young bloke, spear tackling Dot Point Dribbler on his front lawn in Glenmore Park in 2003. It was a momentous occasion, and that called for a monumental celebration, so I brought to you, the Punter AND the Dribbler – The Big Dance Luncheon. 

A 6hr session of sending Vodka Cruisers on a one-way ticket to our throats, hours of YouTube highlights, heavily featuring Scott Sattler’s famous tackle on a dilly-daddling Todd Byrne and of course some TV Dinners.

Now as we all know, that traumatic night didn’t quite go Penriths way, DYOR had my measure, and I was broken, PROUD, but broken. But that didn’t stop me and my companions from embarking on what quickly became, the greatest bender of all time. 48hrs in, the reality sunk in. Keeping the Disciples of St PVL updated with the atrocities that were unfolding at the foot of the mountain, I found myself becoming heckled and the subject of abuse by dribblers like Nilso, Ironside and Finnochario. The old saying – never kick a dribbler while he’s down, had apparently been forgotten. 

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Fast forward…

HSP #238 – Under The Pump, all the pieces of the puzzle connected. I earnt my baggy green. What initially appeared to be a sympathy vote, for a broken dribbler who’d had his heart ripped from his chest by a relentless Storm outfit, quickly became a realisation, a realisation that I was the inspiration that led Eddy to drop to a knee and propose to his fiancé, I was the reason Tom felt obliged to provide Evie-Rose with a sibling, I was the reason KTD slotted a plethora of steedens through the sticks, the reason Nilso set a deposit limit on his BlueBet account and the reason DYOR ripped that cone to render his legs useless.

A Ton on debut with my Matty Nabes – Season Launch was a last-ditch effort to build back my legacy. A legacy forged by R&R. Then came lockdown, COVID reared its ugly head and precluded my chances of continuing the great legacy I built the year prior. 

I now find myself sober, hooked up to an IV drip containing Doctor V’s bender mender. But it’s not the Siberian rush I’m after, no. I’m after the rush that can only be provided by two commodities. More precious than that of gold and diamonds, the rush that can only be provided by R&R.

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

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Why Do Rugby League Wingers Jam in? Part One

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Why Do Rugby League Wingers Jam in? Part One

by The Golden Shower Dribbler

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It’s 9.26pm, Sunday 30 September 2018. The Sydney Roosters have just claimed the NRL Premiership by beating a Melbourne Storm side featuring the likes of Smith, Slater, Bromwich, Munster, Addo-Carr and Vunivalu.

But the Roosters didn’t just beat the defending champions; they dismantled them 21 points to 6. How did they do it, you ask? How did the Roosters execute such a clinical hit job on a star-studded and, well… clinical outfit mentored by the man who will go down as no worse than the 3rd best coach of all time, Craig Bellamy? 

Was it Luke Keary’s scintillating Clive Churchill Medal performance? Maybe. Was it Cooper Cronk, assuming the role of a bung-shouldered puppet master, pulling the strings and exploiting his inside mail on the Storm system? Possibly. Munster’s two sin bins? Perhaps.

These all contributed to the Roosters win, no doubt. But if you believe that ‘defence wins premierships’, which you certainly should, then you must examine what limited a finely-tuned attacking machine like the Storm to a meagre 6 points (courtesy of an Addo-Carr intercept).

To answer that, you need only caste your eye to the 24th minute of the first half. Off the back of a quick play-the-ball inches from the Roosters try-line, the Storm shift the ball swiftly to the right in a familiar movement that will, somewhat inevitably, result in Vunivalu scoring comfortably next to the corner post. 

But wait – no! Instead, Latrell Mitchell sticks to the inside shoulder of his opposite man Will Chambers and Daniel Tupou sticks to the touchline. With his options inside and out shut down, Chambers is bundled across the sideline and a heated scuffle, borne of the Storm’s frustration, crashes into the LED KFC signage bordering the battlefield.

 

This sequence was typical of a pattern of play that repeated itself throughout the night. The Chooks choked out the Storm attack, starved them of points and, ultimately, broke their spirit. How, you ask again? Let me spell it out for you: THE ROOSTERS’ EDGE DEFENCE DIDN’T FUCKING JAM IN!

That match highlighted for your writer a conundrum that has plagued the minds of many league observers over the years – why do wingers always jam in? Or, to put a more technical and accurate slant on it, why do rugby league edge defences so often play up-and-in rather than man-on-man or slide defence? This three-part investigation will try to answer that question and hopefully offer a solution to the problem.

Just how bad is it?

Allow me the indulgence of sharing some statistics and analysis that, although weighty, highlights the severity of this problem and how it has a material adverse impact on the performance of sides game-in, game-out.  

It was in the closing stages of the 2019 NRL regular season that the issue began to itch at me like the spiders under the skin of a meth addict. With each try scored down the edge, the itch evolved from a slight annoyance to a concern and then to an all-consuming unhealthy obsession. I couldn’t stand idly by any longer watching full-time professionals leak tries that, in my opinion, were entirely preventable. Something needed to be done. There needs to be an investigation, and so investigate I did.

I watched every try scored in the NRL through rounds 18, 19 and 20 of 2019. The results were damning and, in many ways, even worse than I expected. Here are the key findings:

  • Of the 167 tries scored during this period, 54 were preventable by slide or man-on-man defence, or one could argue, were caused by up-and-in defence (U&I). 
  • That is 1/3 of all tries in those three rounds could have been prevented if the defence employed a sliding or man-on pattern (and in many cases, if the defence just did not employ U&I). Let’s call these ‘preventable tries’.
  • That proportion gets close to 100% when just looking at tries scored down the edge. 
  • 54 preventable tries over those rounds equates to 2.25 tries per match (or 2.5 tries a match if you remove some anomalies explained in footnote 1 below).

This data confirmed what I had anecdotally perceived up to that point – that roughly 2 to 3 tries a match could be prevented if a slide or man-on-man defence was used.

Surely eradicating these tries would change in-match momentum, reverse results and potentially form the foundations of premiership glory – just ask the 2018 Roosters.

Alex Johnston has made a career out of scoring off the back of wingers jamming in

 

If you’re a real sicko, feel free to peruse some more in-depth analysis of the 2019 research referenced above.

  • The trend is less apparent in ‘blow-out’ matches where one side is dominating the other. It seems that when a side is blowing another off the park, they can score their tries through the middle and don’t need to test the edges.
  • The majority of the preventable tries are blatant – the defensive winger comes in off his man, causes an overlap and either makes it easy for the attacking winger to score, or creates a line break that leads to a simple 2 on 1 with the fullback/cover defence. 
  • There were instances where U&I doesn’t just fail to prevent the try where slide could have, but where U&I almost proactively causes the try by putting the defensive line so out of whack. See Kalyn Ponga’s try against the Tigers in Rd 19 circa 6th minute where he scores back on the inside because the defence is so in tatters due to outside defenders jamming in.
  • Another example of U&I creating havoc for defence is Brad Parker’s try for Manly against Parra in round 18 (31st minute). Defensive winger comes in off his man even though the centre has Parker covered. Defensive winger doesn’t stick his tackle on Parker, meanwhile defensive centre has to scurry to cover the unmarked winger left open by the Parra winger, and Parker strolls over for the try.
  • The Parker try raises another point about U&I defence having a much larger margin of error than other defensive structures. It creates a bigger hit, but it’s much harder to be accurate with and to ‘stick’ the tackle then if sliding on to someone. With slide, even if there is a missed tackle (like the winger on Parker), the inside defender can help finish the tackle off.
  • Sometimes the defensive winger using U&I is providing ‘help’ to his centre (rather than making a 1-on-1 tackle on the attacking centre). But that help is either: not needed by the defensive centre; it arrives too late anyway and the defensive winger doesn’t affect the tackle properly or in time; or the defender inside the centre (usually a backrower or half) is there to provide the help needed. In either case, the result is generally the same – the attacking winger is free to stroll over if the attacking centre can free his arms to pass the ball.
  • Of the 167 tries scored over the 3 rounds reviewed, I didn’t note a single try caused by slide defence.
  • There was only a handful of tries scored on the edge which were not caused by U&I defence (i.e. the tries would have been scored whether slide or U&I was used e.g. the attacker simply overpowers the defence). These tries were not counted as ‘preventable tries’.

     


    Stay tuned for Part 2 where, with the help of punters, dribblers and experts alike, we seek to understand why up-and-in defence is so widely used in rugby league.

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

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A Dribbler Farewell to the Tokyo Olympics

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A Dribbler Farewell to the Tokyo Olympics

by Jonny Ogilvie

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As the sun sets on the Olympics in the land of the Rising Sun, I’ve got a few dribbles to sign off on;
 
Safe to say plenty of people here were naysayers about the games. It’s appropriateness about being held during a pandemic, care factor assuming the Aussies would get pumped, or generally it not being one of the major sporting codes. I was one of them, and was happily proven wrong. They have been incredible.
 
The Aussie team are a bunch of throbbers. Every one of them went down swinging, that’s all we ask. Some won, some didn’t, and that’s ok. They all possess a level of hand-eye coordination, physical ability and mental toughness that 99.9% of people could only dream of. They did us proud.
 
The culture and pride shown by the Aussie teams should be the gold standard amongst sporting teams. Plenty of NRL/AFL teams bang on about having culture; look at the swimmers chanting at the top of their lungs, Patty Mills crying after finally getting it done, or the Hockeyroos being distraught after going out early. It was a case of ‘get on board, or get fucked.’ We can all appreciate that.
 
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The fact Australia punches above its weight at these events is incredible. Population size has nothing to do with it, but funding sure as shit does. They can’t compete in that regard with the US, GB, or ROC, but they still turn up and let those wankers know that they’re gonna have to work.
 
Any ‘pundit’ criticising athletes can get in the bin; most of those cunts couldn’t perform a tumble turn without drowning, shoot a jump-shot without rolling an ankle, run a race without popping both hamstrings or try a side-step without tearing both ACLs. Leave the dribbling to the dribblers.
 
Anyway, to sum it all up, the last two weeks have been awesome and I can’t wait for Paris 2024. I think we as dribblers have a duty to keep an eye on all the Aussie athletes we’ve come to know over the last few weeks; Peter Bol, the Swim team, Ash Moloney, Jess Fox, etc. They get shoved to the side during non-Olympic years, and I think they deserve better.
 
Aussie Gold forever.
Olympic Rings tattoos soon.
Dirty Merger Countries never.
 
 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

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Who Should be in A Rugby League Big Brother House?

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Who Should be in A Rugby League Big Brother House?

DYOR Dave

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Channel 7 has been enjoying vast numbers of viewers thanks to their Olympic coverage, and the execs have clearly used all their supreme intellect to decide what would be best to keep those viewers engaged after the sports have finished. They’ve rolled out the brown carpet for a group of ‘celebrities’ that they’ve dredged out the sewer of obscurity to partake in the new season of Big Brother. These household names include 4 recycled reality TV stars, 3 models, two actors of little fame alongside Caitlyn Jenner and Matt Cooper.

While this lineup does nothing but drive away the rational viewer, the inclusion of Matt Cooper begs the question: Why not have a Big Brother Rugby League house? Replace the scripted superficial drama with rugby league drama. Give the boys the house and a lot of booze, maybe allow them to bring in some ‘dancers’ and other friends just to spice things up. It’ll be the most-watched show in the nation, so I thought I’d give a few suggestions of who could help bring the Rugby League soap opera to life.

Cameron Munster

The man who took a break in the middle of a bender to win an Origin series will surely be a heavy favourite to win, if for no other reason than his sheer stamina. Some say he’s a grub, others say he’s just cheeky, perhaps a ruling can be made once and for all in the Rugby League House.

John Hopoate

No group of Rugby League personalities would be complete without Hoppa. His unique brand of proudly rectal humour means he’ll be willing to lean into even the most lowbrow of moments. His loyalty, passion and confidence in his own research skills will make him a vital inclusion to the house, although entering a confined space with other people may require him to be vaccinated, which could lead to drama before he’s even entered the show.

Adam Elliott

It would be rude to have a gathering of the kings of off-season footy and not invite the sheriff himself. Boasting the undisputed largest hog in the competition, this inclusion is sure to fill the other contestants with emotions of inferiority, and if the viewer’s lucky enough, they may even catch a small glimpse of his large pipe.

Roger Fabri

The wild card. Who knows what inviting Rog into the house could bring, besides many pairs of fishnet stockings and maybe a few wandering old men. The addition of Roger adds additional layers to an otherwise shallow format. He could find love, he could find friends, he could find inner peace, or he could find himself with a criminal record. Any outcome is sure to be entertaining.

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Buzz Rothfield

Putting aside the worry that having Buzz alone in a house with Rugby League players could lead to him being beaten to a pulp, Buzz would be an exciting tradition. His lifetime working in rumours and hearsay is a recipe for drama, and his experience in the field of what is essentially already a reality show will allow him to divide and perhaps conquer his enemies in the house.

Joey Johns

The OG Rugby League party boy, Joey has the experience, the skills and the contacts to make sure the house never runs dry, and the music never stops. Not inviting such an influential figure of the off-field game would be a crime unforgivable by most dribblers, and his inclusion would bring with it the radiant aura that only an immortal can.

Will Chambers

Every reality show needs a villain, and who better than arguably the most hated man in the league. Having made a career out of getting under the skin of the opposition, and still honing his skills late in his career, Chambers is sure to bring the drama and his signature brand of grubbiness to the house.


Brandon Smith

Who doesn’t love the cheese? He’s the anti-buzz, says whatever comes to his head, no agenda apart from a good time, not to mention that he knows his way around a beer. His combination with Munster works as well off the field as it does on the field, and he’s guaranteed to ruffle some feathers with a few pranks.

 

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What Was Life Like the Last Time the Wallabies Won the Bledisloe?

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What Was Life Like the Last Time the Wallabies Won the Bledisloe?

DYOR Dave

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Tonight, Australian Rugby fans will partake in the sadistic yearly tradition of watching the pride of our nation be embarrassed by a tiny country full of sheep and flightless birds. For the newer generation of rugby fans, this is what they assume the sport to be. Much like a fish may not know he’s in water until he’s flopping around on land, many Rugby fans simply accept this phenomenon as the only possible reality. Witnessing a Bledisloe triumph over the All Blacks seems as distant a memory as landline telephones or dial up internet, and just as a startled fish panics around in unfamiliar territory, sadly most Aussie rugby fans would be so unfamiliar with a Bledisloe victory that they would turn into a scared, confused, wet and slimy mess.

With two games at the fortress of Eden Park, it seems another defeat is inevitable, so I thought I’d attempt to jog the memory of the punters and dribblers, and give them a taste of what life was like before the dark dynasty of the All Blacks.

In 2002, you may have been on your way to the cinema to see one of the latest flicks including the first Ice Age, the second Harry Potter, My big fat greek wedding, or Adam Sandler’s Mr Deeds. If you switched on the radio you’d hear such new tunes as Nelly’s Hot in Herre, Eminem’s Without Me, Avril Lavigne’s Sk8er Boi and Nickelback’s How You Remind Me. Nickelback’s lead singer would go on to marry and divorce Avril Lavigne, all in the time it took Australia to lose 3 Bledisloe’s between 2012 and 2015.

Technology was rapidly advancing and people were now more connected and wired up than ever. Apple had just released the 2nd gen iPod classic, which could hold a whopping 20GB of songs with its click wheel and black & white screen. In other revolutionary news, the first phones with a built in camera were released, however the pictures were confined to MySpace and MSN, as Facebook, Reddit, Instagram and YouTube had all yet to be invented.

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In the sporting world, a young quarterback named Tom Brady had just won his first Super Bowl and looked like he had a decent career ahead of him. Meanwhile, Steven Bradbury just became Australia’s first Winter Olympic medalist in a feat of pure skill and hard work. Queensland retained the Origin shield after a drawn series that saw man-of-the-match performances from Alfie and Joey, while Lote Tuquiri bagged 5 tries for the series.

Looking back on this period with naive nostalgia can bring joy to even the most soured pessimist in our modern world, and a lot has changed since then. The population of New Zealand has risen by around a million people since the Bledisloe last left our shores, meaning there’s likely to be more than a million Kiwis who have never felt the crushing inferiority of losing at their national sport to a country that should be reminding them of their little-brother status. In Australia, we’ve seen as many Prime Ministers as we have Wallabies coaches (6), with equal amounts of success, while there’s around 6 million new Australians who have lived their entire lives with the Bledisloe Cup across the Tasman Sea.

So as we settle into what is sure to be another year of failure, one can only wonder if one day, just as veterans of the World Wars die out, there may not be a soul alive who can remember a Wallabies Bledisloe win. What will the world look like next time that cup is brought back to its home in Australia?

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

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Gladys Berejiklian is the #1 Ticket Holder for Manly: An Omenry Analysis

Gladys Berejiklian is the #1 Ticket Holder for Manly: An Omenry Analysis

DYOR Dave

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An alarming piece of information has recently come to my attention that has seemingly been ignored by Punters and Dribblers. As I was sitting bathed in the sunlight of my eastern suburbs home, scrolling various antifa, anarchist and communist literature, I discovered that our state premier, the corporate-simping bin-chicken Gladys Berejiklian is the number one ticket holder for the Manly Sea Eagles. I thought it right given the polarising nature of her career, that an Omenry analysis was undertaken.

While my own omenry experience pails in comparison to the decades of omenry study completed by Tom and Eddy, my brief time learning under their tutelage has allowed me to formulate a few possible theories of what this means for the club.

A few months ago, NSW’s covid response was considered the “gold standard” by many, as Gladys had easily navigated the small amount of cases that spread around the state. Similarly, the Sea Eagles have looked comfortable as they dominated teams like the Tigers, Cowboys and Bulldogs. However, as soon as the pressure rises and decisive action is required, both Manly and Gladys become a shell of their once powerful selves.

Having only won 1 game against a top 6 side this season, and considering that side was the Eels, Manly have fallen into the same trap as the state premier. Calling this side one of the greatest in history after dismantling only beta teams would be like calling Gladys “The woman who saved Australia” after allowing in the plague ship Ruby Princess and somehow ending up with less cases than the rest of Australia. Eventually, Gladys’ lucky run came to an end, and if the omens are anything to go off, Manly’s luck will also run out soon.

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Much like Berejiklian and her Koala policy, Manly seem to have no issue destroying native animals, as they have put both the Eels and the Sharks to the sword this year. However, just as Gladys protects invasive animals such as the wild Brumby, Manly have struggled to beat introduced species such as the Rabbitohs, Roosters, Panthers, and of course, the Bears.

Perhaps Gladys’ position at Manly is fitting, as both herself and the club are well known for being widely hated. Both have a history of completely eliminating long-held institutions of the city, with many holding the Sea Eagles responsible for the demise of the North Sydney Bears, and Berejiklian’s government effectively abolishing Sydney’s nightlife.

Despite all this, Manly share one regrettably positive trait with the NSW Premier, they somehow keep winning, and will probably continue to do so for the next decade. NSW took over office in 2011, the same year Manly last won the premiership, and since then have done just about all they can to try get themselves voted out. Despite this, they remain successful and somewhat popular, probably due to the fact that less than five people reading this know who Chris Minns is. (he’s the opposition leader.)

This analysis is merely my own interpretation of the facts, and according to my research, the omens don’t bode well for Tom, Eddy, or any other Manly dribblers. Unfortunately for them, the bad omens keep on coming, with other notable supporters according to Wikipedia including Tony Abbot, Mike Baird and Dwayne “the Magoo” Johnson. Those aren’t the ideal dribblers to be sharing party pies in a corporate box with.

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

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Spikeball – Magoo or Elite?

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Spikeball – Magoo or Elite?

DYOR Dave

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For anyone who recalls what life was like before lockdown, you might remember a strange game popping up in parks, universities and beaches around the nation. At first, many dismissed this trend as merely a sport for those who couldn’t play sport. Populated by bible studies groups and computer science students, I distinctly remember scoffing upon walking past several games in the university quad.

“Magoo,” was the first thought that crossed my mind, as I wandered to my film studies class 15 minutes late like the cool person that these Spikeballers wished they were. But after a rapid period of desensitisation where I grew accustomed to seeing horizontal nets at local beaches and parks, it was inevitable that I would eventually be dragged into the game.

Now, with about 3 sets between our group of mates, I can no longer avoid the sport nor can I deny its entertainment value. So, having been on both sides of the argument, it’s time to once and for all investigate whether this sport is elite or Magoo.

Spikeball (or roundnet) is played between two teams of two players equally spread around a horizontal circular net a few inches off the ground. To begin the game, one player serves by hitting the ball into the net towards their opponent. Much like volleyball, once the ball is live, players have three opportunities to return the ball by hitting it with any body part back onto the net. Points are won only on service, when the opposing team is unable to keep the ball in play.

 

Originally created in 1989 as a Toys R Us game, the sport experienced a renaissance in the 2010s, with updated equipment, standardised rules, and increasing availability worldwide. Since then, it has grown mainly in the US, with national college championships held yearly since 2017, and a planned international tournament in Belgium that was canceled in 2020 due to the pandemic.

The game draws influence from handball, a classic schoolyard game that even the most weathered sportsman can enjoy, and carries with it the potential for lucky trick shots and miracle returns. Furthermore, the recent partnership with Dunkin’ Donuts has seen it bend over for the corporate dollar, just as any professional sport worth it’s salt would.

Perhaps fittingly, the game was adopted in the US by Mennonites, a religious group that emphasises peace, and despite stemming from Amish traditions, know their way around technology. This popularisation among religious pacifists reflects the vanilla characteristics of the game, which sees far fewer bone-rattling moments than your average ball sport, yet it has still been recognised by some of America’s biggest athletes, like Dallas Mavericks players Luka Doncic and Tim Hardaway Jr.

On the spectrum between Magoo and elite, it’s fair to say that while not reaching anywhere near the heights of Rugby League, it certainly surpasses many sports seen in the Olympics like Taekwondo or synchronised swimming. My conclusion on this is as follows: Spikeball is about as Magoo looking as any sport on the planet, but once you jump in and get involved, its actually kinda elite.

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

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NRL Teams beware, Manly are Building a New Dynasty

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NRL Teams beware, Manly are Building a New Dynasty

by Jacob Tyson

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Under Des Hasler, the Manly Sea Eagles of the 2000s and early 2010s terrorised the competition. During this time the Sea Eagles appeared in the 2007 and 2013 grand finals whilst winning the 2008 and 2011 Grand Finals. Winning two grand finals and appearing in two more, Hasler boasted a 59% win rate, only 4% less than Trent Robinsons current Roosters record. While Des had an almighty array of weapons in his duffel bag including the Stewart Brothers, Watmough, Brent Kite, Orford, and a young halves pairing of Foran and DCE. Just like the brothers before them, the Trbojevic family is helping the coach once again usher in a new dynasty of Manly glory.

Manly have taken the competition by storm this year, coming back from the worst start to a season in their history, to being arguably the only real threat to the Storm. Led by Tom Trbojevic, the Manly Sea Eagles have adapted to the new rules to begin a run that reminds me of Jarryd Hayne dragging the Eels out of the mud during the 2009 season.

Hasler has drawn together a unique group of individuals akin to Monsters from Space Jam. With a legally blind second-rower with the skills of a five-eighth, to a man with the strength of an ant and the bone density of an orangutan. There’s one of the hottest men in the game on one wing and the second-fastest man on the planet on the other, not to mention the man with the longest neck in the world (besides Jordan Silk) playing in the halves.

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However, it’s not just the current crop that have been impressing the keen observer, there are a lot more young throbbers coming through the ranks to join them. The Harold Matthews side finished 1st and cruised through the finals, eventual premiers over the Parramatta Eels 24-12. Remember the name Latu Fainu, brother of Manaise, who tore apart Parramatta in the final, taking home player of the match and player of the season honours. He was clinical all year, handing it to all teams in the competition, and doing it an age group up.

The SG ball team finished 2nd and only bowed out in the semi-finals to the eventual winners, losing 18-20 against the Raiders. The star power in both of those sides is what makes the future of the Sea Eagles so frightening for teams in the next decade. In five years time, Tom Trbojevic will be 29, Josh Schuster 25, Haumole Olaka’atu 27 and Jason Saab will be 25.

The scary prospect for opposition fans is that these players are already devastating teams, and with a further five years of NRL experience, they will look to dominate and bring a bunch of Premierships to the northern beaches. With the strength of their juniors still to come, this side can potentially lead the NRL for another 15 years. 

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

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