How Formula One Finally got Dribblers Frothing Over Car Racing
by the Delivery Driver Dribbler
Well, well, well… look what the bull dragged in…
In what was the race that stopped the world, Max Verstappen ended up getting the chocolates over 7-time world champ Sir Lewis Hamilton of superior car fame.
It didn’t come without controversy though, as Michael Masi and the FIA swang their dicks harder than ever to ensure that the punters and dribblers of the world would have enough F1 content to debate about for the next four months.
What was really interesting is how much of a shit fight this race really was. From our man Daniel Ricciardo not getting any points to Kimi Raikonnen getting driver of the day even though he DNF’ed, what better way to crown the new world champion than for the FIA to take a page out of Lord PVL’s book and fuck with the rules halfway through the most important race of the last 5 years.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m no conspiracist, in fact, I’ll go as far as to say that Epstein did kill himself but fuck me even I can’t deny the shithousery on display from the FIA. I don’t even like Lewis or Max for that matter, but as the great Tooves once said; “ There’s gotta be an investigation.”
The only reason any of us F1 fans tuned in is because after 6 years of 1 am race starts and Mercedes dominance we finally had a title fight on our hands. Much like Tom and Eddy, I haven’t had my way for about two and half years now and if I did have my way then I would like to see Daniel Ricciardo win every race, however we had to settle for two of the biggest fuckwits in recent F1 memory battling it out for the title of World Champ. As one dribbler put it, “Max or Lewis winning the championship is like going to the Doctor and asking you if you want aids or cancer.”
I think the greatest part of the race was the rise and fall of Toto the man who cried Wolff. It was hard to pick a side, but it made it easier seeing Toto lose his shit and then get hit with a grade 4 carry-on charge for being an absolute flog. What was even more interesting is we got a true insight into the sort of fella that Toto is. They say that hard times show true character, and it seems as though Toto is the most blatant cheater since Melbourne Storm circa 2006-2010. Toto had no shame in ringing up the governing body of motorsport to ask if they could not deploy a safety car for a blowy and 20 bucks. Now I don’t know about you but that seems like some weird shit to pull in front of the millions of viewers worldwide.
But in the end, it was Horny Horner who had the last laugh. Bringing home Red Bull’s fifth World Driver’s Championship since Vettel’s four straight WDC’s. Interestingly, Nico Rosberg asked Horny Horner if he had treated his wife, Geri Halliwell of third hottest spice girl behind sporty and posh fame, any different due to the pressure of the situation. To which obviously Horner ignored because what sort of fucking question is that.
But I think there’s more to it, I think perhaps Horner employed Halliwell on some sort of undercover operation to help Max out, to give him some further motivation perhaps. Now I’m not saying that this is what happened, but I have it under good authority that other members of the spice girls just so happened to be in Abu Dhabi over the weekend to soak up some sun and do whatever it is rich people do over there. Maybe, Horner, feeling very horny has asked Geri to organise a little intimate show for Max and other members of the Red Bull crew, now that would be very horny of Horner. Whether that is true or not is yet to be seen.
One thing that I am certain of, however, is that if Daniel Ricciardo was still behind the wheel of a bull, then this title fight would’ve been over 5 races ago with the WDC and WCC all locked up in his favour.
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