Parramatta’s Revolutionary Plan to Outsmart the Dying Sun
by The OT Dribbler
Parramatta Eels’ race against the sun is as well documented as it is worrying for the club and their supporters, but they may have found a new angle that could give them hope for a premiership in the next 5 billion years.
This dilemma is recognised as a situation that requires urgent attention, as the club may be doomed to an eternity devoid of premierships. As the great Neil deGrasse Tyson once said; “If the sun exploded, we wouldn’t know it for eight minutes and twenty seconds… Then we would vaporise, along with Parramatta’s premiership hopes”.
This has prompted the club to search for a resolution. As a Parramatta supporter myself, I have been searching for ways that may one day let the glory of the golden age grace the club once more. However, I believe the club has made an important decision that could technically bring a premiership to Bankwest.
When the Eels’ NRLW team was first announced, I saw it as a great step for women’s rugby league in this country, but there may be more to this than what can be seen on the surface.
Even with a squad currently consisting of thirteen players, many would say that their chances of winning a premiership are still higher than the males. In a competition that currently contains six teams, the statistics prove that there is a higher chance of a women’s premiership occurring before the sun begins to burn helium, expanding and eradicating the human race as we know it.
Many pundits will jump to dismiss this as a loophole to get around the problem at hand. However, I would have to disagree. A premiership of any kind would bring joy to the loyal blue and gold army, who have experienced a drought like no other currently present. Thirty-five years. Thirty. Five.
A multitude of other solutions are allegedly in the works for the club in western Sydney, including utilising advanced genetics to create clones of Peter Sterling and Brett Kenny. For now at least, this may be the best course of action for the club.
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