Sorry Poms, Even if you Win the Final, It’s Not Coming Home
DYOR Dave
It would be hard to find a sports fan worldwide that hasn’t cringed in the last month at the sound of pale white dudes yelling “It’s coming home.” Since 1996, this song has been a reliable signifier that England have won a match in a major tournament, and naturally, their delusional fans think that they’re destined for glory.
But now, as England lie 90 minutes away from either an historic victory or a hilariously crushing defeat, this myth needs to be dispelled, now more than ever.
Oxford dictionary describes ‘home’ as “the place where one lives permanently, especially as a member of a family or household.”
So lets start with the Euros, in which England have won exactly 0 times, and prior to 2021, had only made the semi finals twice. To put that in perspective, that’s one less title than Greece and the Soviet Union.
While the 3 titles each for Spain and Germany give them a solid claim to be the ‘home’ of the European Championship, the definition asserts that the title would be more at home in the Gulag’s of Siberia than in the streets of London.
As for the World Cup, England have one title. So if you consider that one random house you kicked on at one time to be your home, then sure, I guess you could say that ‘home’ for the World Cup is England.
Alternatively, if you were to count the 9 titles that have been won by South American Nations Brazil, Argentina and Uruguay, then it wouldn’t take the minister of property and housing to realise that its ‘home’ is probably somewhere there.
Another definition given is “the district or country where one was born or has settled on a long-term basis.”
Sorry to disappoint any anglophiles out there, but the roots of football can be traced back to cultures across the world, with its early origins in Asia as well as the North American pasuckuakohog, which was described as “almost identical to the kind of folk football being played in Europe.”
And sure, you could say that football has settled in England on a long term basis, but where hasn’t it? Football is the most popular sport in all but 35 countries, hence the title of ‘the world game.’ You can’t have it both ways, either it’s a world game, or it lives in England.
So as the poms line up to hopefully lose another sporting event on the world stage, we can all take solace in the fact that even in if they don’t choke, it still won’t be “coming home.”
Viva Italia!
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